Telling advisor/someone else that you're "too busy"

[InquilineKea]

Do you feel dishonest when you tell your advisor/someone else that you're too busy to do things for a week or two, even though you're still using up some time to relax/have fun in those two weeks?

I sometimes feel that way. There's really no easy way for me to completely stop checking google reader/reddit/a few forums for several weeks. Certainly, I can try reducing the time I spend on those things, but I do feel that *in theory* there is a point where I'm only checking those things when I'd otherwise be inefficient (certainly, though, *in practice*, that is not the case, and I still probably waste several hours a day on the Internet because I'm not trying hard enough to stop doing that).

[HappyCat]

Do you feel dishonest when you tell your advisor/someone else that you're too busy to do things for a week or two, even though you're still using up some time to relax/have fun in those two weeks?

I sometimes feel that way. There's really no easy way for me to completely stop checking google reader/reddit/a few forums for several weeks. Certainly, I can try reducing the time I spend on those things, but I do feel that *in theory* there is a point where I'm only checking those things when I'd otherwise be inefficient (certainly, though, *in practice*, that is not the case, and I still probably waste several hours a day on the Internet because I'm not trying hard enough to stop doing that).

I would never do that. Frankly, I try to stay busy because I fall into a rut in which I do nothing but watch television and meander online. It makes me irritable, depressed, want to go out less, and less focused. It's one thing to take a day to regroup, but at that point I would shoot my adviser an email and tell him I'm ready to help out, do work, etc.

I also wonder if there's a correlation between your other post about asking others to repeat themselves in conversation and not focusing by doing extraneous web-browsing etc. Again, I find myself less focused when I spend an inordinate amount of time online.

I suppose the way I view it is this: If I feel dishonest/guilty, then I'm doing something that I shouldn't be (according to my own moral and ethical codes), so I don't do it. Simple as that.

Edited February 5, 2011 by Geekoric

[dogbert]

I would never do that. Frankly, I try to stay busy because I fall into a rut in which I do nothing but watch television and meander online. It makes me irritable, depressed, want to go out less, and less focused. It's one thing to take a day to regroup, but at that point I would shoot my adviser an email and tell him I'm ready to help out, do work, etc.

I also wonder if there's a correlation between your other post about asking others to repeat themselves in conversation and not focusing by doing extraneous web-browsing etc. Again, I find myself less focused when I spend an inordinate amount of time online.

I suppose the way I view it is this: If I feel dishonest/guilty, then I'm doing something that I shouldn't be (according to my own moral and ethical codes), so I don't do it. Simple as that.

Agreed. But I wouldn't necessarily say I stay busy to avoid feeling guilty (my Catholic upbringing makes me feel guilty about oodles of things, haha)... But I try to stay busy at all costs--mainly because being productive is one of the only ways that I feel content and/or fulfilled. It's the most effective coping mechanism I've discovered.

[Eigen]

People tell their advisors they're too busy for things? For several weeks at a time? That's not how I've seen the boss -> employee relationship work.

My boss knows that I've got 4 or 5 projects I'm juggling, but if he asks me to do something and it's important/time sensitive, I push something to the back burner to make time for it. Or I have a really, really busy week. I mean, I could see telling him my plate is full and I'll try to work his new request in ASAP, but...

Is this because your boss is overloading you with projects/changing priorities? IE, giving you one project, then telling you he has another he needs you to look at? Or is this project time for your boss vs. coursework, etc.

[fuzzylogician]

Do you feel dishonest when you tell your advisor/someone else that you're too busy to do things for a week or two, even though you're still using up some time to relax/have fun in those two weeks?

No.

If it helps make you feel better, block out some time in your calendar for "relaxation" so it's not free anymore. You can't just work all the time, you also need to rest, and you shouldn't feel bad about not devoting ALL of your time to juggling assignments.

I suppose it also depends on your relationship with your advisor. Mine knows that I'm very productive and work hard, so if I say I can't something done in X time he knows it's not because I'm out partying. I don't feel bad if I take some time off to rest and recover (or, frankly, go out once in a while) that I could have, in principle, used to do more work. It's possible, under deadlines and unusual circumstances, to spend large amounts of time on a project but you may find that there are too many of those too and you need to put your foot down and start saying 'no' when the work gets too intense. Overworking is just not a good way of doing things in the long run. It took me quite a while to learn this form of being assertive and, in a sense, less generous with my time (especially as a young female student working mostly with men, though that could be a topic for an entirely different post), but it's essential for a healthy life as a grad student and beyond. Again, grad school is a marathon, not a sprint.

[InquilineKea]

Thanks for all the responses so far!

Well, I'm still an undergrad, so there are some weeks where my courseload is more intense than other weeks. So generally, they understand more. But this still doesn't always prevent me from wasting time.

