Choosing between two schools for two people

[TryingAgain]

I realize this is a fabulous problem to have, but it has me freaking out anyway. My partner and I have both been applying to Ph.D programs and we have been lucky enough to get into two programs so far that are geographically feasible. However, the upsides and downside to both are making me a bit crazy in trying to figure out how to make a decision. If anybody has any advice, I'd love to hear it. This is the scenario:

In one case, we were accepted into two different schools about 40 minutes apart from each other. I have family in the area of the school I got into, so I wouldn't have to commute everyday. We could live near his school and I could stay with my mom a couple of days a week. The school I got into is pretty awesome program. It is one of the top ranking schools in my field and number 1 in my subfield, the school he got into is ranked in the top 50 and cool program too. I got awesome funding, his funding is yet to be confirmed but probably will be fine, especially combined with mine. I would be thrilled to live near my mom again, but I really dislike the areas these schools are in.

In the other case, we got into the same school, same program, so there would be no commuting, no living out of a suitcase and no spending so much time apart. Also, because we are in the same field, during our masters program we found it very helpful to be able to bounce ideas of each other all the time while studying, something that would be more difficult to do if I were away half the week. We received the same funding package, which is good but not as good as the package I got from school #1. The city that school #2 is in would be a cool place to live. School #2 sounds like a pretty awesome program and would be a good fit, but it is ranked low - it is in the top 100 but barely. I know rankings are not all that straight forward, and a good fit with a program is more important, but I am worried about how much the rankings will affect our abilities to get professorships later - and of course we will have the two-body problem then as well, so anything that will help us on the market is a definite consideration.

Oh, and we are in the humanities. I don't know if that changes anything as far as how much rankings matter or not.

What to do? Thanks in advance for any and all advice!!!

[eastcoastdude123]

Really not much for me to say, but I'm glad I don't have to make a decision like that. Here's to hoping you two make the right decision.

Good luck.

Edited March 7, 2010 by eastcoastdude123

[Piwi]

I'm not sure what I would do in that situation, sorry.

However, I wanted to say that I would love to be in your position - I'm looking at a long distance relationship for the next four years, and then a two body problem after that...

[cesada]

Obviously this is just my opinions, but I think with the humanities you can never be too careful about the future job market. People from great programs have trouble getting a good job... so, top 100 seems like an unnecessary risk in your situation. It will definitely change your job prospects later, no matter how great the "fit" was. Besides, if option one is ranked first in your subfield, it has got to be a pretty good fit too, right?

If I were in your shoes (haha, wish I was!) and assuming your partner's school in option 1 is also a good fit for him/her, I would definitely go for option one. You live in a lame area with a lame commute for a few years, but if those few years give you more options for the rest of your life... well... could be worth the sacrifice.

[sciencegal]

Granted we don't have all the variables, but with limited information I too would probably also go with option 1. Rankings aren't everything when comparing two top programs, but I would worry the school in scenario 2 wouldn't be well respected enough if it's ranked so lowly to get you both interviews/job talks once you're on the market.

Long distance is hard (even "short" long distance) but by my personal metrics option 1 seems feasible and something I would have been willing to do. If you're still seeing each other weekly that sounds great, and also, I find myself incredibly productive when I am alone, so you might benefit from that as well if you are similar.

Good luck in your decision making...

[Slarti]

I would go with option number 1, but where I live having less than an hour commute is great!

What I mean is, get an apartment together and just commute every day. IMO, the only problem with option 1 is if you really don't like the area, and think the worse school is worth it just for being in a nicer area.

Edited March 9, 2010 by Slarti

[chimerical]

Given the job market in the humanities I would be very reluctant to turn down admission to a top-ranked school with full funding in favor of a school that barely cracks the top 100. Rankings aren't everything but that large a drop will make a difference. And personally, I don't think the commute sounds bad at all, but like Slarti I live in an area notorious for bad traffic, so my perspective may be skewed somewhat.

[prolixity]

I'm in the exact same boat; however, my wife and I were accepted at the same school, but I decided to turn down that school's offer.

I'm currently choosing between two schools: one on the East coast that will dramatically increase my chances of having an amazing career and one on the West coast which, while very very prestigious, is not as prestigious as the one on the East coast. My wife is going to attend UC Davis.

So, do I want to be 3000 miles away from her and have the opportunity to finish my PhD in record time with no familial obligations, or do I want to locate myself about 150 miles from her, and face the burden.. hmm.. as I write this out, I just realized I should probably choose the closer one.. I'll still have the opportunity to see her and I'll still have the opportunity of working without familial obligations.

Though I've always wanted to live on the East coast, and I've always wanted to wear crimson when I graduate.

I empathize with your plight, because I'm living the same story.

[geodrake]

No offense, but a 40 minute commute is nothing (this coming from someone who lived 25ish miles from work and the commute was 1.5 hours on a GOOD day). Most recently my hubby was commuting 45ish miles to work. Would it be possible to live in the middle and split the difference (20 minutes each?). Otherwise I say Option 1. If you ever plan on living somewhere with traffic, it'll be good practice

I forgot to mention, one of the grads in my department commutes 2.5 hours one way to go to school (and TAing this semester too), so it could be worse. He's getting it done though!

Edited March 10, 2010 by geodrake

[chemmefatale]

The current school I am looking at, especially if my other applications do not work out (which is becoming increasingly likely) has a thirty-infinity minutes length commute through a windy mountainous road that only has two lanes and occasionally closes down at the sight of accidents or rock slides. My boyfriend and I currently have an apartment on the other side of this mountain. My plan would be to obtain the cheapest/most comfortable place possible and then retreat to my apartment on weekends. Housing is pricey. If I got into one of the other schools, the game would change substantially not only because they are higher ranked, but I could actually see myself moving to a different city at this point in time (not to mention cheaper rent!). In one scenario, my boyfriend may be able to transfer his job and his family is closer.

[TryingAgain]

Thanks for the advice everyone! I am still not sure which way we are leaning, but it is good to get some insight. I am heading down to school #1 for recruitment weekend today, so we'll see if that helps at all. As far as the commute goes, I am not all that worried about that - I grew up in Southern California and before I went back to school did the LA commute, and then my first year of my masters I had about an hour and half commute. I know 40 minutes (midday, probably 1-2 hours rush hour) isn't undoable, I just told myself I would never do the commuter thing again. It could be worth it though.

I think what I might not have made entirely clear, and the only thing that is holding us back on a decision right now, is that the program at school number 2 is doing some pretty awesome things and has some great professors that the SO would love to work with. I would also be quite happy to work with them as well. The reputation at school number 2 isn't bad at all as far as I know (it is a SUNY), just not ranked highly. School number 1 for SO is not such an exciting program for him, even though it is higher ranked. Sigh (but good sigh, I suppose!).