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HELP! Personal history/diversity statement

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Hello hello! Hoping for a last minute review of a personal history statement that is due TODAY for a UC. To be blunt, I am a white female who grew up affluent. In my statement, I tried to 1) acknowledge my privilege, 2) acknowledge where my commitments to diversity and marginalized groups have fallen short in the past, and 3) how I now view my responsibilities as a person with privilege. 

I'm not sure my statement follows through with those three goals, however. I would sincerely appreciate anyone who can offer a quick read through and feedback as to where my points are getting lost or I might sound tone-deaf or something. Reply and I'll send you a link to a google doc!

Happy to help review an SOP or personal history statement in return, if you'd like :)

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