[Motivation when writing applications]

One thing that might help with the motivation problem is holding yourself accountable to someone else, which may mean informing professors, advisers, and mentors that you plan on applying to graduate programs this year and need them to help you revise documents such as your personal statement and writing sample. In this case, you are kind of forced to abide by some type of timetable. This definitely worked for me as someone who needs a bit of pushing now and then...my advisor was always checking in to make sure I was working on my documents so that he could revise them.

[When during Graduate Career to Start Presenting at Conferences]

I agree with Two Espressos here...I haven't given a conference paper before, but I do assume you would want to get your paper done at least a couple days prior to the conference...especially if you are new to conference presentations. In this way, you can be confident that you are presenting a strong conference paper since you did have enough time to have it looked over by others and make your own revisions. Perhaps more experienced academics do have the ability to write conference papers the night before they have to present it.

[Can I get into a top History PhD program?]

ok, gotcha. I didn't say the OP's argument was misplaced, but the heated discussion born out of the mere assumption over Sigiba's post. Sigiba was told he/she should remove the post, and that request was as provocative and controversial, I think, as Sigiba's original statement.

I actually applaud the OP's goals and posts and don't disagree with his original post. I'm actually responding to the arguments that, again, are based on assumptions and misunderstandings.

Understood, definitely. I was one of the posters who did have a problem with Sigaba's post, given that it did nothing to help the OP in my opinion. I did see his/her post as going on an assumption that the OP was somehow trying to use his race/gender as an additional qualification rather than just assuming that the OP was just trying to give basic information.

While I did initially come off strong, and perhaps did get a bit too passionate, I did ask in another post if Sigaba could clarify his/her initial statement and apologized if I did misinterpret it. However, instead of clarifying, he/she sought to argue that I didn't belong on this thread since I am not in a History program, as if none of my advice or expertise was valuable. That Sigaba couldn't simply just clarify and continued to have an accusatory tone ( and also even proceeded to argue that anyone who does have a problem with the tone of his/her posts wasn't cut out for academia) just confirmed for me that he/she intended to be inflammatory with the initial post. I do agree with you that one shouldn't assume things about a poster from his/her comments, but Sigaba's comment was way too brief and blunt...and it left people wondering what the poster was trying to get at with that kind of statement and tone...especially when someone seems to be asking for genuine advice.

I am the last person who has a problem talking about issues of race/gender/identity...I go into these issues on a regular basis as a minority and one who does research in African American studies. However, I just don't think that the OP intended to have this discussion focused on him being a black male. He was asking about his qualifications and went on to talk about possible professors he could work with. I came upon this post because of the OP's research topic, and I was actually looking forward to reading the discussions about the field of African American history in this thread.

But to end my rambling, talking about race and gender can be a touchy subject, and again, while we shouldn't quickly make assumptions based on someone's post, I do think posters do have the responsibility to be as clear as possible when commenting on such touchy subjects so such misinterpretations can be avoided. And I do apologize for initially getting on the defense with Sigaba's post. As other posters mentioned, there is a reason why minorities do have their identities at the forefront, I did understand what the poster was doing on a personal level. I do hope that there does come a time that mentioning one's race/gender/sexuality doesn't always have to be seen as controversial, provocative, or politically motivated. The OP simply was proud of his background and wasn't afraid to let that be known.

[Can I get into a top History PhD program?]

I mentioned my race because that was what attracted me to my research. I am a product of a strong Black woman who is a descendent of of a lineage of other strong Black woman that have had their voices muted in history. That is my connection to my research. To simply wish this connection away is doing an injustice to the work I want to study. If a program rejects me for it, then I know that program wasn't the best for me. The reason why I want to study this work in a History department instead of an African American studies dept. is because I want to interact with members of the academic community that haven't been exposed to this type of work. I will get into a great History PhD program and this research will impact the world. I was really hesitant to be this forthright, but the forum was taking a turn n a direction that was unhealthy. The reactions from some of you has reassured me that this research is needed. It has also proven to me that the personal connection researchers have with their work shouldn't be shunned, but applauded. It is this connection that keeps us motivated to do more in the face of resistance. Thank you everyone for your support.

