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oubukibun

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Everything posted by oubukibun

  1. Improve the writing for your self. There's no way to ever know if one can cater to an individual, a group, or even an entire school (and why would one want to if it were possible?). BUT, if we collectively continue to work on our writing so it continues to evolve as we do, and continues to reflect who we are and what our desires, aspirations, and goals are in that moment, chances are its chances of standing out from the pack will improve. There's no guarantees: it's the proverbial needle meeting the haystack. So, what I'll be doing is placing more needles in said stack, in the hopes that they'll prick their fingers at least once. I applied to 4 schools this year as a beta test, and I'm waiting to hear from BU. No idea what, if anything, will come of it, but I know if things don't work out, next year I will be doubling my application count to at LEAST remain assured that I have covered more bases than not. I hope my imagery passes muster, haha. Do not despair, unless it is on a page somewhere. Happy St. Patty's everyone!!
  2. Thanks for quoting me, as now I see I made a boo-boo concerning my use of a plural noun after my singular indefinite pronoun. Gotta keep myself honest. Anyone else here check up on their grammar with a monthly quiz or exam? No? Just me? Okay then...
  3. Technically, that's non-fiction since it actually happened and it is a recounting of the event. I don't think anyone here really needs to worry about being a terrible writer. Part of writing is that continuum of changing styles and evolving technique. Besides, someone out there wholeheartedly believes the Twilight books were written just for them, and adore each installment, and love the prose. It seems silly to ever think of oneself as a terrible writer in general... Perhaps one just hasn't found the writing one should be writing is all.
  4. In more pleasant news (for those who applied to BU as I did), the office of admissions for my program was very nice and attached my transcript to my profile. Much to my horror, it had not been there this whole time. Very kind of them to do so this late in the game, and though I'm certainly not interpreting the tea leaves, the wording implied that applications are still being looked at and mine remains current. Otherwise, quite meaningless to upload the transcript in lieu of telling me, "Sorry, but there's no real point to it now." Anyway, just thought that was lovely. Glad I made the choice to apply there. It was the school I chose on a hunch and an instinctual reaction, so it's reassuring that both of those things I've still got a handle on, haha. Not sure if waiting until the first week of April will be that bearable, although that does kind of fit into my spring break, so maybe I'll just get boozy and dunk my head in the ocean a few thousand times.
  5. Hey, yes, sorry, please don't read too much into my word choice there, haha. I'm really not losing my shit here, this is just cathartic for me, and it's a way for me to vomit out the nasty and keep the edible thoughts. I've always been pretty expectant of life's hard lessons (Church of Sisyphus, remember?), but that's also the hard part of applying anywhere. End of the day, it doesn't matter to me that I or my writing was rejected, because I'll keep writing for myself as I've always done. The MFA, sadly, is just a path towards better options for me and my writing future, IF I want that to be my future as a career outside of teaching. Thank you for the cheerleading, honestly, but I've been rolling the boulder for decades now. Fait accompli and I are, how do they say... good friends.
  6. I don't write a sonnet a day but I know I'm a poet at heart. I know that I am happiest when a poem can capture exactly, exactly, the tiny moment I had in my head. And in a manner no other writing could for me. This weekend a pal of mine from college read one of my poems (in my portfolio) at his sister's wedding for his reading/toast. I didn't write that poem for her wedding... I wrote it so it could just be. Having that mean more to me than an acceptance, however, does not erase that these grad schools need to get their communication game together right the shit now, haha.
  7. Well, it took 9 months from the application to the acceptance in the Peace Corps; I swear they knew everything there was to know about me outside of a colonoscopy. If it takes a year, so be it, because if it means each school has truly curated THE class they wanted, and not just a hopscotch of what they actually read or were told to be interested in... I don't mind the waiting. I mind the rudeness of automatedness (which is most likely not a word recognized by any dictionary, but whatevs). OH. I never said I'd quit, haha; I have my list of schools for Round 2: Electric Boogaloo. But I'm a firm believer that if you don't speak out (choose your format, of course) what is inside of you, regardless of how many times it's been said, then you have no business calling yourself alive.
  8. Hiya, Yes, via mail. Postmarked the 5th. Took a while 'cause I'm in South Florida. I knew I was rejected, and being rejected doesn't hurt. It's the callousness of being the cog in the machine when they're asking you to stand out somehow and giving you no indication you were even heard at all as you tried (to no avail, mostly) to do just that. I was nothing but myself in my application for all 4 schools... So to have each school confirm such a lack of identity or care or even a basic understanding of what it's like to be on the other side of pond in even just an email that doesn't read like an automated bot... That's the real killer.
