hardlyworking

I have applied to programs within an absurdly competitive field. Even the so-called safety schools take less than 5 percent of their applicants. I think my biggest worry throughout this waiting process has been a fear that rejection will cement my feeling that I am worthless as a human being, especially in a country where unsuccessful people are scorned as "moochers" and "takers." It doesn't help that I have been unemployed since graduating last year, undertaking a parallel, if desultory and halfhearted, job search which has also been a failure up to now. So I got my first rejection today. Felt very disappointed for an hour or so, but then I realized -- what a load off. First and foremost, instead of 11 schools to worry about, there are now only 10. Moreover, my future will not include leaving behind loved ones to pack up and move to that particular place on the other side of the continent and start all over in the outrageous pressure-cooker environment of that particular school. And if (or, as is far more likely, when) I get rejections from the other 10 schools, those will be 10 further burdens that will be lifted from my mind and body. And then I can relax, get on with my life--and start trying to make my goals fit my circumstances, and not the other way around.