Grad school can be socially stressful

[Archaeologist]

My field of study is archaeology.

When I was an undergrad, I was able to socialize with many of my professors. My undergrad research advisor hosted gatherings at her house every month, and I had the opportunity to attend and mingle with faculty and grad students. I always thought that I would do fine in grad school. The anthropology department had many grad students and many professors. I made many good friends in that department. Academics was a smooth ride, and I think it came with the great social atmosphere. I finished my undergrad with a senior thesis.

I got accepted into a master's program, and little did I know, the grad life I accepted was not what I excepted.

My advisor is the only professor in the program. There are a few other lecturers. A few of the other lectures quit before I arrived to my first semester.

There are a few other grad students to socialize with. There are 4 including me. My cohort is an ass.

I've been a grad student for a year, and not once has there ever been any kind of grad student/faculty gathering. The few friends I have made at my new home, are undergrads. My girlfriend whom I met at my new home, is an undergrad. It doesn't bother me that I hang out with undergrads. Its just that I wish there were good people who share similar academic interests as me.

I hardly communicate with my advisor. He has insulted the school I did my undergrad at, some of my professors at that school, and my colleagues at that school. And me.

The academic work is not stressful at all, even though my classes are unorganized and unstructured. I have made A's so far. I spend as little time on school work as possible.

I have grown lethargic to this scene because of the scene.

[Archaeo_Anon]

Am I misunderstanding your description of your program? There is only one professor? That seems weirdly small! Is it an interdepartmental program with additional faculty (and students) who just aren't directly affiliated with your specific program even though they participate, or is it really just the one guy?

Would there be any options for you to try to make social inroads with students and faculty in related departments (like Classics or Sociocultural Anth, Near Eastern Studies, etc)? Try checking out their departmental calendars for any lectures or other events that they may be hosting that will let you meet and interact with other grads with similar interests. What about people in your classes? Surely your classes must include students other than just the few in your program. Any chance of starting up a regular study group that would give you an excuse to grab a cup of coffee together and maybe shoot the breeze a little before/after? Once you're more acquainted you can find excuses to get together on a purely social basis.

Unfortunately in this kind of situation you're going to have to be pretty proactive about seeking out compatible people and finding ways of cobbling them into a social group. I know firsthand how painful it can be to be stuck in such an anti-social situation, so I wish you lots of luck!

[HappyCat]

Also, are there close-by schools with other MA programs? You may be able to join "groups" from other schools with similar interests. For example: NYU, Columbia, and CUNY Grad Center share an eighteenth century literature group. Could you socialize with grads at other schools?

I'm a bit surprised about the description of your grad program. Did you know what you were getting into when you applied? Did you research the school thoroughly before accepting?

[anthropologygeek]

Im sorry you are having an awful experience. I can assure you what you originally thought does exist. My undergrad was kinda separated from grad students. My masters was actually easier than my undergrad but the social scene was there. Good cohort and we had lots of fun. Now phd, its harder academically but social life is fun. As a cohort we have fun and hang out. Mind you when I say have fun and hang out its like once or twice a month which is perfect due to the rigors academically and time I spend with my spouse

[Archaeologist]

The department I'm in is different in that it is interdisciplinary with sociology and emergency management. There is no PhD program for the department, only master's.

I've been a grad student for a year now, and I'm just starting my second year.

I am proactive, I have made friends from other disciplines and from mine, but they are undergrads. Thats okay. I've known grad students during my undergrad who displayed an intellectually superior attitude, and those types were the jerks. I'm not that type. I'm also active in the anthropology club, and I'm also the only grad student in there.

I wish the graduate student scene was more active.

It's also a small school (c. 14,000). My cohort sucks up to our advisor to the extent of emailing him about my colleague's unfortunate academic/legal situation which happened overseas.

There is 1 professor (my advisor), and there are 3 lecturers in the department. 4 professors left before I arrived. I don't know why. My advisor notified me of this before I moved. I should have taken this as a warning,

I don't think I even have an office, more or less a desk at the office. I don't mind. I don't want to be around this toxic environment nor play my advisor's game.

I'm glad I have made a very good buddy and also am dating a great person.