  9. Yeah, I must've been visiting Neptune when I started my applications, sequencing my portfolio in fucking chronological order, as if somehow I imagined these people reading would go, "Oh, dope, he's got them in the order he wrote them, so we can see his progression and versatility as a writer!" WHAT A MORON. I'm not sure why I even bothered applying to grad school. I went to the Peace Corps and almost immediately realized the bureaucracy and the red tape were going to annihilate all of my good intentions and obliviate (yes, that's right) any possible justification for the "work" they wanted me to do. Spoiler alert: I was right, but at least I made a group of friends that will stick with me for my lifetime and explored a country I would've never otherwise. I'm so tired of hearing about grad schools being swamped with applications. So tired of emails and letters from these schools that read more pedestrian than a high-schooler with a half-decent grasp of the English language. It's your motherfucking job: the least each of those individual can do is honor each and every person that submits their time and money (!) and their emotional state (!!!) for the 2-3 months they wait to hear back... just to receive some loosely-connected, borderline-offensive letter full of the same word salad populated by gobbledygook that politicians use every time they open their mouths. No. Read every page we slaved over, even if they're no good to you. You are literally paid to do this. And not a single speck of creativity or worth or even a future can be found on a solitary page of writing. They know that, or at least they should. But they don't care, and no one's ever called them out to. I'm not as angry as I read here; I'm just tired of living a life where I have to pretend 2 pages of a "statement of purpose" is all of me, knowing they're not, knowing the people reading know they're not, and knowing full well most will never even get past the first paragraph. Just have us send the portfolios. Interview us if you're interested. Say thank you and maybe throw in some helpful advice (since, you know, this is your profession and you've just decided my writing's still not "up to par"). A little goes such a long way... Oh, you don't have time to read all those pages? Or make those calls? Oh my goodness, just like we don't have the time to read 500,000 pages during grad school while also juggling a job or a class we're teaching and perhaps even some semblance of a social life so we can also continue exploring and learning about characters and living through interacting with others? MAKE. THE. TIME. This is your fucking job, and our fucking future (Fuck is unabashedly my favorite word in all dictionaries across all languages, in forever, and for always, in fucking eternity). Aaaaaanyway, at least I got my rejection letter from Iowa. So Boston U's decision is all that's left. Suck it, grad schools. Love, Manny
  10. Speaking of BU, I am freaking the fuck out because I went to my admissions portal just to feed my anxiety for the day and then be done with it and realized there's no visible upload of my college transcript. I emailed admissions, as I'm pretty confident I wouldn't have just not uploaded it. Besides, the portal is set up so every section is "checked" by a green check-mark once it's been completed, and I never received any notification about missing transcripts (just the standard email giving the applicant a heads-up on what else needs to be uploaded, like rec. letters, transcripts, etc., and a congrats) soooo... Oh boy. I'd hate to really put the Sisyphean cherry on top by not being accepted into BU because I missed a transcript in some fugue-like state of applying. Surely a school wouldn't just let this happen without a heads-up... Right? I think age has made me cynical, but the Lost Boy in me always dares to hope anyway, haha. Terrified.
  11. Hahaha. I think the awfulness lies when you're happy with your portfolio and still end up rejected from all the schools you've applied to. Sometimes I can't decide if I should actively loathe everything I write or just accept that liking my writing now doesn't mean I'm stagnating or that I will never be accepted into a fully-funded MFA program.
  12. Frankly, I find it's mostly a statistics game. Obviously, as someone deeply invested in writing and the continued study of it (to become a published author, a professor, etc.), 'improving' it will always be part of the process, but that aspect will always be up to the unknown variables we all face when applying to any school. It has very little to do with us. How can we know that our writing is 'better' somehow in the context of grad school applications? However, if we apply to more schools, then at least we are giving ourselves a wider net, if not necessarily a higher chance of success. I too will be w0rking on my portfolio, knowing full well that my writing could've been stellar now but just not appealing to the people who read it. I will never know if 'improving' it will change that around; maybe by strengthening it, I've reduced my chances at one school or another, and perhaps strengthened my chances at a school I haven't even applied to. I'm trying to be extra careful so my words aren't misunderstood, haha, and I'm certainly not going to tell you what to feel or not to feel, but being rejected or even waitlisted (and not getting in) has so little to do with the writing in the grand scheme of things. Ironically, that's what "they're looking for" but we just can't know what that is, and all we can do is keep working on our words for our own damn selves, and keep trying, hoping we manage to cup the bottle just, and we can screw the cap back on before the lightning bolt is gone for good. Chin up! There is an audience out in the world for every single author. Every single one. And in the meantime, in the words of Lawrence of Arabia, himself: "The trick...is not minding that it hurts."
  13. Hmm, seems like today will be a slow day for communication from schools. Of course, that just probably means I finally get that snail-mail rejection from Iowa today, haha. Next week will hopefully open the floodgates...
