CuppaTea15

Hi, So I'm in my 2nd/3rd year as a PhD student. I've successfully completed my qualifying exams. I have presented to posters at conferences, I have 1 coauthorship and another on the way (Manuscript written, making edits and some additional control experiments), and a 3rd which I've completed my work for the project for, but could be a while before everything is written up and finished, there is still a lot of work to do there. I'm working on a project that will be part of one of my aims in my dissertation. I'm writing up my proposal now, and have to defend it soon. I feel like I'm going nowhere, and that I haven't actually contributed much to the lab. I know, I have these coauthorships - but I feel like my part was minimal at best on them. My new project is slowly making progress, I think, but I'm struggling to get the protocol to work. I know, troubleshooting takes time, and once I get it working it should be smoother sailing. I'm having panic attacks on a daily basis worrying about my work. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about analyses that are not done, or that maybe I did wrong. I see a psychiatrist and I'm on benzos and betablockers for panic attacks. I see a therapist and we work on challenging these feelings with evidence. But even with this, I feel so overwhelmed that I don't know if I could make it. I feel like I would be better off quitting with a terminal master's. But, I don't want to. I just don't know if I can stand this anxiety anymore. But, another job wouldn't make it any better. I'd still be having panic attacks, so why not carry on now and do what I want? But then I question that, do I want this? How do I know? I'm having panic attacks, crying, getting upset stomachs and vomitting thinking about lab work or meetings with my advisor. I know I'm not alone in these feelings, but I feel so isolated. Everyone around me doens't seem to have these problems. They just keep on keeping on while I'm hiding in my office crying mid-day because of an attack.