Forgot to say something about your post, secondblackprez, but I really liked it. I wish you all the best in the future application season, and let me know if I can help in any way. I am not in a History program, but I do deal heavily with African American history in my research.

[Can I get into a top History PhD program?]

I don't know how telling this forum really is in the need for more research... conversations not face-to-face can (obviously) lead to false assumptions and misunderstandings. For example, Sigiba simply asking about the OP's mentioning of race/sex in the very first line (one can argue, a prominent position in a post) can be interpreted differently. It may have been meant to offend, or it may have just been a curious observation; only Sigiba truly knows. And Sigiba never said OP shouldn't mention his race and sex in his SoP, so that argument was misplaced.

I have a feeling that if I started a post with "I'm a white female" that some people might wonder about it. It's totally my prerogative and there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, but I know that it might strike some people as an unusual opening sentence (unusual, however, doesn't mean "bad"!) My left-handedness is a defining characteristic I think is pretty cool, and I know if I mention it as an opening on here that people will ask... fine with me : ) I'll reply. Like ZeeMore said, I, like everyone else, have the right to identify myself any way I'd like.

Just as Zeemore has the right to post on this history forum, though not a history grad student, Sigiba can ask a question and shouldn't be pressured to remove it simply because others may have misunderstood it.

And any passionate scholar, including white males, can contribute important work in the study of African American women (though personal connections ARE awesome, I agree).

Good luck on applications : )

Sigaba may not have said directly that race/gender should not be mentioned in the personal statement, but I think the OP is responding to other posters on the thread that actually have made this argument...there has been some suggestion that the inclusion of one's background doesn't belong in something so formal as the personal statement or the academic talk. Some have even pointed to the inclusion of one's identity as controversial and over the top. So, I disagree that the OP's argument was misplaced.

I also don't think the OP was suggesting that someone like a white male couldn't study African American history....the OP was only stating that his research interest is strongly linked to his personal background, and that he has a personal stake in what he is studying. However, I do agree that anyone can study this field and anyone can have the passion for it.

[Library Book Woes]

Glad everything worked out regalrenade!!

[transferring after 1 year]

It's a PhD. Maybe one option is to try to get a Master's and then leave, if I find that I'm unhappy with it. Or withdraw now before the semester starts- but I don't know if I'll find any good research jobs that will help me get into another school.

Finishing up a MA and then leaving could be a possibility, though you would want to make sure that you would even be able to obtain an MA....there are some doctoral programs that don't grant one, and if that was the case, you would drop out with no degree.

[Library Book Woes]

Usually if you just keep on insisting that you did return the book, the library should just mark it as missing and you won't be charged. Good luck!

[transferring after 1 year]

I agree with the last post...you definitely should have read the financial package closely before committing to your current program, there shouldn't have been any surprises. I do agree with the other posters here that transferring would be possible, but members of your department might look at your transfer negatively and you may be in danger of damaging your reputation. However, if you really can't afford to stick with your current program then I do understand the need to transfer. Just remember to pay attention to your financial package if you get into another program next year...you really don't want to be in this situation again. It is a waste of your time and the department's.

[Can I get into a top History PhD program?]

you have misread my post, perhaps intentionally. you can fight a strawman if you want to, i won't stop you.

If I have misread your post, I do apologize. If you could clarify your statement, that would be helpful. I don't know how I am misreading your post intentionally, I genuinely was confused by it. Like I said it seemed as though you were trying to draw some connection between my rejections and the argument at hand and I was looking for some clarification. The reason why I brought up my admissions season in the first place was not to point out that my success proves that it is okay to include racial/gender identity in one's personal statement....I was only suggesting that I could be of help to the OP despite not being in a History doctoral program. With this in mind, I was really confused by what you were trying to suggest by bringing up my school rejections.

If you look back at my post, I said that if I misinterpreted your text, than I do apologize. But again, it looked like you were trying to make a connection between my school rejections to the fact that an incorporation of my heritage may have alienated someone on the admissions committee.

[Give me a reality check:]

Why the English hatred?

