Extremely excited second choice or evasive first choice?

[mathgrad]

So I heard back from one of my middle-choice schools (ranked in top 15) immediately--ten days after I applied. The department there has been extremely friendly to me, and has been working really hard to get me to go there. I've been rejected (or essentially rejected) to all the schools that I preferred to this school, except for one school. This school is ranked somewhat higher than the school I originally got into, and is extremely prestigious. Anyway, I heard from them on Monday asking me if I was still interested in their program, and if so, to send them my fall grades. I sent them these things and they told me they'd let me know before April 15th. There recruitment weekend is next weekend, so I emailed to ask if I'd have my decision by then, and they said no. Is it wrong of me to feel down on this school because they're not recruiting me? I just feel like if I get in last minute, I'd feel bad turning down the great school that has been recruiting me, and I also might not have a chance to visit. A lot of people have told me I should definitely just go if I get in, but I feel slightly uneasy about that. Any thoughts? Anyone in a similar position?

[Tiglath-Pileser III]

Nope, I'm not in that position unfortunately. But I would definitely give greater consideration to a school that was actively courting me. While it is not a guarantee, a advisor and school that is actively interested in recruiting me, may be interested in my continued success. It would be a terrible to have an advisor that ignores you even if the school is otherwise very good.

[chimerical]

Sounds like you're on an unofficial waitlist. Now, a post-waitlist admit is certainly just as "valid" as a first-round acceptance, and once you're in the program it's unlikely you'd be treated differently than the other students. But there is something to be said for a department displaying such clear enthusiasm for you. It sounds like they will be genuinely invested in your development as a scholar and you may have a leg-up on other students in terms of garnering early attention from faculty.

Not being in your field or knowing what your long-term goals are, it's hard to advise you to go one way or the other. I will say I accepted a job from a top but not very-top consulting firm over a top three firm because the former put much more effort into recruiting me and I haven't regretted that choice at all. Try to block out all the rationalizing that's probably going on in your head (easier said than done, I know) and trust your instincts.

[Jade]

Go with the excited school. A school heavily recruited me for my Master's, but I chose the "higher" ranked program. The first program offered full funding, interesting opportunities -- and I should have attended. It didn't have the big name, but I think that initial boost would've gotten me further. In my chosen program, I felt awkward and never on par with the superstars. If I had to do it again, I would've selected the former. There's something to be said for being someplace where you're really wanted. Go there and be a star.

[oldlady]

I completely concur with what has already been said. In my last academic job, I was second choice for them, and there were certain people who always treated me that way. Think of this like a personal relationship -- knowing that you'll be involved for the next four years, whom would you rather date?

[eucalyptus]

I'm in a somewhat similar position (higher ranked school likes me and has accepted me, lower rank school is obsessed with me and actively recruiting hard), and I'm trying not to let the flattery and attention from the lower-ranked school cloud my judgment. Obviously it feels good to have someone chasing me that hard, and I'm sure that would come with some benefits if I attended that school (more attention from profs, big fish in small pond, etc), but I'm trying to remind myself that that feeling is not going to last. They're not going to continue showering me with attention for the next five years, and I can't pick a school based on how good it makes my ego feel!