ZeeMore21

My fault pinot, didn't know you were going for the MFA! Congrats on that! I am sure it will be one of the best experiences ever and you will grow a lot. And I still see why you would have cold feet. I think being nervous means you care a lot about doing the best you can as an M.F.A. Totally natural : )

I really do respect what everyone is saying, it really doesn't matter when you start....regardless of whether you are 22 or 30, if you are confident that you are prepared enough to start a PhD program, you should do so. I will be starting my PhD at 23, and although I do understand what others have said about the advantages of starting the PhD in your 30s, I feel more prepared than ever to start a program. It is never too early or too late to achieve your dreams! When you're ready, you're ready.

Hey pinoit noir, I definitely understand what you are going through! I did get accepted to schools for the PhD and did find myself very excited but also very nervous. I think it is understandable though...choosing to take on the PhD is a HUGE decision and a very big investment of time and effort. I don't think you having cold feet means that doing the PhD is not for you. I really do think that once you start you will realize why you decided to do one in the first place.Congrats!

Does anyone know how many people Rutgers usually admits into their PhD program?

Yes they do...one of the PhD programs I got into earlier this month sent me an email 8:30 in the morning on a Saturday. But maybe checking a 1000 times a day would be a bit much! Haha.

Did anyone apply to Tufts English program? Any clue as to when we should hear back from them?

Was waitlisted...but I doubt anyone who got accepted would turn down Princeton so I am not hopeful!

Hey RockDenali, Yes, I should be reviewing my sentences before I post, I was just a bit upset after being called a prick. Won't happen again!

Hey fall-11, I did message the forum moderator to see if he could remove the post or lock it. Thanks for the suggestion.

Also, like I have said multiple times in this thread...they way I phrased my initial post was terrible, and I do take full responsibility for it. Instead of focusing on how to prepare for balancing being an incoming PhD and teaching my first year, I shifted the focus to basing my self-worth as a doctoral student on not being rewarded a fellowship. So for future posters, please recognize that I do realize that it was immature, silly, and unproductive for me to be thinking this way. But again, I will not take being called a "prick"....I seriously needed advice so I thank everyone who was willing to give me helpful insight. I'm sure it wasn't easy. I have went through a drastic readjustment when it comes to perspective between yesterday and today, especially considering how lucky I am to not only have an offer, but have multiple offers. This is something for me to celebrate, and I do intend to.

Wow, reputa...Im not quite sure I am being a prick...I have agreed with everyone so far but I will DEFINITELY not take ANYONE calling me a prick...especially someone who doesn't know me.Please watch what you call others online. Was I being petty? Yes, I will definitely take that one. But I have no distaste for teaching, and I have NEVER said that. I clearly wouldn't be pursuing a PhD if I didn't intend on using it to share my knowledge with others as a professor. I am more than happy to do so. But I did have a huge worry about teaching while a first year PhD, and many people saw that as understandable.

Totally understand where you are coming from osodulce. I do not see teaching as a chore, or I wouldn't have applied to PhD programs in the first place since I do plan on teaching for a living. However, I was worried about not being able to balance my coursework and teaching....if either one went downhill I would lose the teaching assistantship and probably would have to drop out. Because I have never taught before, I do assume that it will take a whole lot of work and energy...work and energy I had originally thought I could spend on exceeding academically in my courses. I really want to have an excellent first year academic wise. But like everyone has says, I will figure out how to balance and it will work out. And I am sure I will love teaching, that I am not worried about.

You are assuming correctly! I did overdo it this time around, but I wasn't sure I would be getting anywhere either : )

Diehtc0ke, The top school is giving me money, it is a teaching assistantship, meaning that I would start teaching right away as an incoming PhD. I was nervous about this because keeping the teaching assistantship depends on doing well as a phd AND teaching well. I am still rather nervous about trying to find a way to balance studying and teaching as a brand new PhD. The other school involved granted me a fellowship, meaning that I wouldn't have to teach my first year and concentrate on coursework. But like Tybalt is also saying, finding a balance at the top school is possible, and I am sure there are others in the same boat who could be there to support me and give me advice. I am also planning on talking to the chair of the top school about advice she has about doing well as an incoming PhD in balancing teaching and adjusting to the courseload.

Poppy, Thanks for the congrats! I just knew how hard people have worked this year in applying to schools, and for me to be complaining about fellowships seemed out of line and very ungrateful. Like all of you have said, I am very lucky right now, and it id not the time to be hard on myself.

Hey sausundbraus, thanks for your advice and understanding. Your reconstruction was on point. The school that did give me the fellowship is the school I am already attending right now. I did sit down with the chair last week and he had said that the committee really respected my work and believe in it. But I guess I am realizing that it would be better to go to a school that is top in my field.

Thanks alot Sarandipidy!

Thanks for the advice ssundva. I am very lucky and will start acting like it. To everyone still waiting for acceptances, please accept my apologies and know that I am rooting for you.

Cranberry, No need for an apology on your end, I should be the one apologizing. I really am being ungrateful. I agree, I do have to get over this feeling of self-doubt, especially if I want to do well in academia. Thanks for your honesty. I needed the tough love.

Safferz, Yes, my initial post was insensitive and ridiculous, hence I took it down. I do agree that I shouldn't have posted it in the first place. My main question should have been how to balance being an incoming PhD and teaching the first year--I should not have been comparing myself to other incoming students who will not have to teach because of a fellowship. Again, I apologize and will definitely think before posting...and pick up some self-esteem while I'm at it.

Thanks again fall-11. To everyone, I know my post was f***** up and I am very sorry for posting such a silly sob story. I didn't ask the right questions. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I will try to focus on how to make this situation work out and count my blessings. Everyone who is still waiting for an acceptance, please forgive me, seriously.

Safferz, I do get what you are saying. But I think the first year teaching issue is important...mainly because if I am not unable to balance teaching and my coursework the first year, I could potentially lose the teaching assistantship and have no funding.

Geekoric, I seriously do not mind teaching...and I can see how my original post may have given people that impression. I have never taught a course before, which is largely where the fear comes from. I think it should be understandable how that could be scary to teach in addition to trying to get used to being a PhD. If I did end up messing up during my first year as a Phd, I would lose my funding.

Thanks very much for the advice fall-11, and you didn't sound insensitive at all...I do actually think I didn't deserve any nice responses at all when I really do think about it. It was a stupid post, and I recognize that many people are still waiting for acceptances...so this post did seem very unpleasant. I guess I am really trying to be more confident in my ability to do PhD work, and I figured I try would settle this issue before I blew it way out of proportion. I will count my blessings.

inafuturelife, the T.A I did while a M.A didn't involve teaching an entire class by myself...I only had to grade papers and exams.