Problems with Professors

[keepOnKeepingOn]

I have been in graduate school for more than two years. A little over a year ago, two obstacles occurred simultaneously which almost derailed my all my plans and could have led to serious personal problems. First, the jobs I had for a while (UPS graveyard shift and line cook for a couple different restaurants) were not generating enough income - I keep a tight budget, but I was slowly moving into financial crisis with mounting loans, insurance, rent, etc. This is all the while I was looking for a job in my field, which are still scarce (obvious economic climate then and now). Second, I have some personal issues I have been battling for my whole life, some self-inflicted and others out of my control. Increased stress and anxiety were bringing back many of these issues which I've had under control for many years.

These issues led me to speak with a professor (my advisor at the time) about possibly taking a leave of absence due to my situation. The dialog ended abruptly when she went on sabbatical, but also partly because I originally reached out to her only to let her know that I was thinking about putting things on hold (I never actually discussed any of my specific problems, but thought she should be informed). Also during this time, because my financial and personal crisis got me scared as hell, I met with a Navy recruiter to see what my options could be. The recruiter knew my situation, and we were honest with each other from the get go. I took the aptitude test and did very well. However, shortly after the test, and as I was taking any interviews that came my way, I got offered a job in my field. Pay wasn't great, but good enough and I had to take it. (still haven't quit one my jobs as a cook). Because I lost contact with the recruiter, he went to my school and spoke with a few people about me, including students and professors (I had signed a waiver giving the recruiter permission to get a copy of my student records so I could be enlisted as an officer).

Now the whole department thinks I am a lying fool. Here's why: I am now doing OK and for some reason they think I was lying about my problems to get sympathy. Here's how I know: A student and professor approached me after class and passive aggressively accused me of exaggerating my situation. The conversation went something like: "Oh, so you are working where now?" "You gave me the impression you were so poor you had to go into the military or something, I was worried but I can see now that everything is fine" "You used to dress like a working class guy but now you are in class in a tie, I wasn't sure what was going on" And on, and on, and on - Seriously. One student even told me she looked up my father and, since she thought he was well off, called me out - "You act working class, but I don't see it" (My father had almost nothing to do with my life until I was 20 years old, but I wasn't going to say anything about that). I just walk away with awkward smile on my face.

Now I am in my last class of graduate school, working on my thesis, every professor I come in contact with treats me like crap. I want to say something, to explain myself, but I don't know if it even matters. One professor spoke of my working on my master's thesis "Well, we need to get you out of here as soon as possible" I even had one professor ask me for a copy of a few of my sources because he wanted to "check my work and citations" - I mean accusations of plagiarism are huge, but since everything is passive aggressive, I can't confront any of these problems. I am shy guy, don't broadcast my life, but the one time I think it was appropriate to voice my problems, look what happens. What can I do? Just stick it out for the remaining months and get the heck out? Thanks for reading.

[kaykaykay]

I do not know your situation and your department so please forgive me if I am giving weak advise in any way. In a similar situation imagine I would go to the graduate secretary and I would actually discuss all what has happened (including that I am afraid that some people misunderstood the situation).. In my department the grad secretary is the person who knows everyone, everone's financial situation and can talk to professors and students alike. He is the holder of secrets and the best way to spread information if it is so needed. I know that there are other more official institutions in my university like ombutsperson whose job is to try to even things out if there are issues between students, professors and departments but I am afraid your conflict may not be overt enough for a semi official intervention. I am sure you can find out about the official and unofficial channels of help in your institution.

Wow, your classmates seem terrible. I had a similar experience when I was 16 (my family was not rich either) - but people are supposed to grow up at some point. Go with some of your more friendly friends to grab some dinner or drinks and explan your life, if you are not in a horrible situation any more and have time to do that. Maybe you are too closed and people are just guessing how to help you (get you out of the program fast?), how deep problems do you face and how long can you float. In my opinion any leak of information can ease your problems. Good Luck!

[wtncffts]

As to your last question, I would just stick it out, get the degree, and not look back. You can't let them beat you, especially since it seems you're so close to finishing.

I have to agree that the problem here just seems to be a bunch of terrible people. I can't believe that professors would act that way, nor that they would jump to conclusions just because you're doing better now than you were. I mean, that's a good thing, isn't it? What does wearing a tie have to do with anything? This behaviour sounds like high school, not a professional environment of mature advanced students and academics. I don't understand this complaint about 'lying to get sympathy'; from what you said, you weren't giving excuses or asking for special favours.

Obviously, I don't know the whole story, so there may be something else going on here. It might also be the case that you're perceiving slights or attributing motives to others which aren't there. But, as I said, I think you need to hang in there, get what you came for, and leave it behind.

