WhoEvenCares

I would rather die than go to some safety school again like my freshman year. That was the worst year of my life. I was angry and mean to everybody around me, it was hardly even worth going to college that year. I'm never doing that again.

I just don't understand life anymore. I did everything they asked for. I had the GPA, the GRE, the publications, the Ivy League school, 3 fantastic recommendation letters, one from a big name in the field. It isn't like I'm some hopeful with crap scores and no publications hoping to get in. I can't believe I'm in the pool of people who don't get into grad school with everything that I did. I sacrificed every day of my undergrad to get this. I ended friendships because they were sapping the time I needed to put in to make sure I got into grad school. I have cried at least once a week for the past four years slaving over this. I didn't even get into this Ivy League school like all the legitimate people who actually deserved to...I transferred here. I just don't know why the world keeps punishing me. I read the acceptances and rejections list that people post on this forum for grad programs and all I see are "I can't believe it, I finally accomplished my childhood dream of getting into school/program X" and I've never felt that way in my entire life. Why can't things go my way for once? Why can't I be a legitimate success like all those people? What more do you want from me, universe, I've done everything already!!!!! The person I was dating got into every single school I've ever wanted to go to, so I dumped them. Now I'm left without a grad school, a partner, or a future. You win life. I give up. I've started applying to dead end jobs making minimum wage because I can't keep convincing myself I might actually be somebody some day when the world keeps laughing at all my efforts. Four years wasted. I just can't do it anymore.

Haha I didn't even get into grad school, I've stopped really caring about the NSF GRFP. My favorite Ivy is so rich and pretentious that they don't care if you get the GRFP or not, and won't rescind your rejection if you get the award. If I get the GRFP I'll probably be the only person who will have to decline it. Just thought I'd post about my apathy and to remind everybody who is anxious about the GRFP and has gotten into grad school that at least you're not as much of a wretch as I am right now. I'm graduating near the top of my class at another ivy league school, with publications, and I still couldn't get into grad school. I don't know why I watch this thread. Execution day already came and went for me.