  14. Hey all, Boston U. sends results out by the end of March or beginning of April? I don't have Facebook so I can't even join Draft (not entirely true: I created an account just to use there and it was deleted by Facebook within five minutes of its creation, haha, not sure if that's a sign...) and checking the results page seems to indicate maybe one person gets called in late February, and then people are notified they are rejected by the second week of April or so? This is my only school left (Iowa doesn't count since clearly that's a rejection, so waiting on the letter to arrive), and although I may have believed my chances there to be statistically better than they really are, I'd love to know if anyone has a rough estimate of when they start contacting potential candidates. Thank you in advance!
  15. Hahahaha! And here I thought, "Boston's my only real shot this year, it seems." Ah, the boulder beckons...
  16. Hahahahaha! I just laughed much too much at this in this Starbucks. Perfection.
  17. Well, that's mostly what I'm speaking to: how dwelling on responses of anger or indignation can also color the rest of our interactions. As a teacher going on five years now (just about), I have to be mindful of not taking my personal life with me into the classroom and vice versa. I keep that same mindset everywhere I go if for no other reason it simplifies things, heh. Also, sorry for the font size! I like smaller font when writing/typing for myself, and I tend to not think of people reading it as, more often than not, people don't, haha. I can assure you all attacking anyone or anything is an exhausting hobby, and my life's work is exhausting enough as it is. I just joined to be a member of the community in preparation for next year if I am not accepted into Boston, and because I figured maybe someone would have an idea of what schools might want to take an aspiring poet who likes to play with language and who is in love with language. And film! That's all!
  18. I... wasn't? Apologies, now I'm just confused. I just think it's genuinely sweet that someone would apologize for speaking his or her mind in a strong manner when, compared to the awful things people write to each other online, it wasn't very strongly-worded at all. Like I mentioned earlier, clarity seems to be an issue in my writing. It's something I'm actively investigating as I see it presents problems, haha. Seriously, there's no attack here.
  19. Of course, I don't think you have a responsibility to anyone but your own damn self. I do think it's sweet that you thought your post would somehow get you banned. Doesn't even touch the incensed and insane paragraphs of outrage and disdain or even "I've had enough!" posts I've encountered on the Web, hehe. I'm obviously not undergoing the same anxiety and emotional strain, so my perspective is different. Good on ya for speaking your mind!! I had anger issues when I was younger, so I really can't entertain the notion of letting out steam over something someone says or does online. That's what catharsis is for, and I can't imagine anyone providing that for me better than myself. Enjoy a good stiff drink... or luxuriate in the wonders of a perfectly-brewed latte. Since there's a vague Bard theme hanging over the thread: All's well that ends well, even if the end (maybe especially so) is not what we expected or hoped for.
  20. Maybe it's a long-term writing project? Isn't one of the bottom lines on the Web that if one thinks it, one has already done it elsewhere? Surely it can't be that shocking that there's a 'token' something everywhere we go? Isn't that part of what makes narratives so predictable anyway? We start to recognize tropes and stereotypes in everyone and everything because we spend so much time hyper-analyzing language and form. I can't fathom Ophelia and her doppelgangers is serious. More Joaquin Phoenix in I'm Still Here. Too much credit maybe? It livens up my day in between intervention sessions with my students, haha, so I really have no room to complain or talk back to an unknown avatar I'll never run into. Cheers not tears!
  21. Ah yes, Brown. How many did we accept this year? Two? Three? Maybe four, if we felt magnanimous? Haha! Guess this only realistically leaves Boston University for me, although I reckon I may be putting my eggs in a basket that's also not taking many or even wants them. So glad I have an entire month of waiting left to find out. Thrilled.
  22. Haha, it's lovely of you to write those words, but I have issues with clarity sometimes. I certainly didn't mean my writing has zero value, but that in the context of grad school applications, it's hard to gauge that value and if it even exists for those judging the portfolio and deciding yes or no. I was always a good student, but I was never more than decent in math and the sciences, so I can say, with no humble bragging, because of all the energy and focus I spent on learning English, and learning that I loved it, I'm more than half-decent at it, and have come a long way to accepting that it is, and that I'm proud of what I put to a page, virtual or otherwise. I've been a member of the Church of Sisyphus since high school, so truly, it's not something I haven't dealt with before, but, it'd be grand to hear about schools or programs that cater to or accept writers who have chosen poetry as a primary form of expression and want to keep playing with language (cross-genre stuff is aces) and especially talking about bodies while also developing ways of rekindling a love for the Romantics. But thank you, you're clearly a very gracious and kind-hearted individual to take the time to write responses to perfectly strange strangers. It's always a nice change from the commonplace vitriol and one-upmanship on the Web. I also want to shout out that person who associated film directors with schools. A perfectly absurd way of 'marking' the schools and I've chosen future applications based on that criteria, haha. I'm as big a cinephile as they come, which coupled with my absolute need for music of all kinds, has helped my voice and the lyricism I'm trying to engage in my writing. Seriously, music and film do wonders.
