carry97979

Will the grad school to which I'm reapplying (applied end of 2015) still have my score report?

First vent: I've lurked this thread occasionally and am finally jumping in. I am so fed up with this assignment I have for work. Since July or June--I don't know, in my memory all the months have melted together--I have been writing this literature review with very little to no help from my supervisor who indicated from the get-go that he would play a strong, collaborative role. But the lack of help is really not even the problem. It's the pressure, the constant unending pressure, to wrap up over 50 pages (single spaced) of writing so he can send it around to people. So they can help or criticize it? As Toby from the West Wing said, "You can't rush these things. It's not like putting a hammer to a nail." This review is driving me absolutely crazy and there's really nothing I can do about it. I'd quit, but I need the money and I've already invested so much time in and out of work doing this that I'm sure at some later point in my life I'd reflect and regret throwing away something that, despite sucking so much time and energy out of me, could have proved useful to someone, anyone on the verge of a critical development in the field. Or not even to this arbitrary someone, but to me whose career is still at its inception. What's even more soul-crushing, besides waking up every day with this burden still in my life, is that I'm not even doing what I want to do in science; I have a whole body of potentially fruitful ideas that I've been cultivating for so long and that I care about so much that may never come to fruition. Again, after six or seven months of staring at this screen crafting page after page after page I'm still not finished. I don't think I have writer's block; I think I have writer's fatigue--the words are just words now; it's like they're completely devoid of meaning or feeling or whatever it is that makes words worth reading. Sometimes they're not even words; they're shapes holding my sanity hostage. I just really don't see any way out of this that isn't going to involve at least a month, maybe two, more of work. I think I should assert myself and ask for help, but I don't want the perception to be that I am incapable of finishing what I start or that I'm in some other way unsuited for a long-term career in this field. Maybe I am unsuited for a long-term career in this field. So this is a vent/thinly veiled cry for help/trigger for the re-evaluation of my imagined professional trajectory.