But I'm all out of ideas. I've thought about transferring, but ethics and politics comes into consideration. I'm all out of ideas, and the only one left is to just to do the topic I want to do, whether or not my advisor says its a good idea. My other mentor approves of my topic. I just perceive this as yet another challenge to overcome.

Edited February 3, 2011 by Archaeologist

[Archaeo_Anon]

That really sucks. Sounds like a bad time all around to be in that program. I might ordinarily say this is the kind of situation you should try to transfer out of, but I'm assuming it's a 2-year Masters program which means you're half done, and a year is about how long it would take for you to go through the whole application process again to find another program anyway. If you've been trying everything you can to make friends in the graduate population and it hasn't been working after a year, I'm not sure what to tell you other than to focus on getting done and getting out.

A friend of mine is in the process of finishing her second (and final) year in a Masters program on the East Coast that she hates, in a place where she's miserable living, and where her only good friend is her S.O.; she's just been admitted to a PhD program at UC Davis, and needless to say, she's ecstatic. The vast majority of grad programs are not like the one you're stuck in; my own program is extremely friendly and non-competitive, and everybody makes a serious effort to include everyone else in most social goings-on. After watching my friend struggle through her Masters, I feel extremely lucky that the vibe is so awesome where I am. Just remember that things may suck now, but they will get better. As long as you can keep plugging along, it's only a matter of time before you're out of there and on to bigger and better things.

I wouldn't worry about the desk/office situation, though. That sounds pretty par for the course. Even in my program everyone (even the ABDs and TA/GSRs) has only a desk in a shared office.

[Archaeo_Anon]

But I'm all out of ideas. I've thought about transferring, but ethics and politics comes into consideration. I'm all out of ideas, and the only one left is to just to do the topic I want to do, whether or not my advisor says its a good idea. My other mentor approves of my topic. I just perceive this as yet another challenge to overcome.

I find it very worrisome that your advisor is against your thesis topic. Are you friendly enough with your other mentor to ask them to speak to your advisor on your behalf? It sounds like your advisor isn't very willing to work with you or compromise, and I'd be afraid that even if you finished your thesis on the topic you want to look into, they may flat out not accept it because they didn't want you to write on that topic in the first place, regardless of quality. This would leave you SOL in terms of getting your degree, and with another year gone by. My program had a student a few years ago not have his thesis accepted because he refused to make the changes requested by his committee, and when he raised a stink about it (and to be fair, he made some serious breaches in the process), he was kicked out without his Masters.

Try to get other faculty to advocate for you. If that doesn't work, I'm not really sure what to say. If it were me, I would certainly consider compromising on my end in order to get out as quickly as possible, but that's just me. What you decide is up to you.

Sounds like a no-win situation!

[E.C.D.]

haha at thinking you would be hanging out with cool people in grad school...it's full of nerds, social outcasts, and the socially awkward. Try to find a cooler department (psych, crim j, comm) to hang with - still dorks but at least they go out. i am in poli sci and it's a bunch of friggin' losers. 4 years of these clowns and i've had it. i have an undergrad GF too - good deal if you are good looking and cool enough to swing it - most grad students aren't. do your best to meet new people - join an intramural sports team or volunteer or something. and don't tell me you are too busy. if you have time to sit around and whine on here, you've got time to get out there and meet some new people.

[wtncffts]

haha at thinking you would be hanging out with cool people in grad school...it's full of nerds, social outcasts, and the socially awkward. Try to find a cooler department (psych, crim j, comm) to hang with - still dorks but at least they go out. i am in poli sci and it's a bunch of friggin' losers. 4 years of these clowns and i've had it. i have an undergrad GF too - good deal if you are good looking and cool enough to swing it - most grad students aren't. do your best to meet new people - join an intramural sports team or volunteer or something. and don't tell me you are too busy. if you have time to sit around and whine on here, you've got time to get out there and meet some new people.

Man, E.C.D., from this and all your other posts, you seem incredibly bitter about everything: your situation, department, fellow grad students, location. I wouldn't generalize about poli sci - where I did my MA there were a lot of fun and interesting people. Of course, being in grad school we're all 'nerds' to a certain degree, but there were plenty of outgoing, gregarious people. I don't really know what to say, but if your negativity and pessimism is this extreme, it would probably be better just to quit completely and take some time to think about what you want to do.

