harrisonfjord

Thank you all for your responses! They are very kind and helpful. I have been taking medication to cope under the guidance of a doctor and I have tried therapy with very little results. So my go-to is yoga and reading instead. I guess my struggle is not really with time management (I work 20 hours as a research assistant and 20 hours at an internship. Ive finished my coursework and I'm starting the dissertation process now). Its more so the constant criticism and rejection from peers, professors, journals, conferences, etc. I have unfortunately not encountered anyone supportive apart from my advisor and I do not have a cohort. So my question is more so how do you build up a resilient self esteem in the face of constant competition and rejection?

I used to be calm and collected but I feel like a ball of stress and anxiety 99% of the time. Ive fallen into a depression where I barely recognize myself anymore. Has anyone else gone through this? What did you do to cope and get your life back?

I have an MS already, and three years of job experience so I would not be completely out of luck. Unfortunately I cannot take medical leave because I would have no insurance and would lose half my income.

After a lot of thought and reflection I realized I am absolutely miserable in my program. Has anyone here quit their program early? I am in the process of finishing my QE, already completed classes. But I have no self worth anymore and feel hopeless. Therapy has not helped.

I am the first person in my immediate family to get a bachelor's/master's. I am the only person in my immediate and extended family to pursue a PhD. I feel like imposter syndrome hits me extra hard because it's always something I am self conscious of. I work extremely hard but deep down I feel like it's tough to be accepted into the academic world without a mentor. Thankfully I have a great advisor, but I still feel like I don't really *belong.*

This question seems pretty lame, because I feel like by my mid twenties, I should already have my group of friends. I have friends in my program and in other grad programs, but frankly, I am SO tired of the constant complaining, talking about, discussing, competing, humble bragging (whatever it is that arrogant grad students/members of the cohort do) that it's wearing on me and draining me. Any ideas for finding friends that aren't obsessed with academia? I'm just tired of work and school being my life 24/7 and never really escaping it. I've thought about trying meet ups, but I just feel awkward. I'm also too old to be on campus doing the undergrad meeting people thing.

Thank you all for these suggestions/your input. This is really helpful advice. After reading this I think a lot of my stress comes from social isolation, so I'm definitely going to make an effort to focus on that. I appreciate you all taking the time to respond. It's always nice to have some outside input because at times, I just feel like I'm going crazy. I tend to feel guilty whenever I'm not working, but working all the time is a recipe for disaster. I need to take more time to recharge.

I have a hard time writing at certain times in the week and based on some productivity research I've been reading, some sources suggest to tackle some of the more taxing writing sessions when you are in the mood to write rather than when you schedule them. My question is--generally, do you schedule time to write, if so, when do you find you write most effectively? 2) do you have any strategies for making the most of your writing time?

First of all, congrats on finishing your thesis! That is a major milestone, so celebrate that victory. Second, you have to view them separately. The purpose of the thesis is to introduce you to managing your own independent project and to start becoming an independent thinker and scholar, you succeeded there. I don't think anyone is ever truly happy with their "finished" theses or dissertations--after all, we are always trained to be critical and to view things through a critical lens. You pointed out that you realized that writing a theoretical paper was a lot more challenging than you originally planned--that information right there demonstrates that you have already grown because you are able to recognize and learn from the process. And now that you recognize this--you can move into your dissertation knowing that you are even more informed and prepared than you were before. I would talk to your advisor or a trusted faculty member and ask for their input. Generally, since they are in the field, they have knowledge and experience in applying to journals that are related to your topic(s) of interest and can point you in the right direction. And, even if you do submit and your paper is rejected, the worst thing that happens is you get feedback from reviewers and you can evaluate it and either resubmit, or submit to another journal. In the meantime, I am unsure of how it works in your field, but generally conference proceedings are less pressure in my field. You could submit some of your work to a conference for initial feedback and then use that to help scaffold a longer, more detailed journal article. Unfortunately that iterative process is just part of life as a researcher, and while it can be disheartening to get negative feedback, it's always a chance to learn and improve the process for next time. Hope this helps, even just a little.

I am done with my PhD coursework but still have the major milestones to go. I have worked two jobs and have not taken care of myself. I can feel myself hitting the "burn out" wall and I don't really have any outside hobbies outside of school/work. I am trying to get back into an exercise routine, but is there anything you find helpful to prevent yourself from burning out? Are there any things that help you keep your motivation up?

Thank you all for your input, I withdrew and feel so relieved!

