Endless Confusion

[Lauren35]

Hi there,

So I've pretty much narrowed my choices down to 2 schools and I know they want me to make a decision soon. I am so torn, I keep going back and forth and have no idea how I'm going to choose. Sometimes I wish someone would just do it for me, I'm so worried I'm going to make the wrong choice. I'm just going to lay it all out and any advice or opinions are greatly appreciated.

Things to keep in mind: This is all for a Master's degree, I am not planning on going on to a PhD at this point, so any place I go I will only be there for 2 years. Also, while I am taking cost into consideration, my parents will be paying for all of my expenses (tuition, housing, living etc.), they just want me to be happy and go wherever I think is best. They told me not to make the decision based on money, but it's hard to ignore all the time. And yes, I realize how lucky I am to have this opportunity and plan on working at least part-time while in school.

School A: Prestigious and recognizable name, not terribly expensive but in a city where cost of living is very high. I am not a city person at all and would feel uncomfortable living there. Would give me the best opportunity of getting a good job in my field and although I'd probably be unhappy there, it's only 2 years. Also, it's closer to some people that I'd like to be near.

School B: Pretty unrecognizable school, reputation might prevent me from being able to get a good job in my field. However they have offered me an assistantship (with stipend) and tuition remission. In a very nice area in a part of the country that I think I would enjoy living in. I'd probably be happier overall spending the 2 years there but I'm not sure if it's worth the potential affect on my career.

So I guess what I'm asking is, should I just suck it up and go to the school that will give me the better career opportunities or take my chances with a virtually unknown program that would make life easier on me in the short term? I feel like because it's only 2 years and this will likely affect my job prospects for the rest of my life that the decision should be easy, but it's hard to pass up things like an assistantship and a more pleasant lifestyle. Even now when I'm writing this is seems like a no-brainer, but I really wanted some other opinions. Thanks!

Edited April 5, 2010 by Lauren35

[cybe2001]

So... do you want to be a big fish in a big pond or a big fish in a small pond? The pond itself might attract more employers, but the small pond would definitely give you the chance to excel; to get some pretty awesome letters of recommendation, etc. -- given that you've got potential that is, which seems obvious from having been accepted in a prestigious university.

So why not be happy AND work towards a career?

[Jae B.]

As a urban / city person who became accustomed to rural areas, is there any chance you could become more open-minded about city life?

I don't think you can go wrong either way, but school A sounds better for your long-term goals. I still think you could have a great experience there.

[nessadub]

I can say that being in a safe place as a woman has been very important to me. Especially if you are a student in your twenties, I think it is important to feel safe and accepted at the school and city where you are living. Having a fully funded offer feels very accepting to me...It sounds like you have financially supportive parents. I'd say if you have emotionally supportive family and friends you might try and stretch yourself with the big city. If you are prone to depression/anxiety or have doubts whatsoever I would go with the small school. mid to late twenties the emotional and physical shit tends to hit the fan. If you want to stir things up go to the big city and enjoy the ride. If you need to fortify your emotional foundation, go to the small school. The self-confidence of having a funded program will go a long way.

For myself, coming from a rough background I had a lot of things I needed to heal. I took time at a small liberal arts college and 'found myself.' If I had been raised in a supportive environment I could have stretched myself and gone for a bigger pond. That said either choice will be a positive move in the right direction! Good luck and let us know what you decide!

[cybe2001]

If you are prone to depression/anxiety or have doubts whatsoever I would go with the small school. mid to late twenties the emotional and physical shit tends to hit the fan. If you want to stir things up go to the big city and enjoy the ride. If you need to fortify your emotional foundation, go to the small school.

Wow, this conversation took a very sharp turn to psychology... makes my comment look like a callous-rationalist one. Thanks for sharing though!

[origin415]

If you go to a school in a big city, you can always live outside of the city and commute in. Research commuter rail for your city, for instance NYC has LIRR, Metro North, and NJ Transit, and Chicago has Metra. If you got an apartment somewhere in the suburbs you could take the train in and out every day without worrying about traffic and parking. Then you'll just feel uncomfortable while you are at school, if at all.

[Lauren35]

Wow, this conversation took a very sharp turn to psychology... makes my comment look like a callous-rationalist one. Thanks for sharing though!

This is exactly what I need! Thanks to everyone for their responses, I really appreciate it. I feel that like is what I'm fighting with - the rationalist side vs. the emotional side. nessadub had it spot on with the psychology stuff, I did not have a good time in undergrad, miserable actually, because it was the wrong place for me and that has left me a sort of angry and unhappy person to be around. I feel like going to school B would be best for my mental health and overall well-being, but since when did going to grad school become about that? I know it's not, it's about getting a job afterwards, that is why I'm so confused. I am going to be visiting both schools this week and I'm going to try to ask some questions to get a better idea of what things will look like in 2 years for me. If I can get a job going to school B then I have a feeling I'd rather do that. I just don't want to regret passing up an opportunity like school A. I totally agree with what cybe2001 said though, about being a big fish in a little pond and being able to excel, it seems like they really want me at school B and that if I put a lot of effort in that I could make it work for me. Thanks so much to everyone and I'll give an update once I get back from all my travels to the schools!

[portionsforf0xes]

If it were me, I'd go with school B. But then again, the financial aspect is more of an issue to me than it seems to be for you. But even though it's only two years, if it's in a place you know you'll be happy in, I'd still go with B.

[medanthrograd]

If school A makes you unhappy to the point that you might drop out of school, or become severely depressed, than of course school B is a better fit!

But if you can survive, be reasonably unhappy (meaning only sometimes unhappy...) for two years and find a way to make it work by living out of the city (as mentioned by origin415), than it might be worth it...

If you are lucky enough to have parents supporting you, the assistanceship should not, in my view, influence your opinion too much. Plus you might be able to get a job on campus at school A too, once you get there...

Keep in mind that admissions decisions are made in each department, unlike in college. If they accepted you, in both places, it is because they REALLY want you! You will be embeded in one department, have a smaller cohort and a somewhat structured curriculum, which is quite different from college.

Good luck with your decision, and keep us posted!