~

ZeeMore is right. The writing sample and the SOP serve two different purposes. No, the SOP is not supposed to be an indicator of whether you can do graduate level writing. It's where you make the argument that that specific program is the right place for you to do your graduate-level writing. It's much harder to judge 'objectively' whether an SOP is good than whether a writing sample is good, b/c "good" changes from year to year and based on department politics, current grad student population, etc. A writing sample shows that you are qualified for a program. The SOP is where you show you are right.

As for current grad students and professors making fun of SOPs: well, dude, duh. Have you gone back and read yours? Maybe you are a sparklingly genius writer and yours reads like velvet and dumplings, but mine is the most naively earnest, steaming piling of awkwardness I have ever produced. I will make fun of the thing from here to high heaven. But I guarantee that at the interview weekend, I had numerous faculty--including the art history prof on the adcom, BTW--tell me that my SOP really made my application stick out from many of the others.

For a master's program, it may well be that the writing sample is more important. For a PhD, especially at a competitive program, they're both absolutely necessary.

Thanks for the defense Sparky, and no, I don't understand the English hatred...don't even know how that came up. But I do stick to my opinion, and will continue to advise others to take the personal statement, along with other qualitative aspects of the application, seriously. The main point of my initial post here was to encourage the OP not to depend on a GPA and GRE to get into a graduate program. I will leave it at that.

[Grad school makes me want to kill myself]

That's what I've been trying to get across, but let me re-iterate: You can get married, have children and enjoy life while working on a PhD. You don't need to spend 70-80 hours in the lab each week, and if your advisor is too driven, perhaps you should consider finding someone a bit less so- finish your MS with her, look elsewhere for your PhD. Work hard when you're in lab, work reasonable hours (8-10 hours per day, 5 days per week, maybe a few hours on the weekend), and let it go when you "clock out". Sometimes projects will take you outside of your schedule, but it shouldn't be an all the time thing.

At some point, you have to make a conscious choice which is more important to you- your degree and career, or the rest of your life. You have obviously chosen the latter option- so don't feel bad about it. It's the choice I made when I started grad school, and it's worked well for me- my advisor is happy, I work hard the 50-60 hours per week I'm in lab, and I enjoy my hobbies and my family when I'm not. This course doesn't mean you can't be successful, either- I won both outstanding graduate student in my department and an NSF graduate fellowship, so the two aren't mutually exclusive at all.

I find separating your work and home life is very important- I almost never take work home with me. If I have a project that I need to work on in the evening, I go back to my office. This makes "home" a space for the rest of my life- I'm not carting around papers, trying to work from a desk in my bedroom, or anything else. When I walk out of my lab/office and close the door, I'm done for the time being. I know a few German grad students that work like this- they come in at 8 or 9, work a solid 8-9 hours and get a lot done, and then they're off. They enjoy their evenings and their weekends, while still getting their work done, it seems to be the norm for them.

Great post Eigen, I found it very helpful.

[Can I get into a top History PhD program?]

Now, if only Sigaba had said it like that from the start.

It is interesting to think about why one person can read the statement "I am [race][gender]" and think "This is supplementary information about someone" and another person can read the same thing and think "Why is this person so insistent on sharing this?" I had an "aha" moment in high school psychology when my teacher told us about the tendency of white people and men, when asked to describe themselves, to list personal traits first, while non-whites and women tend to mention their race and gender before all else. (Obviously that data comes from the US context.) It just really drove home to me how people in positions of privilege don't see it, don't even incorporate it into their sense of self. Actively being aware of one's own body is evidence of receiving negative reactions from others based on having that body.

I suspect that when people check back with themselves and ask "would I ever describe myself in this way?" their answer to that question feeds into the initial response to the "I am [race][gender]" statement.

Ran out of +1s today but great post!

