poco_puffs

My experience as the liberal odd duck wasn't in an academic environment, but rather as the extremely liberal girlfriend of a guy with an extremely conservative extended family-- still a lot of pressure, especially since I was staying with all of them during a long vacation. I learned a couple of lessons that might help you weather the significantly longer challenge you're about to face: 1.) Resist the urge to bait others about their beliefs unless you are prepared for the possibility of an argument, ill-will, being humiliated or ostracized, etc. Choose your battles. 2.) If YOU are the one being baited, resist the urge to escalate the interaction. Keep a level-head and express your beliefs with sincerity (not sarcasm); be a good representative of the ideology you espouse. 3.) Be prepared to answer questions, clearly and pleasantly, in case someone is legitimately curious or if you are in a situation where not answering the question (or answering it poorly) would be a mark against you or your beliefs. 4.) Most of the people you meet will believe as firmly in their ideology as you believe in yours. It's taken them years to develop their ideas and sentiments, so don't expect to "convert" people simply because you believe they are mistaken or misguided. Feel free to relish in small victories, but be realistic about your ability to start some sort of revolution on campus. I'm sure you'll find some other people who run along the same political/social lines as yourself. Even the most conservative campus will have its contingent of outliers. Find some campus groups, have lunch together, do some volunteering-- you'll find your own little pocket of acceptance, and with luck it will get bigger over time.

I managed to register for classes this morning (yay University of Oregon!) but now I'm having trouble finding any reading lists for the courses in the upcoming year. I'll have scads of free time this summer in between shifts at my job, and I'd like to get a head start on the hundreds and thousands of pages I'll have to read. I think my new university is ready for the Type As, otherwise. They've been good about sending out information packets with new ID numbers, classes, health center info etc. I *REALLY* would like to get moving, though. Having the big move looming over my head is stressing me out more than anything.

It's good to know that there is such a variety of options out there that have WORKED for people and aren't just theoretical. Especially in the last case, it's heartening that names can be somewhat fluid without completely disrupting someone's academic identity.

For me, it's a professional consideration and an issue of convenience. For him, it's a matter of family identity and national pride. My hesitation to ask him to change his name is only a little bit influenced by a sense of tradition; it's mostly because he's a lot more attached to his name than I am to mine. Edit: I can't help but look at what I wrote through a gender lens and ask myself if that is just Western society speaking through me-- that I am less attached to my own name than he is to his own. The truth is, I've NEVER been fond of my own name, or even my initials, and I used to fantasize about changing my name all the time. I still have a completely different pen name if I ever start publishing non-academically. I know I'm not the only person who dislikes their own name: a girl at work still has her heart set on being an actress/model, and she daydreams about new names constantly because her given surname strikes her as so awkward sounding and as something that doesn't match her personality.

The stipend I'll be receiving for my upcoming PhD is a little less than $9,500k/year (nine months really). The funny thing is that it's almost the same exact amount as I've been making at the job I had during my undergrad and my year off between degrees, and although I'll have a marginally higher rent and some new bills to worry about (splitting a cell plan and car insurance with my SO) it's really not all that bad when my student loan payments get deferred. I sat down and made a "now" and "future" budget with each income level to worry about, and it looks like I might have even more disposable income in grad school than I have out of school. One thing to note is that I've been on foodstamps for the last nine months because of the loan payments, and I'm not sure if I'll continue them while I'm in graduate school. Once the loan payments stop, I should be able to transfer back to buying groceries on my monthly income. My money-saving strategies: My SO and I live in a smaller apartment than we need to in order to save on rent, and I am psychotic about saving electricity (esp. on heating bills-- weatherstripping saved us hundreds of dollars last winter). I'm picky about indulgences: I also don't buy meat or expensive frozen meals, I don't eat out more than an uber-cheap meal once a week, I almost never go to bars, and my clothing budget has been hovering around $100 annually for the last five years. I buy my books second-hand, I never go to the theatre or concerts, I never buy DVDs or CDs; we pay $10 a month for Netflix and $50/yr for the Xbox Live that allows us to stream ungodly amounts of movies through our Netflix subscription, and hulu.com has rendered cable unnecessary. Once we move to the new city, I'll be either walking, biking or taking public transit to school/work. I'm not gadget-crazy, so my tech budget is low except for the hopefully one-time purchases of a new laptop and an external hard drive. I foresee my book and paper budget increasing back to or above undergrad levels, and I will be making the move up to some slightly nicer clothes in order to play the part. I'm also thinking about getting pet insurance, which runs between $15 and $30 a month for the less expensive but still impressive plans. I had to drop over a grand on my cat last December, and I'd like to avoid future free-for-alls at the vet.

