Lillian

Hi All- I've been reading through the first generation posts and noticed several other McNair Alums like myself posting. I'm wondering what everyone's experiences have been as grad students from these programs? How has your preparation from these programs helped you? What have you adapted/changed in your years as a graduate student? Any negatives? What do you miss? One of the difficulties I've had is establishing connections with grad students of similar backgrounds on my campus. I guess I miss the shared experiences and "must do this" attitude!!

I'm also a McNair Alum- and older first generation student-- just finished my first year. I do see a difference in how I percieve the work of grad school from others in my program who are not McNair or first gen grad students. At times when the work was overwhelming the experience of McNair particularly the 2009 Buffalo conference McNair speaker has been one of the view things to pull me through. My grad university does have a McNair program and I was told to drop in by my own McNair director- as this would offer a place of support/enthusiasm. Has anyone done this? Also, my outlook as a first generation grad has allowed me to help several undergraduate students also first gen during this past year who mentioned this in their reviews of my sections. So- while family can be a bit of a drag- which I think comes from fear of the unknown, change, and insecurity that is brought about by your learning and expansion of understanding- it's sooo worth it! I know of four (including myself) first generation students who were accepted into PhD programs at top ranking universities including George Washington, Columbia, NYU and Yale whose families and friends were less than supportive! You just have to construct network of positive people and "mind tapes" to push through these folks misunderstandings which may as I mentioned stem from fear of the unknown and the assumption of being outgrown (particularly an issue for close family members- friends naturally are outgrown after all you can't go to grad school become something better ect and still hang out at the 7-11 or the local tap anymore!)

Hi Phyllis- I was just reviewing some of the reply to my 'older student' post. Did you establish this group? How did you go about it? My university doesn't even have a regular informal graduate group!

OMG- Prada and Armani!! that has to be a joke!! Who has time to maintain such items with grad school!! I have a hard enough time keeping my car clean from my 2 hour daily commuting!!! But I must tell you Poco that as a mom of 3 I've always had an affection for a good thrift or consignment store. However, since grad school start I've REALLY developed a stronger appreciation! Last fall I found a new with tags (@ $90) Cold Water Creek navy wool blazer for only $15 bucks- love it and wear it about once a week through 2 cold seasons!! I highly recommend these instead of target ect- just think recycle!!

My program is semi-business casual because of TA responsibilities ect. I have noticed several interesting phenomenon’s during my earlier grad visits, conferences, and in the grad program/university I selected. 1- Just because the profs dress casual doesn’t mean this is necessarily accepted for grad students. A few friends who have attained positions/tenure/ or retired have mentioned this- in some programs a faculty dress changes once tenure is achieved! Also, that while first impressions count the ones after count even more! Ex- are you consistently dressed appropriately professional? This reflects your ability to organize and maintain momentum- especially when your research and course work are making you crazy and you’ve had way too much coffee !! These same individuals strongly suggest that grad students (especially those with funding) in less formal attired programs dress one step up- because you never know who is watching or visiting campus that might be a key person to connect with- if you are wearing jeans, a Hawaiian tourist shirt and sandals will this same person take you and your research seriously??? Also- there is a HUGE gender discrepancy folks- especially for TAs! In my experience and from talking with other TAs and professors students (and some faculty for that matter) treat women instructors differently than men- I have noticed that male grad students can come to the office/courses/TA sections dressed in jeans and a polo- and are treated no differently by their students. However, women who wear similar casual attire or even dress it up a bit with khakis and jewelry are in fact ‘demoted’. In other words women still have to work harder to gain respect, even and in some instances more so from their female colleagues. I wore my new blue jeans and a nice dress top into work on a Thursday of TA classes and my own seminar only to be given a look of mild distain while the two male TAs (also in jeans but with frayed bottoms and certainly not new, and t-shirts) didn’t even get a glance by any of the department professors in the room and later the elevator!! So- what am I venting on about here? 1- Attire and presentation matters!! And regardless of equality in the workplace- gender does play a role! So before we wear jeans ect into the office consider how we are representing ourselves, and our work. 2. I think grad school is a professional job with certain dress requirements- it is sad to say this but change comes slowly and let’s face the facts…regardless of our work….we are the underlings and laborers of our departments! Our attire is but one more tool to ensure we are taken seriously and also shows that we take our work seriously, and are committed to our research and academic careers. If we don’t do this on a daily basis- who then is really to blame if we don’t get the Fulbright, or asked to be a research assistant on that notable professor’s incredibly funded and exciting research project, or asked to join a mixed panel at a conference with travel funding included? Or why the application for research funding is rejected? (Who would you want to physically represent your department at research institutions and conferences?; someone looking like their on vacation or about to pull off some serious research?) After all this I should admit to being seen on campus in my fishing gear on the way to the river that runs next to my campus… off course this was the last day of classes!!! Hopefully no one can prove it!!

Hi - Just wondering if I was the only 'older' grad student out here. I am in my department plus the only one with children. My university seems to have very little networking opportunities for this (my/our) demographic and it's getting a little lonely out here. So... here's an attempt at starting a conversation. Are you an 'older' or 'nontrad' grad student? How's the experience for you been so far? - Lillian

Hi Everyone – This is a topic I desperately needed to see on the boards! Parenting in Grad school! As a mom of two children and a non-trad student (I finished my undergrad in my late 30s and now am in my first year of the doctoral program) My opinion is that any work conflicts with family responsibilities and joys. Time management and balance are crucial- our relationships with our children (and their own development as persons) and with our partners (if that be the case) should NOT suffer neglect from this process. I’ve gotten to the point that if I hear one more person and especially other women without children tell me one more time my family/personal life is interferes with academics I will scream!!! I work hard live apart from my family 4 days a week- and am committed to my studies. However, 50 years from now my academic contributions (if there are any) will only matter to academics. My family will be there to wipe the pureed soup off my chin!! The real crazy thing is that everyone sees this ie childcare post- birth family life as a woman’s issue. What about the fathers? Dual incomes ect. I know grad men who often leave work to care for their children, are heartbroken at the loss of time with their children, and are receiving the same comments- “you don’t appear to want this bad enough or not ambitious” or “your studies should come first” or so help… the worst “can’t your spouse take care of that?” Parenting and work do go together- the key I think (contrary to the popular/dominate opinion) is that life does not interfere with academics- academics interferes with our lives…… Lillian