[Can I get into a top History PhD program?]

re

the thing is, sigaba did not accuse the OP of filling up his entire post with his identity. he simply asked why he chose to include that information, and to make it first.

and while you definitely had a successful admissions year, you didn't get in everywhere, right? there are multiple reasons for that, but including a statement in your SOP that is controversial is bound to alienate someone on an adcom. they're best to avoid, unless you're intentionally being provocative or political reasons. i'm just saying that including this information IS controversial and that people should be aware of that before they do so in their SOP. i'm not saying they should or shouldn't do it, simply that they should be aware that they are making a particular philosophical and political statement (knowingly or otherwise) by thinking it's important to mention their identity. you also risk essentializing that identity, which is a no-no in cultural history.

Not trying to come off rude, but because you weren't on any of the admissions committee that rejected me, I don't think you can assume that it must have been my inclusion of my heritage that was the root cause....i am hinting that you are trying to imply that. If so, I kind of take offense to you using my rejections as a way to prove that identity must be hidden in a application. If I am misinterpreting what you are trying to say, then I do apologize.

This issue definitely makes me think of racial privilege in this country...anyone who doesn't fit the white/male mold always has to hide who they are just to make the privileged group feel "more comfortable." And again, I really don't understand why, because someone mentions their race/gender, they are trying to be controversial or trying to make a political statement. What about someone including their identity because they are proud of it? What about someone including their identity because they are trying to be truthful to themselves and those around them? I think it is those that automatically feel uncomfortable and accusatory when issues or gender or race arise that need to do some introspection.

Like I said in my post, my background was definitely a foundation for my intellectual and academic development....my background as a child of West African immigrants did spur my decision to study black migration studies. That is definitely not anything that has to be hidden to make someone else feel better about themselves.

[Advice for New Grad Students]

Like I'd pass up the chance to comment on this topic.

I agree - it's overall good for newbs, though I wouldn't say grad school is similar to a job. It's more like an ass-backwards unpaid internship. And not allowing grad school to consume your whole life is really funny - I'm sure if you give up meals and bathroom time and sleeping, then you can make time to do other things. But if you want to eat, pee, and sleep, then that'll be your only free time while in grad school, sadly. I love that they suggest forming a band as a hobby - really? Ph.D. and master's students have that much time? In what universe, I wonder? That's the part I have the biggest issue with. As long as you're a student, grad school IS your life. Period. Even at meal times at my school, all people talk about is their classes and homework. People don't even talk about their hobbies or lives or jobs - they are just consumed 24/7 with school, so I don't want to hear anyone telling me that I'm making this up. I've seen this with my own eyes and heard it with my own ears.

Other than that, I'd say it's decent advice, and written in an understandable and relaxed tone. As if to imply, "Relax, this isn't that bad." And that may hold true for many students, so if they can reach out and alleviate the fears of most of their target audience, then I'd say they've succeeded in their purpose. I would have liked to see them offer advice on how to keep your job once you begin grad school, or how to find jobs once you graduate since you probably won't find something in your field right away and need to sling nachos at 7-11 for a while. I'm not being negative when I say that (or anything else I've said) - I think it's a very realistic concern grad students should keep in mind. They got most of their points correct, so I give the article a B+. Fix the nonsense about free time and jobs and they can have their A.

I know that I shouldn't even try to argue with you Just Me, but I know of two doctoral students who are in a band as a hobby. Being able to do your graduate work and balance a hobby is due to good time management skills. If you don't have time do do basic things like eat, sleep, and use the bathroom, then your priorities are clearly out of order...perhaps its all the time you take to dwell on how miserable your life is. if you actually took the time to seek help and get your life straightened out, I am sure you would have an easier time with balance.

[When during Graduate Career to Start Presenting at Conferences]

IMO, the best time to start presenting is: Right. Now. It's a good experience that can give you valuable feedback on projects you're working on, give you a confidence boost, and looks good on the CV. It's also great to shake some hands and meet others in the field with similar research interests. (Network, network, network!)

If you're not feeling ready for a full-blown national conference, student conferences are still a great experience and a good way to get yourself initiated. Also, note that conference papers are much easier to prepare than publications, since (a) you're not preserving something for posterity, just reading it aloud to a room full of people who may or may not be daydreaming, and ( an ideal length is 8-10 pages.

Ideally, one should be proposing presentations on papers that are already written. But in practice, many (most?) people write an abstract, then write the paper. (One of my mentors has a list of people he refuses to room with at CCCC because they will pull an all-nighter the night before their presentation, finishing their paper.)

