astroyogi

I haven't heard of the regular all-day email, that's a good idea! And heck no, I don't swing that way. I have never understood that, and thankfully neither has he.

Yes yes and yes; I agree with you, and am trying to adapt this mentality myself. Even if someone compromises down the road, I think it's vastly preferable to do that after the PhDs and tours around the country and not before. Also if you could contact someone about how those things keep not working out like one imagines, I'd appreciate it. I think it might be a bug in the system.

Yay HockeyNerd, I'm so glad to hear that! I think the farther on you go in your career, the more doors will open, and I hope that means good things for you and your SO congratulations on all of your hard work!

Hear hear. I really have nothing more to contribute, it's on you CorruptedInnocence. I wish that vigorously trying to convince other people on online forums that you deserve a relationship would get you one, but unfortunately I think that's out of our jurisdiction.

I find this to be a very common mentality (especially in the good ol' USA), and a toxic one. I try to replace it with "I want it so much, I will do everything in my power to achieve this goal and see what comes of my best efforts."

I would just ask yourself realistically if your dating apps seem to have been helping a lot. As for the whole "time is really running out" bit: desperation doesn't look good on anyone. The truth of the matter is, yes, time is running out, quickly, for every single one of us....but there is SO much life left out there for you to experience, that it doesn't even matter right now. Take your days as they come. Enjoy the ins and outs of daily life and all you get to experience being here, yourself, on this planet. It's pretty special. And if you step back and get a little perspective, you might realize that the whole omghavetofindabfhavetohavekidsimgonnadiesomeonehelpmeNOW bit is a little unnecessary. On "what if?": What if you meet someone, fall in love, get engaged, and they leave you on the alter? What if you leave THEM at the alter? What if you get pregnant tomorrow? What if you're single forever? What if you're unhappy in a marriage you rushed into, ten years from now? What if you're not? It's completely and utterly endless. It's hard to not have your mind race about this stuff, but consider the fact that the "what if I don't find someone?" part is just one of an infinite number of "what if?"s, none of which are ours to know, unfortunately, but I've heard that's the "fun part" of life.

Online dating: good for having really funny stories to tell your next SO (who you meet in real life). Bad for meeting anyone half decent. As for the "no idea how you're going to meet anyone to date or marry": no one has any idea how they're going to meet anyone to date or marry. That's the beauty of life; relationships come out of the glorious blue, right when you least expect them. One thing I would say is, for the good of your future relationship, please stop wallowing in how much misery you're in because you're single. Vibes flow, and there's a very big difference between a girl trying to catch a guy's eye, and a girl with a big smile on her face because she's secure in herself and having a good day. Discover what you love about yourself and being alone, or you'll have little to share with the individual you will connect with in the future (something about two to tango). Finally, there's a big difference between school environments and work environments. I wouldn't recommend using your present circumstances as a measuring tape for your future prospects.

Yes! Ugh, and a dissertation too... thankfully in place of that there's senioritis for me (or is that a curse? I have few real distractions from the thinking, thinking, thinking...). I'm sorry you're in the lurch too. Also, time differences are so hard! My SO is from Europe so when he's home for some weeks, my entire evening seems lonely. I hope you get an ideal placement, and soon. Has it ever crossed your mind that one of you compromise your career for the relationship? I can't picture settling down and starting a family while the two of us are running around the world, and often wonder if one of us will get the short end of the career stick. I try to trust that if we make that choice, it'll be the right one at that time and will feel like less of a sacrifice.

This reminded me of the Dickinson quote, with my rewording, 'parting is all we need know of hell.' I'm really glad your relationship is working out! Great point about the foundation. I don't think I'd be as eager to start the journey of grad school attached across the US if I was less confident about our future prospects. Good luck to you do you know when the long distance will end?

I'm so glad you're in a good place with your current SO I completely agree about communication -- my guy, luckily for me, had previously been in a long distance (across the atlantic) relationship for 3 years so he's very knowledgeable on what works for him (~1 hr skype time/day and lots of texts) and that helps me out a lot too. I've got a good one here -- going to try to hold on to him Thanks so much for your well wishes, and right back at you! I'd definitely be up for PM rants so please don't hesitate to reach out either

You basically just summed up all of my thoughts. I hope you get more breakfasts soon. I'm trying to appreciate the little things while I have them now, and I think fuzzylogician has a good point about really involving the SO in the minutia of daily life, I will definitely try to do that. I definitely agree about the concrete plans -- I think the largest part of my anxiety is how completely clueless I am about where I will be in a year from now altogether. As a type A control lover I hate not knowing where I'm going to be living, what school I'll be going to, where he'll get in in, or even where he will apply... everything is up in the air right now. So there's a possibility we'll be long distance for 1 year, 3-4 years, or up to 6 years... I will really be feeling better about things once I get an idea in my head about how things are going to be. If there's one thing I've learned, though, it's that if you can picture something clearly in your head as a future possibility, odds are it won't end up that way. So many surprises lie ahead!