[Archaeologist]

I really don't have the heart to apply myself to academics anymore. It's so tempting to quit and work at this job that I've been interning and volunteering for on the side.

[Gravity]

I really don't have the heart to apply myself to academics anymore. It's so tempting to quit and work at this job that I've been interning and volunteering for on the side.

I'm in a similar situation - I made it through the M.A., and am not so convinced that a PhD would be a great idea. It is easier to get a job as an archy with a M.A., so if you can, go ahead and finish (a lot to ask, I know - if you don't believe me, check out my one and only topic post!). It is normal for people to do a PhD later, anyway, in archaeology. My adviser liked to insult my undergrad program and my colleagues... ugh. Not a good environment to try to be functional in. I was lucky with my cohort, though - they're all wonderful. Anyway, it is possible to get through, even with a horrible adviser. I would finish the M.A. then take some time to be a professional archy before even thinking about going for the PhD (more or less what I'm doing now).

I found that reading PhD Comics helped me get through - before I went to grad school, I never thought that the stuff in that strip actually happens!

[CSC]

I found that reading PhD Comics helped me get through - before I went to grad school, I never thought that the stuff in that strip actually happens!

So true. I just left a department dinner with a chest high stack of leftovers (after my faculty twisted my arm to do so). I also makes me feel better about my life when I realize the only time Ive left campus in two months is to go to the supermarket. Its nice to know Im not alone

[Archaeologist]

So true. I just left a department dinner with a chest high stack of leftovers (after my faculty twisted my arm to do so). I also makes me feel better about my life when I realize the only time Ive left campus in two months is to go to the supermarket. Its nice to know Im not alone

Department dinner? Must be nice!

I hate my school. The quality of my department is low. How do I go about formally quitting? I'm contemplating just making bad grades this semester so that I can get fired and have a reason to move and work.

I'm not desiring to leave because there is no department dinner here, but because the education is horrible. I am learning more from my internships and volunteering with the particular CRM firm I've been working/volunteering for over my breaks. I'm not happy here. i feel like I'm not getting what I should be getting out of the program. All of my anthropology classes consist mostly of undergrads (20 to 40) and a few grads (3 to 4). This is the reason why I take classes from other disciplines (geography and geology) that interest me and are relevant to my research methods. These are classes are much more challenging and interesting.

My advisor's other graduate student and my cohort, who arrived a semester before me, has had more opportunities because of his earlier arrival, his seniority. Because he got here earlier, he has been given more attention from my advisor and has been given the opportunity to supervise the lab and give lectures in the class I'm taking that's taught by my advisor. My advisor constantly speaks of him and his achievements in class of how his graduate student will soon get his PhD. My advisor even announced an irrelevant announcement in one class about his graduate student being part of a selection committee for selecting new faculty.

My TAing experience has been dull, consisting of number crunching. The graduate students in the department are suppose to be paired with an instructor for their graduate career. I was switched to another professor after TAing for another. A new incoming graduate student has been paired with the professor I first TA'd for. I never give lectures. I just post exam results online. The professor I'm TAing for this semester seems to have no clue what he's doing. It seems like this was the first intro class he has taught, and he approaches the 150 student class as if it were 30 student class. The exams given are inconsistent. The first exam had a few errors that screwed up the electronic grading (duplicate questions and answers). The second exam was changed to have 2 versions of the exam. Because the instructor was unaware that his exam had 2 versions, because apparently the secretary changed it, the class will grade their own exam. I suggested that I grade them all by hand and post the results immediately, but that's not going to happen. I feel sorry for the students at this university, particularly those taking courses in anthropology. However, I get paid bi-monthly.

I'd rather be volunteering out in the field and learning stuff rather than getting paid for putting grades in a grade book.

I'm also contemplating whether or not I should share this with my undergrad research advisor. We worked very well together, and she helped me with a lot. I know she is going through some hardship right now with family and her grad students. I just don't know what to say when staying in touch with her. So far I've kept my news light and positive with her. I just don't want to let her down.

Edited February 28, 2011 by Archaeologist