The problem is the current PI of the lab is so busy that I don't ever see him. I've seen him once since I started working there in January, no exaggeration. Another PhD student and a student who just graduated with their bachelor's both run the projects I am working on, but the PhD student moved out of state, and is running the projects over skype/email so as you can imagine, it is chaotic and disorganized. I honestly cannot look them in the face and tell them it's been a pleasure working with them. I could do it over email, but I am so upset about my ideas being continually stolen that it's a complete lie. The reason I don't want to say I'm switching labs is because there are some politics between my new lab and the old one. I also just really don't want them to know my business. One of the guys, which I have mentioned in a previous post, continually steals my ideas and I'd just rather keep it a secret from him as long as possible. I've had a lot of family problems this semester and my job schedule is really crazy, so those are also two valid excuses that wouldn't be lies. Also, the two labs are run out of different programs, it may come across them via departmental gossip, but I personally would not have to see them again. I'm not suggesting lying, i just think that in this case it may be beneficial for me to cite my job and family as reasons why I am unable to continue over the summer. It's a complicated mess, and I mean I could tell them, I just don't really want to continue having a relationship with them.

Thank you all for your input. It has all been really valuable. This isn't just a general idea that we discussed. The case is more of what TakeruK stated, this individual is taking my ideas that we discuss in the lab for the design of a study, and is parroting them to the PI rest of the lab. Then from there, because he is the lab manager, he "removed" me from that project and tasked me with something else to do. I am also 5th author on a paper that I wrote the entire discussion for, despite the fact that when we had the authorship conversation, I was originally going to be third author. I am getting really fed up with this abuse of authority essentially. I was going to talk to my PI, but since I have no email or written records to prove the conversations we had, and the already existing designs I developed, there is no way for me to "prove" that these were my ideas. The worst part is that I'm a master's student and this student recently graduated with his undergraduate degree, and will not officially be working as a graduate student until fall. It's like he seems to find pleasure in the fact that he can order me around and take my ideas with no repercussions. He's a shady person.

I currently volunteer in a lab since I do not have a funded research position. I recently came upon a funded research opportunity and decided to take it. Since I do not get paid for my volunteering position, and I do not have time to do both, I need to "quit" my current lab. How do you go about handling this? I thought about lying and saying that I have an internship I will be completing or some other obligation that makes it no longer possible for me to work with the lab. I don't want to burn a bridge, but I also don't want to tell the people in the lab where I am going. They will figure it out eventually, but since it's the end of the semester, I think another excuse might be more beneficial. Any ideas?

Have you ever had a colleague who tried to take your ideas and pass them off as their own? How did you handle it? One of my lab colleagues completely stole one of my ideas and now he is receiving credit for it. I realize now I made a huge mistake because I never sent him emails indiciating that this was my idea in the first place. How do you deal with shady people like this? I sort of want to confront him about it but he's also the "lab manager" and I don't want to make the rest of my time in the lab miserable. This is sadly not the first time it has happened.

I'm currently a master's student though. My understanding is that withdrawing in graduate school has a different impact than withdrawing in undergrad.

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Hello All, I realize that these decisions are best made by talking to advisors and the professor directly. That said, I have done both of these things with little guidance, so I wanted to outsource to some other advice. I am currently in a master's program and I plan on applying to PhD programs this fall. My program is extremely interdisciplinary so I often have to take courses outside my "home" field, psychology. That said, this semester I am enrolled in an industrial engineering course on a topic related to my focus, but not quite. It is essentially an elective. It is not required for me to graduate. I have had several family issues this semester. Right before my midterm, my mom was involved in a severe car accident. My sister who is chronically ill, also had to have 3 surgeries in the span of two weeks while this was going on. As you can imagine, I spent many nights in the hospital with both of them and had to take a week or so off of work since my mom is the only one who cares for my sister. I am enrolled in classes full time and I have an on campus assistantship (as well as an unpaid research position). I missed the midterm because my mom got into the car accident the night before. I emailed my professor and was able to make up the exam after speaking to him about my situation. However, it was an essay exam that I did not prepare well for, given my time constraints with my family and other obligations. I'm not making excuses, I'm just trying to plan the best course of action here. The professor has still not graded said midterm and the withdraw deadline is today at midnight. I honestly have no idea how I did on this test, and it's worth 40% of my grade. I did the calculations and if I get a 95 on the next two assignments, I can pass the class with a B, even if I failed the exam. This is not unmanageable, since I did some extra credit work at the beginning of the semester for 5 points extra credit on my final. My question is: should I withdraw from this course, and if so, how bad does this look when applying for PhD programs? Does it look better to try and push through rather than withdraw? My other classes do not have midterm exams, so I am doing well in both of those, it just so happens the timeline for this course was the only one that was affected. I have tried talking to my advisor, but I am not really getting anywhere other than "those both look bad. Maybe you should stay in the course and talk to the professor?" My professor hasn't answered my email for days now, and I realistically cannot expect an answer by the end of today. I planned on talking to him after class today, but he cancelled class and office hours today. Any advice on how to proceed?

