the thing is (and I'm still writing the damned thing!), is that I am an, oh there has to be some euphemism for it, but I'm applying to HGSE for the MBE program, and I am 37 years old with 13 years teaching experience. So I start a paragraph, and end up with tons of anecdotes and examples of students I've taught as cases to support various arguments. Needless to say, this takes up a LOT of space. I've revised several times, and each time I do, I get back up to the 2500 word mark.
Although I've removed it, here was my intro, stealing the writing style (and line breaks) of Marguerite Duras:
It was Hokkaido, Japan, my father and I lounging in chairs, drinking in the view of Tokayo Lake from our hotel room, the window swung outwards about a third to allow the unseasonably mild April air waft in and about the room.
It was a holiday. It was a four-day continuous conversation, interrupted only by sleep, of a father mentoring his son, giving that blank-check assurance that all children seek, whether the are half a year or fifty years old.
It was a time to commit. I flew home, sold the house, and founded the alternative school I always felt should have existed.
(and then I get into the meat of the essay)
The HGSE SOP requires two things: your objectives for graduate study, and your background. The creative version alternates between the two using non-sequiturs in the style of Stuart Dybek, and includes one section where I step out of the essay completely to comment in "real time" about the writing of the essay (technique stolen from John Edgar Wideman), about trying to complete a Harvard application in between the constant bushfires that spring up daily while running a school and teaching a zillion classes.
The other version is just more straightforward. Or another way to do the "straightforward" structure would be to use my more creative language and anecdotes, then wrap up with some very serious paragraphs on ongoing and potential future research in education.
btw, my sister does admissions for U Mich psych grad applicants. She says that if an essay is too long, or too florid, it pisses her off because she feels its wasting her time. Needless to say, we are VERY different people!!