Please critique my essays, if you will

[shwetha97]

Hello all!

I'm new to TheGradCafe and this is my first post. I wrote these 2 essays within a 30-minute time interval (more or less  working on it) each during my preparation for the GRE. It would mean a lot to me if you could critique these essays, based on the criteria for assessing essays according to the Official Guide. It would be helpful if you could also give me an approximate score on 6 for each. 

Thanks in advance!

Here are the essays:

Issue Task:

Claim: Major policy decisions should always be left to politicians and other government experts.
Reason: Politicians and other government experts are more informed and thus have better judgment and perspective than do members of the general public.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

 

I disagree with the claim and the reason on which it is based upon because it is not only too generalized but also takes into account the views of only a certain faction, when the policy holds good for all.

There is no guarantee that politicians and government experts are the most well read and well informed people out there. There is no minimum education required to stand as a candidate in elections. There is also no resume or interview process as in other professions. The candidates who stand for elections are voted in by the public based on their promises, oratory skills, their Party's reputation and also to some extent what kind of work they have done for the people. They are one among the public, so they are no more like the rest of us in terms of the information they have to make such important decisions.

Important policy decisions must take into consideration the views of those it impacts, that is the majority or the public.  It makes it a fair decision and will be hence be appreciated more. A given policy or law would affect different strata of people differently. A survey should be conducted with a good representation or fraction from each stratum, which would give the officials useful information on how the law would impact. If there is a negative impact, the policy could also be amended or modified accordingly. After all, who knows the pain points of the public better than the public itself? Hence, the officials cannot take unilateral decisions. There should also proper representatives of the public in the government to represent and convey the needs of the public accurately

But, we must consider seasoned politicians and government experts who have analysed the dynamics of the nation and give them due credit. They may have a different perspective on the matter than the common man, but only when put together do they reap the maximum benefit for the nation.

Thus, the major policy decisions should not be left in the hands of the politicians and government experts blindly. The public, from which they have been elected and for whom the policies are, must know what is going on and also have a reasonable say in it. This alone would result in the maximum efficiency of the policy.

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Argument Task:

The following appeared in a memorandum from the manager of KNOW radio station.
"Several factors indicate that KNOW radio can no longer succeed as a rock-and-roll music station. Consider, for example, that the number of people in our listening area over fifty years of age has increased dramatically, while our total number of listeners has declined. Also, music stores in our area report decreased sales of rock-and-roll music. Finally, continuous news stations in neighboring cities have been very successful. We predict that switching KNOW radio from rock-and-roll music to 24-hour news will allow the station to attract older listeners and make KNOW radio more profitable than ever."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.

There are several assumptions in the statement that haven't been accounted for. This includes assumptions that listeners in the 50 plus age bracket don't enjoy rock music. An direct relation has been portrayed between the increase in the number of older listeners and the decrease in the total number of listeners, without explanation. There is also an unexplained, underlying assumption that the younger crowd does not enjoy Rock music.

Rock and Roll music was all the rage back in the fifties, from where we can also trace its origin, with the rise in popularity of legendary bands like The Beatles and Queen. Hence, it is not preposterous to assume that the current 50 plus age bracket would not only have been exposed to Rock and Roll, but may also have loved it. The music when played on KNOW station, would have taken them fondly back down memory lane. They would have, in fact, thoroughly enjoyed the experience. Hence, assumtption that the older generation does not enjoy Rock music is not only presumptuous but also invalid.

There is also the assumption that only the older generation even listens to the radio. There would definitely be a significant portion of the younger crowd who would listen to the radio as they travel to work, school or college in the traffic, which cannot be ignored. Among this crowd, there would also be a significant portion who would possess an old bone in them and would enjoy rock music. This is evident in the sheer crowd that appears in  Rock concerts these days and there is no dearth of the younger crowd. The Beatles and Queen still continue to be cherished as the most extraordinary bands of all time, which is proof enough.
In the statement, a direct relation has been extended between the decrease in the number of older listeners and the decrease in the total number of listeners. The younger listeners may simply have gone out of town due to work or further studies. Due to extreme weather conditions they may even have gone to temporarily stay in a summer home or a hill station on holiday. There are innumerable such reasons why they would have moved away temporarily but the cannot be used as excuses for the failure of KNOW station.

The decreased sales in the music stores may be due to the decrease in the quality of Rock music these days. It may also have been due to the high cost of the records which may not be affordable to the majority of the working class. These days,  with the rise of platforms such as Spotify and Apple Music, there is little need for people to buy physical copies of records from music stores. This could also have been a probable cause for decline in sales. It could not have been directly related to the decrease in popularity of the KNOW station.

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