Cosmojo
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Posts posted by Cosmojo
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Most of us at one time or another will go through a really tough time in grad school and really struggle, and maybe think about quitting. Maybe you will get so far as to apply for jobs or tell others you are leaving- but you end up staying (or not). How do you tell the difference between it being just a rough period and knowing it should be done?
This is both a general question and a personal one. I've come to the start of my 3rd year and although I feel I am successful in my research and that I really do love what I research, I feel that it is just so much harder than it should be. I have hit a point with my PI that he isn't really being helpful, he isn't mean or rude, just absent. There is no one in my research area really at my university besides him and a few other profs who are absolutely never around, and I'm the only student in my research group right now. Its just so hard to know if I could leave and be happy and never regret it, or if this is just a phase and I just need to get motivated again.
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Well I'm sure many of us have heard it before, the 2-body problem is a hard one to solve. My significant other (SO) is great. SO currently has a great job, works from home and is the primary breadwinner, which isn't really saying much when you are on a stipend. SO has supported me through degree after degree,all over the country, and has been really selfless about it. There has always been an understanding that when I am done with my degree that I will try and find a job in a location SO wants to be, and that we will try and settle down so that SO can complete his degree.
This is an issue when I think about the fact that I might have to take a postdoc or 2 and then a "real job" but I can't imagine that we are the first couple to deal with this. How do I get a job I want, and settle down? Is there a way to avoid the location jumping-hopefully without leaving research?
We cannot be the first people to struggle with this, experiences and stories please!
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I cried in my advisors office today, just a little like a single tear, but still. I have some chronic health issues and basically I'm dealing with this new set of symptoms and I was trying not to let it interfere with my work and now it is. So I had to tell him about it, he was so nice and understanding, but I still feel terrible.
I have cluster migraines and when they get really bad I get aphasia, so when I have a migraine coming on I slur my words, and I can barely read or write until the migraine is over, but what is the worst part is usually at the time what I'm writing looks fine to me. I could write a sentence that is suppose to be "my dog loves to play in the park" but what everyone else would see is "my dog love paly on the pack" so basically I've been turning in work that is gibberish recently and only noticing it once my migraine is over.
Anyways he was nice and said that I should take the time I need and that he would keep that in mind as I turn work in and if anyone approaches him about the quality of my work he would explain it to them, but still, really stinks. I know that now I know I can take the time I need to rest and not stress about getting work done fast it will be ok, but I still feel like a disappointment. Oh graduate school, I'm never good enough.
I did pass my oral qualifier this week though! yay me! committee said I did a really good job and they will see me when I go to defend in 2-3 years
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I don't really care for children, especially babies. I like the idea of having kids and the whole family thing, but the actual process of carrying a child and giving birth freaks me out. Plus being responsible for a tiny helpless creature is a tall order.
But when I get together with my best friends from high school, the ones that have children make me feel like I'm missing out and that I've pretty much blown my chances at having a family by pursuing an academic career. Not intentionally, but it still makes me feel a little conflicted about my life choices. Of course, one friend did tell me that she thought it would be really hard on me to have kids after having a career. I'm not sure if that means it will just be hard to balance things or if she expects me to drop everything like a few of my friends did and become a stay at home mom, which would no doubt be crappy.
I certainly don't regret my pursuit of science and academia, but I'm really starting to wish it didn't take me 10 years to get a B.S. I would have far fewer student loans and I'd be finishing up my PhD by now instead of just starting, which would make starting a family so much simpler. Then again, maybe tomorrow I will hear a screaming child and all of these feelings will go away. Blech.
I want babies, and their chubby little faces and all the tiny little clothes. I want the racket and the mess and the snuggles. What I struggle with is how I feel I can't have academia and that. Almost all my mentors are men and have stay at home wives. Well as a straight woman I will never have a stay at home wife....and my fiance is the career minded type as well- except we both want kids. I feel selfish, that if I choose career I am putting down something in me that is very instinctual, but if I choose to be a mom that I am not living up to my potential, or worse even not being a good mom by never being around and putting my job ahead of my family. Optimistically, I'll be done with a Ph.D. at 26, done with post doc at 28, established in a job at 30- do I really need to wait that long too feel like its ok for me to have children because heavens knows it would be looked down upon if I did it now.
