OutOfPlace

Thank you all for the thoughtful replies. It's really helpful, even just to hear that my problems aren't insane or unique. To highlight some specific takeaways that were really helpful: 1. I should consider seeking help from counselors and advisors. I kept thinking, well, I'm certainly not depressed so that's not necessary. But you're right; counselors will still have good advice, and give my advisor the subtle heads-up that things aren't awesome is a good idea. 2. If I were to transfer, it would be with 2 years left in my program, which isn't very long. I could, in theory, leave this program with a Masters at the end of this year. Sounds tempting, but the truth is, I would then have to either work in industry for a while (forever?) or take an awkward gap year doing nothing. Neither of those are good options. Realistically, I'm committed here for at least another year, at which point it seems like 2 more isn't so bad. 3. Traveling is a good thing. I was sort of trying to embrace where I am and not run off every other weekend - but I think I'll be happier if I get my city/friends/family fix a little more often. Thanks again to all of you, this has been extremely helpful, and I definitely feel better equipped to take on the next year or so and make good decisions for myself about where to go from there.

My program does quals after first year, actually, so I've already passed. I've also gotten lucky with some unique funding over the past year. Dropping to MA and transferring isn't out of the question, but it would burn a bridge big time with my program/advisor, and it would probably downgrade me to a less good research fit. It would also likely "reset" me in the eyes of a new program, so I'd be adding a couple years to the total process. Actually, the fact that switching programs seems so unviable is part of why I feel so trapped. Am I wrong for thinking this?

Hi GradCafe, I'm a 2nd year PhD student in a 5-year program. Academically, I couldn't ask for a better situation; in particular, I'm working with a fantastic advisor who is essentially the reason I came here. The problem is, this program is located in a small college town in the South, and I absolutely hate living here. Almost all my family is on the West Coast, my extended family is in the Midwest, and my closest friends are in the Northeast where I did undergrad - so I'm about as far as you can get from the people who matter to me. I've spent my life in liberal, urban areas and loved it, and the Southern culture and small town-ness are stifling. I've made a few good friends, but it's hard to meet people around here who share my interests. In short, this is the opposite of where I would like to spend the bulk of my twenties. Now, I knew all this going into it, but I figured that the academics are what mattered and I'd spend all my time working anyways. I wasn't totally wrong; however, I underestimated the psychological toll of not liking where I live. I can't stop imagining "grass is always greener" scenarios about what it would be like to have chosen a different school, or to quit and get an industry job. I also underestimated how long 5 years really is, especially being so very far from my family. I have this raging internal debate between "You'd be a spoiled idiot to give up this opportunity just because you aren't in your perfect city" versus "It's my life and I shouldn't sink 3.5 more years into being unhappy". Or maybe I'm just Sophomore Slumping and looking for excuses? Anyways, I was hoping some of you wise elders might have some advice. Has anyone been through this before? Any good ideas for dealing? Perhaps in the later grad years, it's possible to go out-of-state more often? Tough love is welcome too, if you think I should just suck it up. Thanks for listening.