Now, writing after proposing can mean that your argument evolves in a different direction than your proposed abstract. While it's something that's best avoided—it's false advertising for conference goers choosing sessions when your abstract in the program that doesn't accurately represent the paper you read—it's also just sort of what happens.

Thanks a lot for the advice!! I definitely do think that now is the best time to take on conferences. Like you suggested, I think I will start small and see if I can handle a student conference....I'm actually looking on the Penn website right now to see if I can find any. Thanks again!

[Accepting applicants who don't want to teach?]

I think that knowing that you don't want to teach a good thing really. It means that you have thought about it and know what you do and do not know what to do with it. That and I think that at this point in time, it would be really hard to get a teaching job in English at the college level. Not that I don't think that it's important, more people need it really, but there are only so many positions available and with a bad economy and all.....

I am curious as to what you do want to do with it. Getting a Ph.D. in English can't be cheap to get. And as a note, being in an English doctorate program, you still might be asked to teach classes, to help you pay your way through (Although I might be wrong, English PhDs help me out here). So that might be something to look into, if you're really not that into teaching.

This is not to discourage you from doing it. But I don't think that they would necessarily keep you out because you don't want to teach once you get it.

Well, I am in an English doctoral program, and will not pay for absolutely anything...my tuition is paid for and I receive a generous stipend. I'm not really sure where you are getting your information from, but for the most part, English doctoral programs come with free tuition and a stipend for the entirety of the program. In my case, I don't have to teach my first year, but I do have to teach year 2, 3, and 4, and my stipend for these years are dependent on me teaching. However, I also don't teach my last year to work on the dissertation.

But anyway, to the OP, if you know you don't want to teach, then going into an English doctoral program may not be for you. People going into an English doctoral program usually do want to teach at the college level. You can't be a college professor only doing research...you most certainly will have to teach...and teach well if you want to have a tenure track position. Also to maintain your stipend as a doctoral student, you would have to receive good teaching reviews as an Instructor....you could potentially lose your funding with mediocre teaching ability.

[When during Graduate Career to Start Presenting at Conferences]

Hi all,

I will be starting a doctoral program this fall in English literature and was wondering if anyone could give me advice on when is the best point in the program to start presenting at conferences. I have never presented at a conference before, but have been to a couple. I read in one book on graduate study that you should start presenting at the end of your second year (or beginning of your 3rd year), as you will be more fluent in your field at this point in your graduate career. However, that sounds a bit late to me.

I am asking this question because I did come across a conference that will be held next year, and abstracts are due this November. Because I will be new to a doctoral program, I am wondering if it is too early for me to think about conferences, and perhaps I should spend my time working hard to develop great seminar papers this school year that could possibly turn into strong conference papers. Also, as someone who needs to build confidence in public speaking and presenting, I also think I might just want to use this coming school year to work on those areas....I'm not quite sure if I am ready to answer questions that may be asked after I presented a paper.

But to end my rambling, if anyone can give me advice/tips on how an incoming doctoral student could prepare for conferences, that would be very helpful. I also would like advice on how to go about writing a conference paper....do you come up with an idea, write an abstract, and if it gets accepted, you turn it into a paper? Or should you already have a paper that could be turned into a conference paper?

[Getting a job with degrees from Southern schools]

My undergrad adviser told me that people who get their degrees from Southern schools tend to have a more difficult time finding teaching jobs anywhere outside the South. Does anyone know if this is true?

All three of my degrees are (or will be) from Arkansas schools, and while I don't currently have plans to move too far outside this area, I would hate for my schools' location to be an immediate strike against me in terms of being hirable.

If it is true, do you think it's because there is still a stigma attached to Southerners? I can guarantee you that we are not all inbred, redneck idiots (and most of us even have all of our teeth ), and I would think that my CV or any other Southern grad's CV would be just as competitive as anyone else's. Or, could it be an issue of regional culture?