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Yes, it is possible to have multiple interests
I have a dual bachelors that I completed simultaneously. One in Japanese Studies, one in Physics.
I am currently pursuing my Ph.D. in physics.
I almost went to graduate school for Japanese studies though, I'm still not sure why I didn't, maybe because I didn't feel my language fluency was as good as some of my peers.
I dont think it is strange to have more than one strong academic interest, if there is more than one thing that gets you excited I think you are probably just an academic type who loves to learn. As long as once you enter a graduate program you can set your other interests aside to really focus on one for awhile you will be fine.
In terms of "thinking of other specialties" I wouldn't worry about that...research evolves through a lifetime. One of the people who first theorized that the universe started in big bang scenario was trained as a civil engineer and then went to seminary before moving to physics.
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f*ck this noise. Spent the first part of the week in the hospital for the second time in two months. At least my apartment didn't burn down again so theres a silver-lining. Oh wait! But that grant application is still due on Friday! No way it's going to get funded now, but I still have to try. No data again in lab meeting because all hell has broken loose. I am tired of feeling like a broken failure. My arm really hurts from the IV. I'm so tired.
I just want to get up to speed and stay there for a little bit....just make a little actual progress before I get knocked back down again. So hard to stay focused.
feel better! I hope you are ok. best of luck with everything.
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Today is not my day. Got rejected for 2 fellowships, one yesterday one today, which isn't really that big of a deal, but rejection always hurts a bit. Car check engine light went in on my way to work, I just paid ~$1000 to have it fixed last month. My stipend is certainly not big enough for these type of car problems. My advisor stood me up for our meeting today. Having a major data issue and my dissertation proposal is due very soon. There was a nasty bug in my shower this morning.
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To those who said they were denied, what did your email say?
Dear 2015 NDSEG Applicant,
Thank you for your interest in the National Defense Science and Engineering Graduate (NDSEG) Fellowship Program. The selection process was very thorough and your application was reviewed by many experts in your discipline. Unfortunately, your application was not selected for an award during the 2015 application evaluation process.
NDSEG is very competitive and there were many more qualified applicants than could be funded. Unfortunately, we are not able to provide any feedback on your application, but please feel free to contact us if you have any other questions. We wish you well in your academic endeavors and thank you again for your interest in the NDSEG Fellowship Program.
Sincerely,
The NDSEG Program Team at ASEE
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That's helpful, thanks. Easing some of my concerns as my proposed research is right up the DoD's alley.
yea I do solar/space physics. The Navy (of all people) do a ton of research in my area.
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That'd be great to see--all I've heard so far is how the points are distributed.
http://www.eng.umd.edu/sites/default/files/research/2013-writing-successful-dod-fellowship-app.pdf
this person talks about evaluating for both SMART and NDSEG and gives tips, I think I had some found something about the review process somewhere else but I can't find it right now.
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yea so you are ranked on that point system, I can post a full explanation from a former reviewer if ppl are curious. then some top percentile, maybe 40% (not sure how this varies field to field) are sent to the DoD, and then they are matched by research from there from what I understand, not percentile, so you basically have to make the top percentile and then be interesting, but being the top 1% is not necessarily any better than being the top 30%.
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I also called them, but when they said "mid-April," I asked if that meant April 15th, and they said "yes that would be the absolute latest it could be."
Thanks for calling, I'm hoping because they announced fairly earliesh last year, and they seem to announce soon after NSF that it will be end of this week or next, which isn't too bad. At least we have each other to commiserate with.
Is it possible to get this without any publications or am I kidding myself at this point? I wrote about my undergrad research and linked to my honors thesis but I never bothered submitting it to any journals.
Yes, anything is possible. NDSEG is a little more about if the DoD is interested in your research, obviously there is a talent component to it but still at the end of the day its a crapshoot. NDSEG's website says on average 10% of applicants are awarded. Do the math, thats a smaller percentage than NSF who this year awarded ~12.5%. Fellowships take a decent amount of skill and a whole lot of luck.
