I will paraphrase what a good friend told me when I was having a similar dilemma: "Have you considered that you are trying too hard? You seem to hold yourself to impossible standards and then if you don't achieve it, you are profoundly upset." I have found yoga /meditation (at any level) to be helpful in centering myself, and silencing the crippling guilt I feel for not achieving a goal. Yes, most days the guilt comes back, frequently for events far past, but I try to list the good that I have done even without perfectly achieving my goals. GradHooting, I see passion in your posts and I believe that you can overcome those fallacies in your mind!