Here's the thing, though. The majority of the profs. in my program are not Southerners. We've got instructors from California, Virginia, Michigan, etc., and there are also a few international profs from Europe and the Middle East. If Southern academics can't get teaching jobs outside the South, then where the hell are they?

Very interesting topic guimauvaise, I have been wondering about this given that I will be starting a doctoral program in English this fall at Vanderbilt. I was a bit worried before accepting Vanderbilt's offer as most of the doctoral candidates did go on to teach in the South. I definitely wouldn't have a problem staying in the South to teach, but like you said, it is better to be able to be hired anywhere in the country. I am optimistic that since my program is one of the top for my field, that I won't have a problem being hired outside of the South. But to go back to your question, I do wonder why there is a lack of professors coming from southern institutions in the North....perhaps stereotypes may have something to do with it, but I am not exactly sure.

[Grad school makes me want to kill myself]

ZeeMore, I owe you an apology. I did not mean for that statement about foresaking others to generalize all PhD students. I have seen many do so, but I've also seen the opposite as well. No, not all PhD students forsake those they love, in fact, I strongly doubt even a majority do so. But I fear being in a position of working with or for one who does.

Definitely understand where you are coming from WornOutGrad. Like you said earlier, you know your limits...if you think you wouldn't be happy dividing your time between a doctoral program and your loved ones then perhaps a doctoral program is not for you. And again, this is definitely okay! You shouldn't be hard on yourself at all if you decide that you have had enough.

[Grad school makes me want to kill myself]

Insanity: repeating the same behavior and expecting different results?

My experience in life has been that sometimes important but hard to digest advice needs to be repeated over and over again, sometimes over years even, before the addressee can internalize the advice and act upon it. I know Just me is being very negative and is drawing a lot of negative attention because of that, but I still hope that repeating the advice to seek help will eventually sink in, if we repeat it often enough. Because whatever you think of Just me's behavior and attitude on TGC, there's obviously something very wrong in her life, which I hope she can take steps to repair. If not, at least I know I tried my best.

I definitely appreciate your steadfastness fuzzlogician, no doubt. I have been one of many posters on this forum who have given Just Me heartfelt advice, and I guess it is just sad to see someone continually refuse to take it. I do agree that whatever Just Me is going through must be terrible, but she is not really in the right state of mind to be giving others advice on this forum.

[Grad school makes me want to kill myself]

Alright, let me open up a little more. I feel like I've been struggling from a major combination of things over the past six months or so that make me question even being in Grad school. Growing up, I've always been the best student, and I've always loved learning. Going to Grad school seemed like such a natural thing for me, especially studying something I've been passionate about all my life. I left my girlfriend, my family, my church, and overall my home to pursue this. I'll confess that giving up so much seriously has given me a bad attitude to begin with. But then all I see is the need to give up more and more and more, and frankly, like our government, I've reached my limit. Unlike our government however, I haven't had the ability to raise that limit, and I've realize that it's because although I'm passionate about what I do, I'm not passionate enough about it to leave behind everything that has blessed me so much in life. Seeing as I'm in a Masters program, I've told myself that "it's only a short time, and then I'll be done." But even just today, my advisor is putting a ton of pressure on me to continue for my PhD, because she ultimately thinks that's what will make me happy. But another six to seven years away from those I care about, only to end up trapped in a lab for 100 hours a week working for someone like Erick Carriera when I should be getting married, maybe having children, and enjoying life (granted, I'll still have to slave for somebody; but if it meant I could still be around those I love, it would be worth it) is the opposite of happiness to me at this point.

I can't put down anyone who is passionate enough to work 80-100 hours a week and forsake others if it's truly what they are passionate about, but at this point, I'd be fine with flipping burgers if it meant I could truly be happy and with those I love. I'm just not sure if I'll even use the degree I'm working for now anymore. I seriously love what I am doing, and would love making a career out of it... if I could still enjoy the other things in my life. There's more to it than just that. I've realized that my advisor is very passive-aggressive and manipulating, and frankly, I'm not as interested in their research as I should be.