That'll only happen if teaching doesn't work out. Then it will be a dark and ironic reminder of my academic potential gone to waste.

I plan to work at the restaurant until July or August, and start looking for apartments in my new city about a month before I quit. The money situation makes me nervous: I have to be able to pay rent and student loans for whatever time is left between getting my job and getting that first stipend check. I'm thinking about doing an emergency deferment for at least one or two months in order to bridge the gap. Other plans include finishing fun reading, being outside, playing Red Dead Redemption, exercising more and starting the reading for next year. I'll be signing up for a class winter term that involves reading Clarissa, which is one of the longest novels in the English language. Need to get a head start!

That will be my super-hero name.

I had thought of combining the names, or both of us reverting back to a commonly held family name (not even sure if one exists). I think I suggested him taking my name at one point, and he didn't seem all that interested in the idea. Another fun piece in the puzzle: Would I rather be known as Professor Bray (my maiden name) or Professor Cloo (his name, pronounced just like it looks)? That's more an issue of vanity than convenience, however. You also see why hyphenation would sound odd. Damned awkward monosyllabic surnames!

I got sidetracked when writing reply #9 earlier: The point of the first two paragraphs about divorce and all that is that in the last century, the last fifty years, the last twenty years etc there has been some accelerated change in terms of gender norms, family norms, professional norms and so on. "Fragmentation" has a negative ring to it, but I think that there IS a growing number of accepted ways of being as people are allowed to make choices and live their lives freely. What would have raised an eyebrow thirty years ago (The trends of hyphenation, keeping a maiden name, or any other variation) is not so shocking now, and I have no doubt that whatever choices we make with our names these days will eventually be looked upon as perfectly reasonable and not strange in the slightest.

Divorce has crossed my mind, in fact, but mostly because of family history. Though their marriage is intact, my parents both had previous marriages, so I've spoken with my mother about her experience in taking and changing names. Also, my older sister has had some unfortunate business with names after a divorce, since I'm pretty sure she felt forced to keep her ex-husbands name because of the identity she had established for herself as a professional woman. At least half of my high school friends had divorced or remarried parents, and hyphenated names or names that differed from one or more siblings/parents were fairly common among my set. Some of them had mothers who had kept their maiden names for one reason or another, and beyond the initial confusion or curiosity, I don't think there was any deep-seated anxiety or anger about mothers keeping their maiden names. Too bad the people who came up with the whole take-thy-husbands name convention didn't imagine a future where women would have their own identities and careers to consider.

I have considered both hyphenation and this option. With my current guy, the combination of our last names would result in something pretty abrupt-sounding and odd-looking, which makes either of these options a little less appealing. I've seen other women go the "Jada Pinkett Smith" route, and I think it's generally a beautiful compromise as you've pointed out. I've also considered combining our last names into one new last name, since the combination would produce a more common sounding name anyway, but then both identities are lost. Great point about the competing academic identities, as well!

Confusion understandable. I've been in a serious relationship for a long time now, but marriage is still a long way down the road. The name thing is just something that I've been thinking about a lot.

Just wondering if anyone has any experience with this: What would you suggest for an academic of the lady persuasion who gets married and is presented with the option of taking a new last name? Is it crazy that I can see an issue arising where I publish some things under one name and then start publishing under my married name? I've considered keeping my maiden name for professional reasons and keeping the new name for my personal life, checks, forms etc.

See, I have no problem with people taking notes on their laptops. I think it's a great use of technology, and it works a lot better for some people. I, for one, type a lot faster than I can write by hand, so if I was more inclined to drag my lappy around I'd probably take hella notes. I really ONLY have a problem with the people who abuse the laptop policies to slack off and then, on top of everything, distract other people. Daydreaming or staring at a speck of dust is not nearly as distracting to a neighboring student as bright flashing colors or OMIGODIMSOWASTED facebook photos. (Sidenote: I daydream too. It happens. I'm not a Stepford Student who never daydreams) If I asked a student what they have written a few lines before and they have obviously been taking notes, I'd probably never ever bother them again. If I ask a student what I said five minutes ago and they draw a complete blank because they've been playing The Impossible Quiz for the last forty minutes, I'll ask them to use their laptop for notes or shut it. If I see a student surrounded by four others who can't pay attention or are staring daggers because of something happening on the screen, I'm going to assume the laptop user is doing something unrelated to class. It's the distraction that's the issue, not the technology.

