hi agalaapple,
the last great book i read was Lolita. It inspired me to keep pondering about society's rules, constructs, and boundaries... i always feel like laying in bed and daydreaming... getting up is such a chore... but i rarely can sleep throughout the night, and even if i do sleep, i sleep with my eyes open... because i truly have not done anything amazing or motivational during the day's hours.
it's very difficult to live life without realizing our callling, like why are we here?!
i hope being part of a phd program that truly supports your talents will enable you to find meaning in your life! good luck to you (and to me)...