The art of declining an offer

[espoir12]

So I got 5 great offers. When I applied to the schools I hadno particular preference, I would’ve been happy to attend any one of them, sothis decision has been extremely difficult.

I’ve finally made a decision I’m happy with (let’s say SchoolA), but because I’ve already established relationships with some of the POIs atother schools (some of them have actually called me or even treated me to acoffee and conversation), I wanted to let them know I wouldn’t be accepting theiroffers before I accepted School A’s offer. I thought this would be thecourteous thing to do, to give them a heads up, but instead they’ve taken it asme not having made a final decision and are trying to convince me to stillconsider their school. I guess I should’ve seen that coming…

Anyway, two schools haven’t accepted my letter of declineand have instead offered more funding. I don’t want to go back to square onewith my decision (also the funding still doesn't match School A's), but is it bad etiquette to accept A’s offer and then justtell the other schools “Sorry, I already accepted?” All of the POIs are prettyimportant people in my rather small field of specialization, so I definitelydon’t want to rub anybody the wrong way or make it seem like I didn't seriously consider their offer.

Thanks!

[jprufrock]

It's okay to just reiterate that you've made a choice that works in your best interest. You could also say that you had a really difficult decision and that your decision is based on things that are out of the control of the departments you're declining (resources, fit, location, family concerns, cost of living etc).

If you're sold on school A's offer (with better funding), then don't waver. Besides, with the better funding you can get a keyboard with a reliable space bar

[natsteel]

It's not required that you decline all your other offers before accepting the one you want. If you had accepted A's offer and then emailed the other schools and told them that, they would not have bothered to come up with extra funding. Your best bet is to accept the offer you want, and then inform the other programs that you "have already accepted another offer." You're not required to give reasons but if you don't want to take a chance on alienating the other POIs, you can always say something like jpufrock said, "After much deliberation, I must decline your offer of admission as I have already accepted another offer." Don't forget to thank the POIs that gave you extra time and departments which gave you a second, improved offer for doing so. They know how it is... most, if not all, will not hold it against you. But it's better to decline their offers definitively sooner rather than later, because they may have a waiting list. Good luck!!

[espoir12]

Haha jprufrock, not sure why it came out that way. My space bar's usually fine.

I took both of your advice. I just accepted the offer I wanted and sent emails to the other POI's thanking them for everything and explaining my choice. It feels very liberating. On the other hand, I'm kind of afraid to check my inbox and see their responses.

Thanks!