I'll finish with this; my statement was in many ways perfectly accurate and in other a hyperbole. I feel trapped right now, and at times, I wonder if dying would be the solution. I'm on anti-depressants and seeing a therapist. I feel like if I can't do what I love (and that's more than just school), then maybe I'm not cut out for this world. I wonder if I'm even going to be able to survive in the real world. BUT, I'm too chicken to do anything about it. When I get these thoughts, I feel the need to be real about them. I would rather die than be a lab rat for Dr. Carriera (or whomever my PhD or Postdoc advisor would be), because there are too many other things that are important to me. Frankly, I just feel stuck.

Definitely understand how you are feeling Worn Out Grad....I have had the feeling of being stuck in a specific situation and not knowing if you will be able to get out of it. From what you are saying, it seems as though going into a doctoral program would not be for you, especially since you are having such a difficult time getting through a M.A program. A doctoral program will be a lot more intense and being a doctoral student will require a lot more responsibilities.

I'd say that if you truly don't see yourself going into a doctoral program, than don't do it. Despite your adviser pressuring you to go into another graduate program, you know yourself better than she does...you know what will make yourself happy, and like you said, you know your limits. So if you know for sure that you don't want to go into a doctoral program, set your foot down and don't let anyone try to dissuade you from your decision. I would then start talking to others in your field to figure out what jobs you could consider going into after you finish your M.A degree.

I do take a little offense to your statement that those pursuing a doctoral program are somehow "forsaking" their loved ones...I don't think that is really fair to categorize a whole group in that way. For the most part, going into a PhD program opens up opportunities for people, and though I can't speak for anyone else, my family, friends, and church all support my desire to better myself and create more opportunities for myself. They don't see my choice to begin a graduate program out of state as a move on my part to "forsake" them. Life is all about changes, and in my opinion, you can't really live a fulfilling life if you are always hesitant to change....and change also includes moving away from loved ones and those you truly care about. Moving away from people you care about is always tough, but just because you move away doesn't mean you stop caring about these people...you just have to find new and different ways of maintaining these relationships. So if your fear of moving away from people is at the root of your unwillingness to take on a doctoral program, I would really sit down and think about what opportunities you might be giving up.

However, if you really just don't want to be in an environment where you are "slaving" away hours and hours on end for 5-8 years and you think you need more free time in your life to do what you want to do, then I would say that yes, a doctoral program is not for you, and that is definitely okay. Academia is not the end all be all in this life...you can definitely be happy outside of it and have a fulfilling life.

[Grad school makes me want to kill myself]

Just me, please take the advice you've been given here many many times by now and seek professional help. Your grad school experience is anything but normal.

Don't think Just me will take your advice, fuzzylogician. Unfortunately, she will use every thread as a soapbox for her self-perpetuated difficulties. I wonder what happens when graduate school can no longer be blamed for her problems.

[Give me a reality check:]

LOL! When you've been in academe as long as I have, you'll understand the reputation of English departments. Horrific politics and gamesmanship, generally acknowledged as worse than in any other discipline.

It's the very idea of a "personal statement" that's goofy. I have definitely heard people on graduate committees roll their eyes talking about them. From my experience they are the least important part of an application. A bad personal statement will not harm your application if the rest is good, but a good one will not make up for anything else that's lacking. Admissions committees go to those to try to figure out how a candidate would fit in if it isn't visible elsewhere in the application. That's why you just need to address briefly the kind of research you'd like to focus on and with whom you're interested in studying, and perhaps your overall career plans. It's not a writing sample, because it isn't scholarship. If you have a great GPA, high GREs, strong letters, the statement won't matter.

I've been in 3 different English departments so far and haven't had encountered problems with the the politics, perhaps these programs are the exceptions I guess. But anyway, I still don't agree that the personal statement doesn't count...sorry for being repetitive but how else is the committee suppose to figure out what the applicant's research interests are and if they fit with the department? Wouldn't the committee want to know that a potential candidate for admissions has the ability to define his/her field of research and explain how his/her research will contribute to the field?

[Grad school makes me want to kill myself]

I will assume you are not being serious...but if you are, I agree with dimanche here, you should definitely talk to someone. But I do agree that graduate school can be stressful. What aspect of graduate school is bothering you right now?