I realize that people caution against finishing all of your degrees at one single institution, particularly if you are planning on teaching. I understand the premise is to become a well rounded researcher and that one school only provides you with a limited perspective. My program is not common and is only offered at 5 schools in the US, one of which you need to be a government employee or military officer to attend. There are marginally related PhD programs I could apply to, and I definitely do plan on applying to other schools out of state. How bad is it to stay at your alma mater if the resources, professors, and research will still greatly contribute to my success and I could potentially cut the time to my PhD in half?

I completely understand! The only thing is, I will have a very flexible schedule in Spring and I need the compensation package. I already have so many loans that I am willing to do what it takes to decrease the amount. We are talking the difference between 55,000 and 75,000 in loans if I do not have to take out loans for an entire year. I was applying for full time jobs anyway, so I would have just reduced my courseload if I wasn't offered this position, or maybe even taken a semester off. I do appreciate you pointing out that it will be stressful and time consuming, but I have also interned in the ER and worked at a high-stakes business law firm, so I definitely have felt pressure like that before. I honestly would rather be stressed out from job as opposed to being stressed out that I can't pay rent (or choosing between eating or putting gas in my car). I know it won't be easy, but I think it's at least worth testing the waters. If it turns out to be too much, my contract is only for a year and I still will graduate relatively close to my original timeline.

Thank you all for your input. It is much appreciated. I still can volunteer as an RA, I just will not be able to find a funded position. If anything, I'm hoping this works out well because the hours I work will open up my schedule a bit more and I will have more freedom to find my thesis advisor and start working on my thesis (my program doesn't designate an advisor once you are admitted, you have to take a semester of classes before you select a thesis advisor). The job isn't exactly an RA position, it's the next step above that. So I would be supervising a team of RAs (7-10 undergraduate students), but I think the management and supervisory experience could also be very valuable.

Thank you both for your insights. It definitely helped me to put things into perspective.

I am currently in grad school working on my master's in a STEM field; however, I am barely making end's meet. Some weeks (not all) I will go for one-two weeks on $20 because I just don't make enough to support myself comfortably. I am about 55,000 in student loan debt and I am in the first year of my master's program (that includes my undergrad loans). Right now I am in a predicament because I was offered a prestigious fellowship (I am currently an unfunded master's student). The department only grants it to 6 students, and it is a one-time award (so I won't be getting it for future semesters). It covers tuition but nothing else. I was recently offered a position with the housing department but it is a stressful and time consuming on call position. I would be in a management role, so it would be good to get that experience and the benefits package is really awesome: tuition waiver, free housing, a meal plan, health insurance, and the pay I am making now on top of everything. The stipulation is I cannot have the fellowship with an assistantship position. I can only do one or the other. In the long term, I am interested in research with the DoD and I have also applied to several research positions recently (within the last week) but I have not heard back yet. Therefore, the housing job is not particularly good for my career goals because it would take away from my ability to do research (you also can't have a research assistantship and an assistantship in another department). I currently rent a room in a house, but my name is on the lease so I would have to deal with the stress of trying to find someone to sublease, etc. within the next month if I accept the housing job. But long story short, I have crappy roommates and I would live alone if I got the housing position. What would you do in this situation? I have already given my current boss my two week's notice, and she knows I applied for the housing position. The part-time job I have now doesn't give me enough hours to make anything worthwhile and the hours I do work make it impossible for me to have another job. I'm lucky if my paychecks cover gas, so I will have to take out loans anyway even if I have the fellowship (until I can find another job). I have to give the housing job an answer in 8 hours and I have no idea what I should do.

I have been in graduate school for over a year now, but I recently switched to a different (but similar) master's program. This is my first semester in the new program and I am feeling burnt out. I had to take 4 classes this semester (because some of them are only offered once a year) and I needed to get in all 4 before starting my thesis next fall. I am also working 20 hours a week in an unrelated job and doing research. All of these things keep piling up and I feel like I barely have enough time to eat or sleep, let alone take care of myself. Some of my classes are not difficult, but they are still time consuming. I know there are some people in PhD programs with a full time job and kids, so I know this is not impossible to handle. But do you have any suggestions for making things feel a bit more manageable? I feel like I am always catching up and I never really get ahead. I am constantly tired and stressed out. I recently was out one week for a conference, and for the past 2 weeks I have been fighting a bad head cold. Looking at the amount I have to accomplish in the next 4 weeks before the semester will end makes me feel like I am running a race I will never finish.

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