Balancing work and family

[rooibos]

So, I just started my first week of grad school, and in all my courses, there is required group work. Some of it seems to be kind of low-pressure, but others are a lot more intense, requiring weekly meetings. My classes are also mostly mixed undergrad/grad classes, and it's expected that groups will be mixed-level, too.

I try really hard to schedule my reading and homework to leave my weekends free to spend with my wife, because we don't get to spend too much time together during the week. After spending a year apart from her, I feel that it's really important to do this, and in general, it seems to be a good policy. Even if I do have reading or homework to do during the weekends, I think that spending my weekends at home with her (rather than going to the library to study) works better for us.

Do you guys feel that it's appropriate for me to make this clear to my group partners from the outset? I'm fine with people coming to my place to work, and I'm more than fine with working with people's schedules during the week. I just feel like a douchebag for saying that I really don't want to come to campus on the weekends if it can be avoided at all.

Edited for clarity!

Edited August 28, 2010 by rooibos

[mudlark]

Don't feel like a douchebag! That sounds very reasonable. You don't need to be available 24/7, especially if you're making an effort to accomodate others within the limits you've set.

[poco_puffs]

I agree with mudlark. There's a chance that someone else in your group might have a work schedule they need to accommodate, but there's an even better chance that you'll be working with people who have fairly open schedules without jobs or families to work around. If anything, the people in your group might be grateful that there is an older member who has home space available for group work.

Priorities are priorities, and people generally understand that. If they don't, they probably have some deeper issues.

[anthropologygeek]

Well yes you can try but a lot of times people are busy during the week. What I do is I do school stuff sun thru Friday at 5. Then from 5 on Friday until Sunday is family time. Mind you I do chores and some evenings during the week but school has priority during that time. Mind you my assistant takes up 20 hours a week so if you don't have that you may have more flexibility.

[rooibos]

Well yes you can try but a lot of times people are busy during the week. What I do is I do school stuff sun thru Friday at 5. Then from 5 on Friday until Sunday is family time. Mind you I do chores and some evenings during the week but school has priority during that time. Mind you my assistant takes up 20 hours a week so if you don't have that you may have more flexibility.

Yeah, I don't have an assistantship to worry about right now, and during the week (Monday to Friday, 11-6) I'm usually on campus, regardless of whether I have class or not!

[rachaelski]

I think that it's okay to voice that to your groups. It's a good policy, my husband and I try to do a similar things as well.

Can I just say that I hate group projects?

[poco_puffs]

Can I just say that I hate group projects?

Yes.

I rarely had to do group projects for my undergrad majors, beyond small group work in classrooms. I can think of three major group projects from my six years of bachelor work, and only one of them was a positive experience. The other two groups were mostly slacking off, poor/no communication, backstabbing, credit-stealing, and general lack of group-ness. The one that happened in a military history class my last year of school involved this one guy who... ugh. He didn't just drop the ball, he launched the ball so hard at the ground it penetrated the earth's crust and left a smoking hole of destruction and despair.

Group work DOES have the potential to be good though, so I hope that in grad school people will kind of have their act together and understand that we're all in the same boat. I know mixed-level groups might make it tough, rooibos, but if you are super pro-active about communicating your scheduling needs then at least that should be taken care of.

I wish you the best of luck!

[geochic]

I also hate group projects and I also plan to make grad school a "job" of sorts.

I have two little ones at home. Earning my undergrad degree meant spending countless hours working outside of class- Not just on coursework but I worked at least 25 hours a week at several menial jobs to make my daycare payments. So more often then not I was up all night finishing coursework because my evenings were packed with mom duties. I opted to enroll in the program that required the least amount of work for my stipend (thankfully I had a lot of choices) because I need to have that time available for homework and studying- so I can make certain that my time away from campus is spent with my children. My weekly schedule is 8-430p in class/office and otherwise I'm with my kids and THAT'S FINAL!