atg

I applied to 7 schools. So far 3 rejections (including the one that I had the best shot of getting into). The rest are either across the country or schools that are out of my league. Not sure why I even applied to them in retrospect. In any case, now I am pondering the prospect of looking for another job in this horrible market. Fun fun!

I am a nontraditional student with an MA and several years of research experience who has applied to several PHD programs. I am currently waiting to hear back from schools and I am having serious doubts about whether or not it is worth it (for me) to pursue a PHD. Pros: I envision that having a PHD will enable me to: · have a job with flexibility (this is a major draw) · make a decent salary (currently I am stalled in the 40s) · have some control over my day and the freedom to attend to family when needed. · I will never be bored at work Cons · I am not sure if I have what it takes intellectually to defend my ideas on a continual basis. I think I am reasonably intelligent but I have little confidence these days and even graduate level classes are intimidating me at this point. The idea dong doing battle on a daily basis is scary. · I have family ties in my current area and I don’t want to move my family in 4 years to get the only junior faculty position available. · I am leary of taking a 50% pay cut for 4 years only take a post doc that pays about what I make right now in 2011. Did I mention I took a 5k pay cut this past year when I was downsized. Basically I am making only a few thousand more than I did in 2003. · I am not sure I want to give up the retirement contribution that I would receive from my employer if I stayed in my currently position. People say only do the Phd if it is your life long dream to study X. Well, I don’t know if I can say that. Honestly, when I left research for a while I did not ready one research article during that time. I have plenty of hobbies that provide intellectual stimulation and they don’t require a PHD to enjoy them. Basically, I am at a huge decision point. If I go into a program and I fail I will cost my family a lot in terms of time and money. Maybe my MA, if accepted, will shave some time off of this endeavor and make it less of a sacrifice but still there is the problem of what to do after the PHD. For some who go to PHD out of undergrad can at least tell themselves they got an MS if they don't make it all the way through. For me that would be a moot point. I keep reminding myself to NOT overplan this but it is hard to ignore so may looming questions. Sorry this is so long but there is a lot for me to tease apart here (fear of failure vs genuine reasons for not dong this). I would appreciate any input regarding this issues/anxieties. Thanks in advance. atg

I also applied to UK's BNP program. I have not been contacted about an interview. Do you know when they are being conducted? Just curious.