Nightmares about starting

[hip2btriangle]

So I had a dream last night that two professors from my department (people I respect a great deal) randomly showed up at my apartment (across the country) and showed a really sincere interest in getting to know me and my work...they gave me books they thought I should read, and talked about all the cool research we'll do together over the next five years. Then, mid-conversation, they realized I wasn't ACTUALLY an admitted student and they took their books back and left. Needless to say I woke up not feeling so good. I think I'm nervous about starting a new program!

I know some might think this post should go in the "Now Grads" general forum or whatever, but I feel some comfort in sharing this here among sociology-oriented folks. Anyone else terrified about starting a program? I'm the first person in my family doing not only the sociology thing but also the PhD thing, and as I'm talking with professors from the dept., looking up everyone's CV's...I think...holy crap! They're amazing, and really smart and accomplished. WHAT COULD I POSSIBLY HAVE TO CONTRIBUTE?

I realize that I'm pretty much the spitting image of a nervous person about to start a grad program, but anyone have any tips to get out of this funk? I've started reading like 1-2 books per week just because I'm trying to "catch up" even though I don't even know entirely if I need to do that.

[socialcomm]

I can assure you... you are NOT alone. I think now that I know where I'm going I'm actually more anxious than before! But I think it's fairly normal (at least that's what I'm telling myself) when there's such a big change and you're going from the known to the unknown!

Maybe taking a day to step away from all things academic would help? Just concentrate on other hobbies/friends/family? OR taking a different approach, write down all the things that you're nervous about and look at them one by one to try to figure out if you have reasons to be nervous and what you can do to reduce the nervousness... but I think that would end up freaking me out more.

I'm curious though... what books are you reading? Anything you'd recommend?

[hip2btriangle]

I can assure you... you are NOT alone. I think now that I know where I'm going I'm actually more anxious than before! But I think it's fairly normal (at least that's what I'm telling myself) when there's such a big change and you're going from the known to the unknown!

Maybe taking a day to step away from all things academic would help? Just concentrate on other hobbies/friends/family? OR taking a different approach, write down all the things that you're nervous about and look at them one by one to try to figure out if you have reasons to be nervous and what you can do to reduce the nervousness... but I think that would end up freaking me out more.

I'm curious though... what books are you reading? Anything you'd recommend?

Well, I'm finishing a MA program elsewhere, so I kind of have a lot of academic work to finish before I can really take a break for the summer. I'm doing a pilot study right now that involves field work and I'm literally reading 2 books a week in my subfield of interest (new media, children & youth, gender) and also reading other harder core stuff on methodology (mostly qualitative methods, books on interviewing youth and doing research on youth, ethnography stuff). Though NOW I'm tempted to read everything from the faculty in my department that I'm really interested in working with, so I may start that soon.

[2010international]

Well, I'm finishing a MA program elsewhere, so I kind of have a lot of academic work to finish before I can really take a break for the summer. I'm doing a pilot study right now that involves field work and I'm literally reading 2 books a week in my subfield of interest (new media, children & youth, gender) and also reading other harder core stuff on methodology (mostly qualitative methods, books on interviewing youth and doing research on youth, ethnography stuff). Though NOW I'm tempted to read everything from the faculty in my department that I'm really interested in working with, so I may start that soon.

Wow that's really intensive. i feel like i should start doing something similar too, but then again this may be the only time for the next 5 years or so that we DON'T feel compelled to read 10000 books and the latest articles per week? Might as well make the most of it.

For some reason my freaking out has been more over the post-phd life. i've read some really depressing articles about employment prospects for phds - and it didn't look good. i keep telling myself that since my ultimate goal in pursuing a phd is not to get into academics, i'll be fine but it's still a little disconcerting. in a similar line, i read something pretty unhelpful in one of the above articles about how if you can imagine yourself doing anything other than grad school then you should. i mean i can imagine myself doing other things, if it comes to that, but i want to do doctoral studies for a million reasons - some good, some not great, but still.

[Roll Right]

Well, I'm finishing a MA program elsewhere, so I kind of have a lot of academic work to finish before I can really take a break for the summer. I'm doing a pilot study right now that involves field work and I'm literally reading 2 books a week in my subfield of interest (new media, children & youth, gender) and also reading other harder core stuff on methodology (mostly qualitative methods, books on interviewing youth and doing research on youth, ethnography stuff). Though NOW I'm tempted to read everything from the faculty in my department that I'm really interested in working with, so I may start that soon.

Yeah, I think it's even more nerve wracking when you get into a program and start doing the work too. You get the impostor complex, always wondering if your work is up to snuff, or if you're full of crap and the papers you've written are garbage. I get that feeling constantly.

Also, I sometimes feel like I shouldn't do as well as I do, as so many other students always comment on it, calling me a brainiac or whatever. I guess it was endearing at first, but now it makes me feel like an ass. I'm not sure the intimidation ever goes away. Hell, the University is basically a gym for the mind. Everyones working out, feeling self conscious about the other person's work out routine. Everyone always thinks they should be reading more, or writing more, or reading a certain topic or whatever.

[maximus82]

Yeah, I think it's even more nerve wracking when you get into a program and start doing the work too. You get the impostor complex, always wondering if your work is up to snuff, or if you're full of crap and the papers you've written are garbage. I get that feeling constantly.

Also, I sometimes feel like I shouldn't do as well as I do, as so many other students always comment on it, calling me a brainiac or whatever. I guess it was endearing at first, but now it makes me feel like an ass. I'm not sure the intimidation ever goes away. Hell, the University is basically a gym for the mind. Everyones working out, feeling self conscious about the other person's work out routine. Everyone always thinks they should be reading more, or writing more, or reading a certain topic or whatever.

I am suffering a serious case of the impostor complex. I've had nightmares about my first day of classes and they all pretty much end the same way: the entire cohort looking at me and wondering how the crap I got in.

[ilikemoney]

Relax everyone. I'll be honest, at this point, I'm not nervous--just excited to start. My job feels like purgatory, and though I'm having fun with it, I'm ready for the change. (My job--teaching--also makes me perpetually nervous, so I think that probably overshadows a lot...) I'll probably get nervous later, but I've met a lot of faculty and students and they're all down to earth. I've been looking forward to doctoral study for a while, and it getting closer only makes me more excited.

I'm sure I'll be less enthused when the reading list overwhelms me and I have to write papers. But for now -- not worried. Lucky me, I guess?