I mean, okay, maybe the guilt isn't the main issue here (the guilt is over past incidents). The main issue is whether or not people will think that you're dishonest when you say that you'll do things that you might end up not doing (or that you'll do them by a certain day and then you might have to extend it due to various issues that have arised). This seems to happen in academic contexts more than other contexts. Certainly, I've said that I'll take course X when I ended up dropping it, for example

[HappyCat]

Agreed. But I wouldn't necessarily say I stay busy to avoid feeling guilty (my Catholic upbringing makes me feel guilty about oodles of things, haha)... But I try to stay busy at all costs--mainly because being productive is one of the only ways that I feel content and/or fulfilled. It's the most effective coping mechanism I've discovered.

Yup, Catholic upbringing here, too.

[HappyCat]

Thanks for all the responses so far!

Well, I'm still an undergrad, so there are some weeks where my courseload is more intense than other weeks. So generally, they understand more. But this still doesn't always prevent me from wasting time.

I mean, okay, maybe the guilt isn't the main issue here (the guilt is over past incidents). The main issue is whether or not people will think that you're dishonest when you say that you'll do things that you might end up not doing (or that you'll do them by a certain day and then you might have to extend it due to various issues that have arised). This seems to happen in academic contexts more than other contexts. Certainly, I've said that I'll take course X when I ended up dropping it, for example

When I deem the reasons legitimate (e.g. my mother was very sick and I had to go visit them and miss classes, assignments, etc), then I don't feel guilty. That said, I finish the work almost immediately when the issue is fixed. If I'm just being lazy, then, yes, I feel guilty and then I remedy it. EDIT: And I consider it dishonest to say you're busy if you're not. But as I said in an earlier post--Catholic upbringing!

Sometimes I get a brain-freeze and can't work on a particular academic thing--like my thesis--for some time. But then I find something else that I can do to help me get through my brain freeze (clean, cook, work on another assignment, etc).

Edited February 6, 2011 by Geekoric

[fuzzylogician]

The main issue is whether or not people will think that you're dishonest when you say that you'll do things that you might end up not doing (or that you'll do them by a certain day and then you might have to extend it due to various issues that have arised). This seems to happen in academic contexts more than other contexts. Certainly, I've said that I'll take course X when I ended up dropping it, for example

If you say you'll do X intending not to do it, that's dishonest. If you say you'll do X, try hard but don't make it in time and need an extension - that's not dishonest. Depending on the situation the question may arise why you didn't finish on time. It's possible that the expectation that you would be able to finish on time just wasn't realistic, or that you should have been able to do it and you either slacked off or need to learn better time management skills, or that you had a particularly difficult week with other things that unexpectedly increased your workload, or that you were sick, or that the task was more complicated than the prof anticipated, etc.. There could be many reasons, some justifiable, some less. It's not dishonest not to make a deadline, but you should identify the difficulty in time and consult with the prof about getting help and/or extending the deadline.

And again, I don't think you should be working non-stop or feeling bad about taking reasonable breaks. Not every waking hour should be devoted to work.

(Edit: I also don't understand why you think that dropping a class is dishonest. It's just part of how academia works.)

Edited February 6, 2011 by fuzzylogician

[Eigen]

My pattern is to work like a horse for 5 days a week. Granted this isn't a grad program, I'm in the lab getting stuff done at early hours. In the past when I had course work I'd get up at 6 AM, eat, read and study....set out to the lab, put in all the required time to get things done. Come Friday I peace out for the weekend. I'll check my email and maybe do a tiny bit of small work from home, but when I'm with loved ones this is my time. Academic work is great, but there are other things in life that give me meaning and push me forward too. It's a reciprocal relationship between those things and my work output and productivity. As long as I put in the best faith effort I can during the week I feel ZERO qualms about peacing out on the weekend. I'm sorry, but that is how I plan on working as a grad student too. If that makes me a terrible person so be it.

Again, my undergrad advisor drilled it in my head....being a grad student is your job and treat it that way.

This.

I make sure I'm home for dinners with my wife (although I may go back after she goes to sleep), and I try to take the weekends off as much as possible. I really try to set a schedule for when I'm going to work and stick to it- a solid 8-12 hours a day, and weekends only if I have something that has to be done (cells that will die if not treated, etc).

Procrastinating/not working during the day, however, is another matter. I know there's always more I can pack in, if I go without getting online at all, don't take a break to get coffee or chat with my peers, eat lunch at my desk while I work, etc.

Edited February 6, 2011 by Eigen

[lolopixie]

If I have told my adv that I was busy, I was. Juggling ft work and ft MA program has been exhausting, and I am exhausted now - but I stick to my deadlines. Even if I am turning something in right on time - they get there. I completely understand that you just want to relax sometimes - I do it, but then the next day I have to make up for my slack. I've never told an adv that I was busy for mulitple weeks - other when I had surgery. Even then I had the laptop back in the bed after a few days.