Agreed. I have often questioned myself on what I will do as a professor (someday) to keep shit like this in hand. My general position is this: students can waste their own time and their/parents money if they want. As soon as it distracts one other student who actualy gives half a flip about getting their money's worth, it's on. As a student, I was never a fan of the overt embarassment some professors used on students with distracting and offensive habits, but in the end I preferred that approach to the head-in-the-sand method. I know the job gets stressful, and maybe cell phones etc seem like a small battle in the greater war, but I really wish some professors would stop class for 15 seconds and say something. Maybe I have unreasonably high hopes for myself, but I plan on being the avenging hammer of justice for all the years I had to suffer through some jackass playing a really annoying quiz/game on his laptop in the seat in front of me.

Re: The Lost sub-thread. Something I *am* worried about in grad school is recommitting myself to veritable bungloads of reading and writing after taking a year off from school. Not because I feel like I'm less of a scholar; more because I filled that year with countless seasons of countless TV shows on Netflix and Hulu, plus hundreds of hours of video games. At least Lost will not be returning this fall (one less show for me to follow) but I *am* worried that Fallout: New Vegas is scheduled to drop sometime "Fall 2010." If my will holds strong, I won't watch much TV or play any games during the term. Winter Break will be another story.

@ peajay: I admire your willingness to adopt new technology. I'm only 23, and I'm a borderline technophobe in spite of my gadget-happy boyfriend and father. I still haven't ever owned an mp3 player or a phone that does more than call/text. The idea of writing notes on an iPad is just boggles my faculties all to hell. @mudlark: Writing down terms/ideas to follow-up is probably the best note-taking advice I've received in years. It might be just the change in mindset I need!

For papers, I've been using a modified version of Squawker's Method (has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?). When it comes time to write the paper, the text is searchable, I have citations right there, and I can cut and paste the beastly bits. Drawbacks: It's time-consuming, and I find that my research can get a little sloppy and over-generalized when I find a passage in a book and just retype it without really digesting the context of that particular snippet of information. I perfected this vaguely outlined system of notes for lectures during my undergrad, and I could fit an insane amount of information on 5-10 pages of handwritten notes in 50 minutes. Always black pen on loose-leaf college-ruled notebook paper, organized by subject in a 3-ring binder. Important terminology, names, dates, diagrams always left-aligned, with quick explanations following. Some odd shorthand developed, as well. I think it tended towards the first syllable followed directly by the last letter(s). Ab't, imp't, nat'l, cap'st, soc'st. Too bad I'm going for my English PhD and the classes will be mostly discussion-based seminars. I find that format of class does not lend itself to my note-taking sensibilities in the slightest. I'll go two hours in a discussion-based class and have less than half a page of notes. That's gonna have to change. That mind-mapping thing sounds primo, btw.

I'm not making a big move to go to graduate school: same region, same lifestyles, slightly bigger city, more shopping, still within an hour of my friends and most of my family. The biggest difference will be NOT working at this pizza place to make ends meet. I will NOT miss standing on my feet, washing my hands 100+ times a night, dealing with hungry customers, always keeping my hair tied back in the same damn bun, never letting my nails grow out, never getting to wear rings or nail polish, wearing those stupid t-shirts, running up and down two flights of stairs just because someone wants an extra 2 ounce cup of ranch dressing, screaming children, drunk a-holes, skeezy bartenders, and coming home every night smelling like pizza pizza pizza. I know that grad school will come with its own set of drawbacks, including drama and long hours, but after five years of pizza I'm ready for five years of something else.