Ahh! Yes that makes sense now, thank you

Ah I also should mention, we're living together now for the last semester of my undergrad, and it's going to be a drastic contrast between blissful cohabitation and nightly skype!

Thank you so much for your beautiful response I completely agree with everything you've said about priorities, communication and support systems. Having been in (admittedly less serious) long distance relationships when I was younger, the main thing I'm worried about now is that seemingly inevitable gap between realities that opens up when you're long distance; the simple glue of shared experiences that holds couples together (riding the bus, making breakfast, going out with mutual friends...the daily things) dissolving. But hopefully like you said, seeing each other often and sharing your worlds in person as frequently as possible is probably the best remedy for that.

Love this 1) Lots of things to do before I leave my undergrad campus (restaurants, wine tours, visiting museums, buildings, bars, etc.) 2) Europe! 3) Get to a satisfactory stopping point in my undergrad research 4) I should reemphasize the wine tour bit 5) Help family move into new place (aka sort through my childhood) 6) Regain full splits and be able to balance a handstand without a wall (I've already gotten the headstands down and lemme tell you, they are excellent conversation starters) 7) ??? probably more!

What's meant by old/new format for GPA?

Most often referred to as the "two body problem," I've seen lots of people talking about how relationships live and die (mostly, die) among academics traveling around and chasing their careers. It's on my mind a lot at the moment because I'm about to start an x-year long long-distance stint with my boyfriend of over a year... I'll be a PhD student, he'll be (hopefully) a postdoc, and we're both in the same field. It feels a little like jumping into the abyss. I'd really like to see the gradcafe's take on this and read any stories you'd like to share (successes or heartbreaks).

Congratulations on your acceptance! I'm a senior physics major here at Cornell and have been living off campus for about three years now. Your budget is totally reasonable. Only a few places I've heard of have rent that starts at around $1000, like 312 College Ave which is for the truly wealthy and swanky among us. The average I've seen is about $700-$900, with highs and lows from $300 (see basement sublets) to $2500 (see 312 College Ave). I stayed in a one bedroom studio in Collegetown Center apartments via a sublet that ran me $790/mo with everything included except internet (fun story- I could get free internet if I balanced my laptop on top of my fridge and stood on my tiptoes to reach it). The building wasn't good at all for my allergies (cigarette smoke from other rooms) but if you don't have any allergies it's a fine place to be. Great location being right next to Jack's, CTB, Stella's, and obviously campus. I now live out by East Hill and couldn't recommend it enough to anyone who likes peace and quiet at home. The bus is extremely easy to take to and from campus, and the rent is much cheaper for a really nice, nice place ($600/month for room in a 3 bedroom townhouse, new construction, private baths in every bedroom, fireplace, high ceilings, views of open sky and cornfield, in-house washer/dryer, patio, central air cooling and heating, etc. etc. etc.) I love it. The one thing is, there aren't any singles available in the unit, the smallest units are 2 bedroom so you would need to stay with a housemate. Site here: (don't let the crappy website turn you off) http://www.ithacahome.com/. Also, to everyone else at Cornell, you might as well be living in Cortland. People are still willing to make the trek over for a nice wine party, though I wouldn't recommend graduate school housing really, unless you're international (so many international students there, it's probably good for them to have a support system though). If you do go grad, I'd recommend Hasbrouck just because I knew people living there in one bedrooms and they liked it well enough (not sure about pets). Personally, I love living downtown, and did that one summer as I took over my boyfriend's room in a 3 bedroom apt. Great vibe, still pretty peaceful, SUCH great stuff to walk to. If you're a social butterfly I'd go downtown over anything else, and most of the grad students in the dept I'm friends with live there. All the bars are there, and all the restaurants. One thing: gotta visit the places. There are a lot of run down old houses in Ithaca, but also some great finds. If I wasn't at East Hill I'd be downtown without a shadow of a doubt. I wouldn't recommend Collegetown unless you like oggling the freshman sorority girls in their bandaid skirts and unwalkable heels. I really didn't like how loud it was here (cars, beeping, yelling, etc), but that just might be me being nerdy me. Proximity to campus obviously can't be beat, but the tcat is so great I didn't really care one way or another. I would say only live here if you love undergrads, CTB in Ctown (there's a CTB downtown and at East Hill too, don't forget), and related sights and sounds (downtown has far more night life to offer) I don't know how you feel about ctown from your time here, but I got sick of undergrads come sophomore year. Anyway if you have any more specific questions I'd be more than happy to answer them. Congrats again and I'm so glad you get to spend the next few years high above Cayuga's waters! I'm more than a little jealous and would be staying here if physics accepted their own.

Thank you all so much! On average, how many graduate courses do you take in one quarter? And, is there any difference from the whole "three hours studying for every credit hour spent in class" rule for undergraduates?

Hi there, I'm a prospective grad interested in a Physics PhD program at a school that operates under the quarter system. At this point after four years I've been so submersed in the flow of the semester system, it's difficult for me to picture the quarter system. I was wondering if anyone could give me any feedback about how they like taking classes and TAing within the quarter system. Ups, downs? Any comment would be useful for this curious prospie. Thanks!