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Yea I had a terrible reviewer situation for NSF...arg. Come on DoD!!!
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its up
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I am actually more calm knowing that I will find out soon cause then I can just know and it will be over.
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only on the main fastlane page which isn't normally how it happens
I'll recap. You are correct this isn't normally how it happens. BUT the NSF operator message said it would be released in the next 2 days when a previous poster called today. This year the largest number of people applied so they have a larger task to do so they may need to take the whole website down, or they could just be changing it up cause they can. Results have always been released Tuesday or Fridays.
Hence the panic.
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Is the release time in Eastern Standard Time? If it is, I might end up staying up after all...
Affirmative.
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so even though its only 10am EST...who is staying up tonight?
I know some people say don't do it but I'm typically up till 2 am EST anyways so its not a big deal for me to stay up an hour longer
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Possible you're right, but I hope not. They are also having 2 maintenance periods within a couple days. The one that happened Sunday could have been regular maintenance, the other the GRF.
I so want to be wrong....
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Yeah, I second this inquiry
Yea, so since all of fastlane is going to be down tomorrow some seem to think this means that results will be posted. On the other hand it has been noted that in the past years they have only taken down the GRF page to post results and have never posted a warning this advanced so it may actually just be routine maintenance. They have maintenance overnight nearly every other week in this same 10pm-3am window.
The reality is none of us actually know when it is. Speculation, I'd love for it to be tomorrow but I feel like we are jumping the gun a little on this one.
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I don't think so at all! I think you need to find a balance between quality of research but the size of department. Consider this:
Program A is a tier 1 research institution, not very well known overall but has very good funding and labs for what you want to do, in fact has a few top level people. Consider this program "up and coming" Since this program is not as well known it has less graduate students in this specialty.
Program B is also a tier 1 institution, is the best in the field for what you want to do, has a few top level people as well along with many mid-level people. This program has many many graduate students in this speciality due to its great reputation, many of these graduate students have great fellowships and win lots of awards.
I think program A is a much better opportunity because you are have the chance to be a big fish in a small pond. In a large program with lots of students the chance that you will be overlooked and provided with less 1-on-1 with top people making for less personal recommendations and less networking. Program B you very well may end up being just another graduate student in a whole slew of extremely talented people, where as with program A you can still work with top people, but on a much closer level and you can distinguish yourself more.
Rankings are meaningless unless you distinguish yourself. Find where you personally will succeed.
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I checked last years forum and the message was only on the GRFP page that it would be going down, and it was put up at 8pm EST the night before results were posted...so I don't know if those messages about all of fastlane going down is related or not. who knows could be tomorrow
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I should write a scientific paper on how time slows down relativistically the closer you get to when the fellowships announce winners.
I was just telling someone today how I should graph my productivity as the time for these fellowships to be announced gets closer. the drop off is unbelievable.
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Just a bump on this for now. The NSF people are getting antsy; I want to believe some of us NDSEG are just more calm and collected but its probably just because we're a smaller group
.haha, as someone in part of both groups (oh the anxiety!) in the recent past, since 2010, NSF has always announced first and then a week or so later NDSEG announces. not claiming its intentional just observing
NSF:
2014: Tuesday, April 1, 2014 @ 2:00 AM
2013 : Friday, March 29, 2013 @ ~2:00AM
2012: Friday, April 1, 2012 @ ~2:00AM
2011: Tuesday, April 5, 2011 @ ~12:50AM
2010: Tuesday, April 6, 2010 @ ~1:00AM
2009: Friday, April 10, 2009 @ ~1:00AM
2008: Tuesday, April 1, 2008 @ ~2:00AM
2007: Monday, March 23. 2007 @ ~11:20 PM
NDSEG:
2014: April 10
2013: April 3
2012: April 13
2011: April 18
2010: April 12
2009: March 31
2008: March 29?
2007: April 2
- Munashi and unbrokenthread
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Difference between a slump and calling it quits
in The Lobby
Posted
Thanks, I do WANT to, and plan on it, I think this has just been a rough summer. I'm not far behind in my research, I'm actually very successful....which is why this feeling is hard for me. Need to find that source of motivation.