[TMP]

Unless these classmates are going to decide your jobs in the future, ignore them. They haven't grown up enough to NOT say those things. They're so nosy. Tell them that your personal life isn't any of their business. Remember, people always looking for juicy gossip so don't give them anything new to talk about. Also, given the trend these days, it's easy for a lot of people to assume that parents are always helping their children. My parents barely helped and I lived below poverty line while in graduate school.

As for professors, what were their expectations of you? Did they expect you to become an academic? The issue could be that you didn't meet their expectations, especially as it seems like they're losing their trust in you.

How is the DGS? The departmental chair? Is there a way you can reach out to your adviser again? You sound like you need a strong support system right now. Get some friends whom you can really trust and just hang out, and let them ask questions and just be calm in your answers. I also suggest finding an outsider who can perhaps evaluate the situation more objectively and give you some guidance.

[keepOnKeepingOn]

Well, I appreciate all the replies. One problem is that I have not made any friends in graduate school. I only am there to get a degree, I am a bit shy, and I do not have time to socialize as I am commuter student who works more than full-time. There just aren't any people I would feel comfortable speaking to about this situation, even my original advisor who seemed partially sympathetic, but has been on sabbatical for a whole year.

These people believe I deceived them. They believe I lied about significant personal issues. I wish I could scream the truth, but I do not want to even acknowledge all this silliness and part of me would rather have them believe I lied than have them know the truth (or any more about my personal affairs). I really do not think it affects my grades, as I do above average work and put in a lot of effort. But I think those people who do have a problem with me cannot fully prove some of their allegations, and hopefully they do not have the time to be relentless in their pursuit of and criticism about something so insignificant and immature. Because the recent quick progression of my career, I think I some of my fellow students will be working for me, rather than the other way around ( and that sounds incredibly arrogant).

Thankfully I am almost through with my last class, but still fear who will be my assigned advisor and readers for my final thesis. I recently joined a conversation between two people also completing their thesis next semester. Both have received reactions from their proposals, and I have not. This is particularly troubling because I submitted my proposal almost a month before the deadline, and was told I would be the first in line (I did this on purpose to make sure I could speak with my assigned advisor ASAP to schedule meetings well in advance due to my own hectic schedule and dire need to plan far ahead). Yet, I know I was not the first in line, and I still have not heard. And I do not want to appear agitated in an email and phone call to the department....so I am just waiting and hoping.

I am a nice, honest person. I know this is an online forum and I understand that I could be construed as an ass, psycho, etc. But this dynamic has affected my entire graduate experience. I knew that my background and past experience would not completely or immediately gel with people in academia. But I never anticipated the unadulterated, passive-aggressive hostility. The silver lining is that it makes me appreciate my educational accomplishments that much more.

[rising_star]

Thankfully I am almost through with my last class, but still fear who will be my assigned advisor and readers for my final thesis. I recently joined a conversation between two people also completing their thesis next semester. Both have received reactions from their proposals, and I have not. This is particularly troubling because I submitted my proposal almost a month before the deadline, and was told I would be the first in line (I did this on purpose to make sure I could speak with my assigned advisor ASAP to schedule meetings well in advance due to my own hectic schedule and dire need to plan far ahead). Yet, I know I was not the first in line, and I still have not heard. And I do not want to appear agitated in an email and phone call to the department....so I am just waiting and hoping.

If you're trying to graduate, you need to email people and stress that you have not gotten feedback and need to so you can work on the project. Don't be passive about this.

[runonsentence]

Thankfully I am almost through with my last class, but still fear who will be my assigned advisor and readers for my final thesis. I recently joined a conversation between two people also completing their thesis next semester. Both have received reactions from their proposals, and I have not. This is particularly troubling because I submitted my proposal almost a month before the deadline, and was told I would be the first in line (I did this on purpose to make sure I could speak with my assigned advisor ASAP to schedule meetings well in advance due to my own hectic schedule and dire need to plan far ahead). Yet, I know I was not the first in line, and I still have not heard. And I do not want to appear agitated in an email and phone call to the department....so I am just waiting and hoping.

My advice, and take it as you will: go straight to the DGS. Do not pass "go," do not collect $200. Set up an appointment with the DGS, and then tell him/her the situation and that it's already affecting your thesis.

If it were me, I'd tell the whole story to the DGS, and tell him/her that because of some strange misperceptions associated with your personal life, you're finding it difficult to work with faculty. This is NOT something you need to stand. My own DGS is very invested in the success and happiness of all of us grads, reaching out to us individually even on occasion, and my boyfriend's DGS in the sciences was really helpful in clearing up an issue with his advisor (he felt he wasn't getting enough guidance), even going so far as to offer to help him analyze future data. Neither of us have/would regret going to our respective DGS on an issue like this; but I recognize that this could also be a product of our own departmental cultures.