I've already developed some boundaries on Facebook that I think will apply to graduate school as well. FB is my primary means of communicating with a lot of my friends, and it will become even more important to maintaining contact when I move away to attend graduate school. My updates are rarely PG or worse, but they DO reveal a lot of my personal views, some inflammatory social and political statements, my somewhat less presentable quirks, some off-color remarks/links etc. I haven't added my parents or any of my older relatives, because of the potential for mutual embarassment, and as an undergraduate I only friended one professor with whom I had grown pretty familiar-- he had already seen the more uncensored side of my personality outside of school, so it wasn't going to be a shock when he read my updates. My plan is to add grad school colleagues, but I think the grading/graded boundary previously mentioned in this thread sounds like a good guideline for other friend requests. I WOULD be interested in developing a more professional page on another site, especially as I start teaching and attending conferences, but my Facebook won't be changing anytime soon.

I'm always hunting for messenger bags made of leather and canvas with good metal hardware. I bought a Fossil bag two years ago that has held up admirably, and it looks very well-loved. I actually use it as my daily knockaround bag as well, so it sees a lot of use. I've been using messenger bags for years, so I don't have any neck or shoulder pain to speak of, although my bone structure is probably altered from the years of one-shouldering it. I *have* trained myself to not overload it with books, however. If I know that I'm bringing extra books onto campus, I'll carry a cute reinforced canvas tote to spare the seams on my nicer bag.

At the campus visit I attended in March, four or five of the current graduate students made presentations of their dissertations, how they got the idea, the process they were following, the resources they were utilizing etc. The common thread among all of them was the fact that they had a vague idea going into the program, but the project often ended up being something fairly unexpected-- they took a class (sometimes unrelated to their field) that planted the seed for a paper that became a chapter in their dissertation. It all seemed very low-pressure, and in some cases there was a heavy dose of serendipity involved in finding the "big idea." While some universities encourage you to flesh out your SOP with a research idea and its possibilities, I've never heard it stated as a requirement. Most programs allow for the fact that a student coming into graduate school is in a state of academic flux, and the program will help you FIND that singular driving passion for a genre, a period, a theory etc. A lot of the other incoming students I spoke with at the visit only had the foggiest ideas of what they were interested in studying. Don't feel that a lack of interest or passion in a distinct field makes you unqualified for even applying to graduate school. My advice is this: Keep working on your SOP, do some reading of current scholarship on your areas of interest, continue your research into programs and professors that intrigue you. Avoid spending those big application dollars for as long as you can (But remember to keep your options open for test dates on the GRE. Don't wait too long!) If you play it right, you might be able to build some idea of your career goals and research interests before you become too financially wrapped up in the application process. If you find that it's not for you, you can back out without too much loss of time and money.

I know of two anecdotes that support this. First of all, I had a professor at my undergrad (a state school focused on agriculture, not literature) who had previously worked at a very highly ranked English program on the East coast. When I asked him how the two compared, he preferred the smaller and less prestigious department for a few reasons: the relationships between students and professors were more personal, and the environment in general was more collegial and relaxed because the pressure on both students and professors was less intense. I know the teaching/learning environment differs at every school, but it has already formed my professional opinion somewhat. I would be perfectly happy to come back and teach at a smaller department, to not make the most money in my field, and to not be some sort of America's Next Top Scholar. I'm okay with that. The other heartening anecdoate is this: I've spoken to several professors at a local community college who ultimately preferred to teach at these schools than larger state and private schools. I'll admit none of them were English professors, but their observations seemed to go beyond something specific to a discipline. At this community college, the majority of the students were non-traditional and returning to work towards their associates or a transfer to a bachelor's program elsewhere. They WANTED to be there-- they weren't some aimless, hungover kid straight out of high school who got in because of money and connections. A community college seems like a less than ideal environment for good scholarship, but I guess the students completed their work and had lively discussions with heartfelt input-- far moreso than the professors' students at the actual universities they had taught at before the CC. I imagine the pay was lower, but a job is a job. A job where you can be happy to show up? Even better. I'll be happy to have a stable, family-supportable, position at an institution where attending work doesn't make me want to run my car off the highway every morning during the commute.

I'm waiting for a shift like that in my own thinking-- I can get over my hesitation when I have a deadline coming up, but I struggle with the "inertia" when I'm researching on my own time. Even though I have so much extra time while out of school to catch up on my reading and theory, I feel like I absorb a lot less without the structure and community of classrooms or at least reading groups. Plus, my undergrad wasn't very strong on theory, and I've got an inferiority complex that I'm trying to remedy by playing catch up during my year off. Too bad I just keep reading the introduction chapter of Orientalism over and over again without really getting into the meat.