Asking Significant Other to Move Out-of-State?

[Cheeseman]

Preface: I'm not sure if there is a thread elsewhere, but if you know if one please drop it below. Thanks! 

Context: So if I am able to secure a GAA, I'll be committing to a Georgia State University. My boyfriend and I currently live in Buffalo, NY so making the move out to Atlanta is a new region. We are only like 1 year into our relationship. so things are still quite new. We seem to be great at communicating things, but this topic seems a bit out there. I understand that ir is a lot to ask of someone to move far out. Any experience/tidbitds/advice you can share would be greatly appreciated. 

Thanks in advance! 

 

[PsyDuck90]

I would just be open and honest. Maybe broach the topic by sharing that you got accepted and will be moving to Atlanta at X time, and you would like to know his thoughts on the status of the relationship going forward. You would like for him to move with you, but you understand that is a big ask. Would he prefer trying long distance first? And so on. Did you discuss anything like this before applying? Maybe he's also been thinking about it since he knew there was a possibility grad school would require a move on your part. 

[Cheeseman]

Thanks for your insight. Yeah, I've been pretty intentional on including him on the conversation early on in the application process, talking about some of our "must haves" in a new city. It seemed like he was geared to go and excited about Atlanta, and then last night he made a brief comment about how he'd love me if he had to stay in NY and I'd go. I think we'd both be open to a long distance relationship, it's just the comment threw me off a bit I guess. I may be looking too much into it. Time will tell.  

[PsyDuck90]

Yeah, it's definitely not an easy conversation. Once you know for certain that you're moving, just use the sharing of that good news as a way to discuss what the next 2+ years will look like for the two of you. I would maybe emphasize that you do not want him to make any decisions he is uncomfortable with and that you are in no way pressuring him to move with you. Otherwise, you should be fine. 

[ajak568]

The most important thing is to make sure you clearly lay out how you feel and what your preferences are. Your boyfriend will have to make his own decision about whether to move or not, but in any case you want to make sure you've communicated where you stand. I know it's a big transition. Sending you well wishes. Best of luck!

[fiziks__]

I would say to keep continuing the conversation even when you feel like both of you had "made a decision." Although I am lucky that I actually am ending up in the same city as my girlfriend, before we knew that we would talk almost every two weeks about what our life plans were and how we envisioned those things playing out, whether we ended up in the same place or not. It just helped to know where we stood. When it was uncertain, it could be sad, it could be happy, and it was always a difficult conversation. But because we honestly communicated with each other there were know surprises and we were able to set realistic expectations.