Unsolicited advice from the 2010-2011 admissions cohort

[HyacinthMacaw]

I agree with a lot of the above points, and I would add this: Perhaps the healthiest thing one can do, and one way to practice self-compassion, is acknowledge that you are only just beginning your career. No one expects you to have published a whole slew of papers to advance the next trendy theory in psychology. You shouldn't expect the same of yourself, either. Recognize your capacity to grow, and work towards your goals without berating yourself. What would you say of the high school freshman who punishes himself for not completing enough Advanced Placement courses? Of the college student who chastises herself for not being promoted to lab manager after only her first year of study? Trust that you have the potential to succeed, however defined, and set SMART goals: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic (and Relevant) and Time-Sensitive. (I'm sorry to have put on my clinical psych hat for a moment.) The best way to build confidence in your potential, of course, is by achieving such goals, but it starts with having faith in the future rather than imposing corrosive expectations on yourself.

So we learn, we grow. That's how life goes. Developmental psychologists would be out of a job if human beings achieved everything they each wanted by age 10. Have confidence in your potential to grow and mature.

The harder thing to fathom, however, might be the inevitability of failure. We'll fall short at some point. But publishing that paper (or whatever you might expect of yourself at this point) would not have guaranteed your happiness just as a rejected or incomplete manuscript does not ensure your misery.

Success can lead to happiness, but I believe that you need happiness first in order to succeed. Being kind to yourself is a good place to start. Check out this article if you're interested: http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2005/dec/19/uknews

[neuropsychosocial]

[snip]

I just printed that out and will attach it to my refrigerator. You captured perfectly some of the feelings that I had in my master's program, when the self-doubt became almost destructive. In the end, I did very well by most objective standards, including research produced, but the anxiety and fear made the first year a miserable experience. Thank you for articulating your thoughts so well; I know that I will revisit them for reassurance!

[arkel]

I don't know if everyone will agree with this one, but I would advise:

Don't apply to any "safety schools".

Of course, you should apply to a wide range of schools, with some being more highly ranked than others. Yet, I think the term "safety school" has some negative connotations - you should only apply to schools that you would actually want to attend - those schools that are doing research you want to do, and that will allow you to achieve your life goals, whatever they might be.

At the time I applied, I was really excited about all of my schools, and would have been happy at any of them. There were some that I was more excited about, but at the end of the day, I wouldn't have felt like I had lost out if I ended up attending any of them.

[HyacinthMacaw]

I just printed that out and will attach it to my refrigerator. You captured perfectly some of the feelings that I had in my master's program, when the self-doubt became almost destructive. In the end, I did very well by most objective standards, including research produced, but the anxiety and fear made the first year a miserable experience. Thank you for articulating your thoughts so well; I know that I will revisit them for reassurance!

You're very welcome! I am very sorry that your success during your master's program came at such a high emotional cost. Perhaps you can take comfort in knowing that concerns about our competence are nearly universal and probably intensified in this line of work. Time's on our side, though, so I think we can afford to have faith in our future as long as we don't squander our opportunities--and, I suppose, as long as we understand that action, not thought, bridges the distance between dreams and reality.

Wishing you (and anyone else afflicted by the noxious combination of self-doubt and perfectionism) all the best.

[neuropsych76]

I don't know if everyone will agree with this one, but I would advise:

Don't apply to any "safety schools".

Of course, you should apply to a wide range of schools, with some being more highly ranked than others. Yet, I think the term "safety school" has some negative connotations - you should only apply to schools that you would actually want to attend - those schools that are doing research you want to do, and that will allow you to achieve your life goals, whatever they might be.

At the time I applied, I was really excited about all of my schools, and would have been happy at any of them. There were some that I was more excited about, but at the end of the day, I wouldn't have felt like I had lost out if I ended up attending any of them.

I agree with this. I applied to one school that accepted about half of its applicants and there was a decent research match there so I was like "awesome, at least i have a good shot getting in somewhere!" but realistically I would have dreaded if that was my only acceptance and I would have been in a predicament on whether to apply again or not.