How do I tell my scholarship advisor about my depression issues?

[swak2001]

Fall semester of 2019 was very rough for me. I was depressed; still am, and I couldn't find the energy to go to class or even leave my apartment. It didn't help that all I saw and heard from my fellow classmates were judging faces and whispered insults about how lazy they thought I was. Due to these issues, I did not do well at all, in fact I failed. I'm under a scholarship, and I don't know how to explain to them what happened. I really need help. I just feel really ashamed that I am depressed, and no one around me can help. My family makes me feel even more depressed and they can't help me. So if anyone can tell me how I can explain these issues to my advisor, I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

[rayatheking]

Have you sought any help for your problems? Your school should have a counsellor or psychiatrist, or some mental health services. Schedule an appointment with a therapist and start from there. Not only will it be helpful for your depression, you should be able to get some letter from them asking for some leeway for some time at least. 

[ydzhu]

I came upon this post and wanted to express my sincere apologies for what you're going through. Do know that depression is a medical diagnosis with treatment options available from professionals. I would recommend seeking treatment if you haven't already. Most programs have established mental health centers for students and faculty. I personally went through something similar as a medical student. My school was very responsive in granting me remediation options when applicable and also in giving me time off (aka leave of absence) sanctioned by my treating medical doctor. I recommend keeping in touch with your professors and letting them know of your circumstances so they can help you the best way they know how.

Though my situation ultimately led me to drop out of school halfway, I was able to recover and-after a few years of working- am now applying to PhD programs, which in retrospect may have been a better fit for me after all. I guess what I'm trying to say is that what you're going through is not uncommon and the most important thing to remember is that things will get better with time.

Hope this helps and hope you're able to find the help you need to get back on your feet. As a scholarship recipient, I'm sure you're a strong student to begin with. 

Edited January 2, 2020 by ydzhu

[xxxxxxxxxx]

I am so sorry for what you’re going through, OP. As others have mentioned, reaching out and seeking out immediate care from a mental health provider (Ideally: a Clinical or Counseling Psychologist) should be your first step. Stigma and other barriers for mental healthcare are real (and as a future provider myself, extremely frustrating and difficult) but you should NOT feel shame or guilt for needing help, or for anything that has transpired over the last months. Be kind to yourself. Your university should have a counseling center set up, and you should request for an appointment immediately. If your university does not have this resource available, try looking at psychologytoday.com and other resources online for locating a provider ASAP.

In the mean time, from now until when you establish regular appointments, request to meet with your advisor individually. Do not divulge any details through e-mail, simply state you would like to meet with them and provide updates on some recent personal matters, academic updates, and that you’ve developed a pathway forward and you would appreciate their mentorship. Next, create a list of things you’re upset about and or would like to work on (i.e., maybe grades received, assignments you didn’t do so well on) and then create a separate column on what you will do to alleviate the situation. Use this time to also create boundaries between yourself and your family members, you need the space, they do not understand how challenging graduate school can be, and until you have started to work with a provider, it’s best to distance yourself from them.
 

Again, be kind with yourself. There are always solutions to our problems, even the most complex and difficult ones. Our mood, self-esteem and psychiatric symptoms (especially those that are depressive in nature) unfortunately cloud our judgement and make us catastrophize stressful situations. 

[Lisa_McCoy]

Hey, swak2001, firstly congratulations on seeking help on this forum. I know, as someone, who has been and still sometimes do find myself in the situation that you do, it is not easy to speak openly and ask for help. It is also not the easiest thing to do. AS for family, it is important that you take care of yourself while you communicate your state of reality to them. If you find that you are extremely disappointed, hurt or exhausted after having to communicate to your family about the reality of your situation, maybe you need to take a break from them. Also even though this might be uncalled for, small ideological and traumatic violences begin at home and perhaps you also need to find your own tribe and community outside of traditional definitions of home. Something that helped me while i was attempting to talk to my guide was having at least some of my facts right while understanding my own condition. I read a lot of fiction by David Foster Wallace and Woolf and also basic psychological work like ones on Cognitive Psychology before i met my guide. One thing is also to know the benefits and privileges you are guaranteed under the programs and like others mentioned, meet a counsellor that should be part of your university. Until then sending you a lot of warmth and many hugs. 

[GregF]

On 1/2/2020 at 11:18 PM, xxxxxxxxxx said:

I am so sorry for what you’re going through, OP. As others have mentioned, reaching out and seeking out immediate care from a mental health provider (Ideally: a Clinical or Counseling Psychologist) should be your first step. Stigma and other barriers for mental healthcare are real (and as a future provider myself, extremely frustrating and difficult) but you should NOT feel shame or guilt for needing help, or for anything that has transpired over the last months. Be kind to yourself. Your university should have a counseling center set up, and you should request for an appointment immediately. If your university does not have this resource available, try looking at psychologytoday.com and other resources online for locating a provider ASAP.

In the mean time, from now until when you establish regular appointments, request to meet with your advisor individually. Do not divulge any details through e-mail, simply state you would like to meet with them and provide updates on some recent personal matters, academic updates, and that you’ve developed a pathway forward and you would appreciate their mentorship. Next, create a list of things you’re upset about and or would like to work on (i.e., maybe grades received, assignments you didn’t do so well on) and then create a separate column on what you will do to alleviate the situation. Use this time to also create boundaries between yourself and your family members, you need the space, they do not understand how challenging graduate school can be, and until you have started to work with a provider, it’s best to distance yourself from them.
 

Again, be kind with yourself. There are always solutions to our problems, even the most complex and difficult ones. Our mood, self-esteem and psychiatric symptoms (especially those that are depressive in nature) unfortunately cloud our judgement and make us catastrophize stressful situations. 

Absolutely agree with your words. Especially about mental health providers. I was depressed several times and counsellors helped me a lot. Also, I can recommend you to read this book "Against Depression" Peter Kramer. This book also was like a counsellor for me at that time.