Did I do it right?

[Roccoriel]

So I was planning to reject admission from one of my schools by midweek (it has to be in writing, so I need to mail it, write it, etc). But they called me today and told me about how much they enjoyed meeting me and asked for my decision. So I told them like it was and thanked them for the opportunity and said how nice it was to meet them too. And I really liked both schools, but it was a combination of factors, funding vs. no funding being far from the least. But I feel like a big jerk anyway. *sigh* I guess it's normal to feel this way, but I still feel like a big jerk, particularly because I really did like everyone I met at both schools.

[fox44]

I understand the feeling. We don't want to let anyone down. Let me encourage you, though, by saying that it is a normal part of the application process for a school to make an offer and then have it declined. In all likelihood there are no hard feeling from the program you turned down. They understand that you may have really liked their school but found a position that fit you better somewhere else. In fact, they were probably quite pleased to have your decision this early. By letting them know that you will decline their offer ASAP, it gives them a better chance to land a top student. It sounds like you did everything right to me.

If you feel confident that you made the right decision, then feel good about it--very, very good about it. Congrats on the admittances!

[wtncffts]

Well, I'm going to repeat what I've said here before: there's absolutely no need to feel bad about rejecting a school. You're rejecting an institutional offer, not a person or people. Of course there's no 'hard feelings', unless you think a professional department within a large bureaucracy is actually an oversensitive, emo teenager or something. You had two acceptances, you would have had to reject one. It's not Sophie's Choice, for crying out loud.

[NadaJ]

So, did you reject the school that didn't offer you funding and you now you feel bad? LOL, I'm sorry, maybe my cynical 30 year old self is showing, but do not feel bad! Like wtncffts said, it's not personal, it's an institution, and they will be able to carry on without you. Go where you like, be civil and kind, and keep it moving.

[pinot noir]

This thread probably gives us an idea of how they feel when they have to reject our applications. I'm sure it's tough on both ends

[RockDenali]

So I was planning to reject admission from one of my schools by midweek (it has to be in writing, so I need to mail it, write it, etc). But they called me today and told me about how much they enjoyed meeting me and asked for my decision. So I told them like it was and thanked them for the opportunity and said how nice it was to meet them too. And I really liked both schools, but it was a combination of factors, funding vs. no funding being far from the least. But I feel like a big jerk anyway. *sigh* I guess it's normal to feel this way, but I still feel like a big jerk, particularly because I really did like everyone I met at both schools.

Dude, you should have let them down more gently. Say something like, "It's not you, it's me. I'm just not ready for such a big committment at this time in my life." Tell them how beautiful they are and that they're gonna find someone better anyway. "I don't deserve you" is a nice thing to add. Of course, there will still be a lot of tears. This is normal. After a week or so, once they meet some new people, their wound (left by you) will slowly begin to heal. Who knows? In a year, maybe you'll meet them at a bar somewhere, or a coffee shop, and you can sit down, smile, and laugh about the good times you were able to share.

The real question is: Are you ready to forgive yourself and move on?

[adinutzyc]

Ok....

Dude, you should have let them down more gently. Say something like, "It's not you, it's me. I'm just not ready for such a big committment at this time in my life." Tell them how beautiful they are and that they're gonna find someone better anyway. "I don't deserve you" is a nice thing to add. Of course, there will still be a lot of tears. This is normal. After a week or so, once they meet some new people, their wound (left by you) will slowly begin to heal. Who knows? In a year, maybe you'll meet them at a bar somewhere, or a coffee shop, and you can sit down, smile, and laugh about the good times you were able to share.

The real question is: Are you ready to forgive yourself and move on?

Edited March 26, 2011 by adinutzyc