stillconfused

Thanks, I appreciate the perspective @TakeruK. So....how'd you get into your field?

Thanks for the reply. Obviously you wouldn't ask all these questions at once. Just one would start a cool conversation. Personally, as a stay at home mom I would be honored if my PhD friend asked me about my parenting philosophy or what I've learned from the experience. The type of question implies that the questioner assigns great worth to the role of being a stay at home mom (or teacher etc.), whereas someone who doesn't have a deep question like this is going to reveal that they think you are "just a stay at home mom". What else are you going to ask -- what's your favorite way of making mac and cheese? How many diapers have you changed? What's your laundry routine? These are the mundane realities that many moms do every day, but they are so incredibly important and necessary. There's something deeper behind all that stuff. The worst thing is when someone in higher ed becomes elitist, knowingly or unknowingly. I think that's what the original poster was trying to avoid, so I totally respect the intent. All I'm saying is, a human being has depth to them whether they're a trash collector or president of a think tank, whatever. They have consciousness during their waking hours in which they ponder their existence just like you do yours! Their challenges may not be tricky math problems, but their tremendous experiences have left them with wisdom in a different way. To think based on someone's role that there's "not much there" to talk about totally misses the insights that every person has to offer in a conversation regardless of their profession. You could always ask her, "What was it like to spend 28 hours in labor trying to push another human being out of your body?" or "How did you manage to breastfeed every 2-3 hours for almost 2 years straight?" Of course, no one would ask this question. But remember it inside yourself and approach her with some great reverence and respect, for heavens sake. This is the real stuff of life. In my opinion it makes a PhD in any field look like a piece of cake.

If you think that "there isn't much to talk about" to teachers and stay at home moms, chances are that you in fact are really full of yourself. What do you think teachers and stay at home moms do all day, rot their brains??? They're working their butts off and chances are that you got to be the bio-expert or whatever that you are because of some teacher or stay at home mom. Maybe you should focus on asking other people questions and assuming that you have something interesting to learn from everyone, even a lowly teacher or stay at home mom can teach you something. To each of those people you could ask the following questions: 1. What's your educational pedagogy or parenting philosophy? Why? What did it used to be? Did it change? 2. What's the biggest challenge about being a ______? 3. How did you get into being a ________? Is that always what you wanted to be? 4. It's amazing that you take care of others all the time. How do you cope? What have you learned about yourself from that? 5. Tell me about a moment when you really connected with your child/student that left a lasting effect on you. 6. How has being a ______ shaped your values? etc. etc. Sincerely, A stay at home mom

Hi Ladies, new to gradcafe. I am a super A+ type of person who was always talented and gifted, overachieving, winning things etc. then WAM! Fell in love in college, got married Junoir year, and yes had a baby in the middle of my senior year while finishing up my honors thesis --- still managed to graduate summa. 7-8 years later I've got an almost 7 year old and 3 year old. I have been pretty broke all these years, stayed home while my husband got a masters and tries to move up the pay scale. Never studied abroad or went to grad school, never really worked a career job, just little things here and there part-time. Just took care of my kids for most of my twenties. And voraciously read, studied, practiced, learned about my area (Religious Studies) I just applied to a PhD program in my area. I only applied to one program. I can't move anywhere else - kids school, husband's job. I've been dying to do this program and get "back on track" for 7 years. To develop myself. To achieve something worthy of my talents, gifts, and intellect. To capitalize on all those award and scholarships and straight As I got. And to show everyone I didn't "just become a mom." Now I applied....I feel really confused. I feel sad or tired or something. Am I CRAZY to have applied with kids this young? And I cruel? Why do I feel so tired? I just feel tired. I have always wanted a PhD but now I'm almost secretly hoping I don't get in. What's wrong with me?? If I get in, it's a sweet deal. Funding and everything. Great school. Such an interesting subject. It's my dream -- not to 'become a professor' but to learn and become an expert in my field! It seems like I'm never satisfied. If I just keep cooking casseroles and arranging things in the house I'll kick myself for never applying and going for it. Do I really want to wait until I'm 40 and the kids are in college to go for a PhD? But if I go, I am going to be so. exhausted. all. the. time. And confused. How can I keep up with the practical motherhood stuff, the insane grad school stuff, and try to have all of that feed into my main value of actually PRACTICING SPIRITUALITY? I am so sorry to dump these feelings on this thread but I am just so confused. I thought this is what I wanted?