PhD while Married w/ Children

[shookienewman]

Hi All,

I want to be a professor, though I have a healthy skepticism about entering academia. That being said, I only applied to highly ranked programs given the competitiveness of the job market. These programs are also very much in line with the type of research that excites me.

The closest program is 3 hours from where I currently live, and where my husband currently works (going on 8 years). My husband has been extremely supportive throughout, but we're struggling to figure out logistics to support both our careers and our young family.

The way I see it, we have a few options:

• We can uproot our lives for my PhD, costing my husband career advancement (when he's been asked to assume a new leadership position).
• We can live apart - We lived apart during my masters, but that seems really undesirable given the length of a PhD and the fact that we now have children (toddler age).
• I can quickly apply for some lower ranked programs closer to our area, with an understanding that I may not get to be a professor (probably ending up doing adjunct work instead). 

I'm not really interested in life advice. I am interested in hearing about others' experiences. How have others navigated these types of family considerations?

 

[amyvt98]

Hi there - I am also married with children, and enrolling in a PhD program has been a career change for me. I briefly considered applying to a few CHYMPS schools that would require me to live away from home during the week. Eventually, I decided that the combination of the expense of maintaining two residences plus five years away from the family made that option impractical for me.  I wound up at my first choice (ranked in the 20-40 range), which is about an hour commute from where I live. As you know, getting hired out of school is iffy at best, but in the end, I decided to go the route that would provide minimal disruption for the family. So far, I don't regret it.  

Logistically, things aren't that different from commuting for any other job. I spend less time on campus compared to others in my cohort so that I can maximize time at home (usually that means sitting on the sofa reading for a class while my son sits next to me and watches Survivor). It really is just like another job - my coworkers are just a lot younger than I am

I hope this helps! Let me know if you have any specific questions - I'm happy to try and answer. 

[shookienewman]

Thanks @amyvt98. I appreciate hearing about your experience - I'm still thinking on it, and will let the board know where I land. Thanks again!

[swtster]

I am currently struggling with the same dilemma sans kids. We are newlyweds and my husband is working at his dream job with lots of potential for growth and advancement. I would hate to ask him to leave and we know we want to settle in the city we are in now.

Unfortunately, my top choice program is 10 hours away. At the moment, we are open to doing long distance again (we did it during our residencies) but we also want to start a family in the near future.

If I am offered admission, I was thinking about asking about relocation assistance for my husband, i.e. we want to see if he can apply for a position at the university's hospital, or at the very least, a travel stipend to allow us to see each other more frequently. 

[avidnote]

Out of curiosity, why wouldn't be possible for you and your husband to find a new city that has the opportunities that you are looking for as well as the opportunities that your husband is seeking? There's a bunch of big metropolitan cities that could offer both, no?