  23. Shared as a Google doc. If that doesn't work then I give up forever, haha.
  24. Huh. I changed the format to .docx, so maybe that'll work now? Rich text format is iffy all around.
  25. Hello everyone, I haven't been lurking very long, but I figured it was time to come out and ask some questions and become a member of the forum as I fear the application process has only begun for me. I've been a tutor and/or a teacher in some capacity or combination since my sophomore year of college (at Otterbein in Ohio), and due to an unpleasant time at a private school here in Miami, the fire under my ass finally lit itself and I realized it was time to stop diddling and get back to work. I don't want to say I'm a poet, because that implies my work is fruitful all the time and that I've been read or published (although, watch this space), but well, I'm a poet-in-training by my own hands. I was lucky to have one of the most wonderful and refreshing English faculties during my undergraduate (seriously, an entire Winter quarter devoted to Woolf; I'm still pinching myself I was that fortunate), so I honed my skills and had a years-long workshop to really experiment and stretch my writing muscles. I don't write every day, which seems to be an accepted no-no, but when I do, I'm supremely happy with the result. It's hard for me to write for the sake of writing, since I have to edit and proofread as I write and not after I've finished that session for the day. The writing has to come from somewhere I can't place; in a way, it has to be intentional, but not with intent, if that makes any sense. I take pride in my English because I worked so hard to learn it (Spanish is my first language), and I'm happy with my style, which I've been developing since at least the latter half of eighth grade. It makes me happy to know that my friends and even my teachers and professors 'know' me through my writing. That distinctiveness is something I never tried to capture intentionally, so it's nice to see it be captured anyway. Why am I rambling on and on? Well, I didn't (don't?) truly believe I'd/I'll be getting into grad programs this year, especially since I only applied to four: Syracuse, Brown, Iowa, and Boston University. I consciously picked from the cherry-top of the cherry-top, and figured I'd work my way down until, well, I managed to find a nook that would have me down the long, long tree of admissions (sorry, I like nature imagery, bear with me). Syracuse right out of the gate said no, and I haven't heard from Iowa and Brown, so I assume they will be sending those "Thanks, but no thanks" or "We just don't know where you fit in our program with our diverse faculty and..." messages soon enough (actually, not soon enough, who am I kidding). Boston U, I suppose, is the outlier here, and part of me chose it subconsciously knowing I stood a 'better' chance at getting in there... Somehow. Of course, I also chose one that decides to make decisions in April (and near my birthday, too, the grief, haha). I realize, of course, this is all folly, which we all willingly participate in. We 'improve' our writing, and 'work' on our portfolios, and 'try' again, but the final choice seems so arbitrary, and subjective, that I'm not so sure what the preparation is for or how it works (How does one satisfy faceless people in charge of deciding your grad fate?). I completed my applications, but the entire time I felt so completely unprepared or that it was incomplete somehow, like I was an impostor, but surely this is how a lot of people applying to grad schools, and, indeed, how many grad schools indirectly (and even directly) make applicants feel. I've never known how to convince people to hire me or take me in. Somehow, I've had the chance to teach across a pretty diverse set of classrooms (students on the spectrum, students on the outskirts of the Ecuadorian jungle, students learning English for the first time, Gifted eighth graders, etc.) despite that, but, thinking on my Statement of Purpose, and what a ridiculous struggle it is to even conceptualize a page or a page and a half that can summarize one's worth... Nothing I do or did matters. I'm not even sure my writing matters, since someone's gold-spun wheel is another's bloody instrument of torture. Tl;dr: Anyone know of any grad programs, fully or mostly funded, that seek out or appeal to 'poets' who seek to continue experimenting and changing the form? And if not change the form, then a program that fosters the individual growth of a writer's voice so it becomes even more idiosyncratic? In happier news, a good friend of mine asked if he could read some of my work for his sister's wedding as she had asked him to perform a reading. I said, sure, and much to my surprise, he actually chose the one I thought might fit. Having someone read my work to a group of strangers is so oddly thrilling to me, maybe even more so than a grad school acceptance... somehow (I could just be deluding myself). I've attached that poem so those who've read this far and can offer any advice about choosing a program 'right' for me can take a look at the writing itself and make an informed opinion... or not. It's been twisted fun reading through this thread, but a writer is always at least a little bit of a masochist, so that makes sense. Take care, everyone, and breathe easy, and don't forget to dip your madeleines at tea time! Manny https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ufL9juatKSpWlXvgyi8i7IXagBEbFCG5B3PqWTwtjY0/edit?usp=sharing
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