ThrowAwayAcct18

Yes- I'm planning on doing some solo travel during the summer. I think it just comes down to doing the social things I want and hoping to meet people along the way I have a few people in mind that I'll reach out to. I'm feeling better about this. thanks.

I met with some friends recently and was able to talk normally with them...so at least now I know that I haven't forgotten how to laugh and socialize haha.

I am in a rural area with about 5 universities within close proximity to one-another. Everything here is campus based/student based (which you would think would make things easier haha). My comment actually wasn't in reference to my cohort (who are nice people), but to the vast majority of my interactions in the clubs/orgz I've tried to be a part of ( a total of 2, if I'm being honest). Would you advise that I just go to places and sit there? I've done that at places where I can do work (public libraries, local cafes). I do have people come up to me to talk (honestly, mostly men), but my *normal* interactions with the townsfolk (not including the men who are just hitting on folks) have been good but haven't lead to anything... Rural. Flat. Farmland. haha. That's basically it. Also, I am contemplating moving out of my current no-pets allowed apartment so that I can get a cat. I think this would really help me. Thanks for helping Drinking doesn't go well for me haha, so I avoid it, which causes me to miss many awesome get-togethers with some great people. I feel very odd about just showing up to an event without other people. I'll try to push myself out of my comfort zone and just do it. Thanks for the advice. I think it just comes down to me doing what I would normally do with friends, but with myself in the hopes that I'll make some friends along the way.

Hi all, TLDR; Lonely as heck in grad school and it's driving me up the wall. --- This is a throw away acct that I formed, because quite a few of my classmates use this website and we know one -another's handles. Anyways, I'm in the 2nd semester of my PhD program. I moved almost across the country to come here. The only time I am happy here is when I am doing coursework, studying, or am in class. The rest of the time, I am holed up in a library, cafe, or other high traffic social areas (but not socializing) doing homework. I am finding it really hard to acclimate to the school. Most of my attempts to make friends have been futile (which is really unusual for me. During undergrad and my MA program, I had a wonderful social network...always had something to do during the weekends or evenings...and now I don't). I'm very rarely invited to things. At first i thought everybody was busy with their heads in their books, but then I hear stories of weekend parties, get togethers, etc etc. I do hang out with some folks, but it's usually to do work/write etc. I have tried starting conversations with people and asking them out for drinks or coffee, but they rarely follow up, or I can sense their disinterest. Some of the people I was hanging out with can only talk about their coursework...they have no other way to converse. IDK. Do you guys have any advice on socializing and acclimating to a new place? I'm starting to feel as if the constant component of each failed social equation is me...which makes me feel like i am doing something wrong...and that feeling is making small talk and conversations harder and harder (which was never a problem before). I am not able to connect with people here, so I haven't formed any real friendships, the types where you can call someone to go on a trip, or say "hey let's grab a cup of coffee." I was sick this past week and was scared, horrified, and then deeply saddened to realize that if i got really, really sick, nobody would come looking for me because no one really knows me here. Don't get me wrong, people are really nice. I'm just not able to from friendships, and I don't know why. I am one of five or so racial/ethnic minority women in my entire program at a top 20 program in my field...the environment, lack of diversity, lack of support is starting to eat away at me. I have signed up for counseling because I want an expert to help me figure out if the issue is *me* rather than this place. I would love some advice from people who get it. How can I create a social support network for myself on campus? I have tried joining clubs, orgz..., going to meeting, attending lectures, but nothing is forming from that. my program is not a STEM field w/ labs or a field with field work, so I don't have access to any social network that may form from that. My family is wonderful, but they don't really understand what grad life is like, and I am the first in my family to reach this point, so I can't really turn to those closest to me for advice.