AWA help?

[elx]

Hiya! I was hoping to get some quick feedback on an Argument essay I did -- I went the completely opposite way with my reasoning to the example response, so I'm not too sure about it. I'm taking the GRE tomorrow, but if you see this later, a response might still help someone else who is looking for advice? Thanks a million!

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“When someone achieves greatness in any field such as the arts, science, politics, or business that person’s achievements are more important than any of his or her personal faults.”

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

It is tempting to overlook faults in people who have achieved greatness, but I will argue that this is a dangerous tactic. Merit should be considered, but personal shortcomings need to be addressed alongside, not outside it.

Inventions can be useful regardless of the inventor, but this usefulness does not negate their personal faults. The saying goes that ‘history is written by the victors’, but it should not be accepted as the norm. This type of thinking leads to historical fallacies—for example, Thomas Jefferson is a monumental figure in American memory, but the paradox between his devotion to freedom and his affinity towards white supremacy is a less common idea. Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence and contributed to the Revolutionary War, but this does not mean his shortcomings should be neglected, as they set a precedent for racist state-builders. Americans still adore Jefferson, but fail to see how his racism breeds today’s racism. All of this is because people are afraid to let go of the image of a Founder in all his glory.

The logic that brilliance in one field is a valid excuse for personal faults is outright dangerous. For example, Donald Trump is a hero to many people in the world because of his business acumen, many of whom ignore his personal shortcomings. In the sphere of business, this was easier to obscure than it is now, as he is serving as a President of the United States. Because politics is public service, it is now harder for him to hide from scrutiny. In the past two years, we have seen numerous personal scandals that undermine his political capacities. We do not get this opportunity with every crooked businessman.

Furthermore, greatness in a particular field may come at the expense of something else. A good example is the recent #MeToo movement in Hollywood. As a result of this movement in which survivors of sexual assault name their perpetuators, many powerful men’s careers have been destroyed. The success of this movement is a clear example of a desire to hold accountable even those who have achieved remarkable greatness in the film industry—in the arts. Harvey Weinstein and other men have not become worse at directing, acting, and film-making—instead, they fall out of fame due to their personal faults.

Another saying goes that ‘behind every great man there is a woman’. The adulation of great men in history has led to a crooked worldview, and to the situation where Donald Trump can sit as President of the United States. Thus, we should aim to be much more critical in the images we project around powerful people, especially white and male, and not forget that their greatness might be a result of someone else’s oppression.