Major family emergency--how do I cope?

[foreverastudent]

Hi,

Not sure why I'm posting this. Maybe someone can relate.

As we all know, the first semester of grad school is really stressful, as you adjust to a new school, new colleagues, an exponentially advanced curriculum, etc.

I just found out that my mom has cancer, and the prognosis isn't good. Fortunately, I'm nearby, so I can be with her. But I feel like my studies have been shot to hell. Instead of trying to succeed, I'm trying to survive. And I'm barely doing that.

Anyone have any words of advice, or similar experiences?

[rising_star]

Talk to your professors about the possibility of taking an incomplete in your courses so you have time to complete the work later. You may also want to talk to your advisor and/or Director of Graduate Studies about the possibility of taking a semester of leave in the spring so that you can spend time with your mother. Sorry you have to deal with this. Good luck with everything.

[nowikissyou]

Check if your school provides some sort of counseling/health service that you can use. They are generally free and may help you not just with "regular" therapy (only you can assess whether you can benefit from it or not) but especially by pointing out whatever solutions you might have to solve your current academic difficulties and still spend some time with your mother. They can also act as an ombudsman to help explain your situation to your department/professors/school board, etc.

Best of luck to you and your mom.

[natasha_fawn]

I had a similar emergency my senior year of undergrad while preparing for grad school. You've gotten good advice so far. Talk to whoever you feel comfortable talking to about it, which will hopefully include your advisor and/or your program director. Take advantage of campus counseling services. Remember that no one is going to judge you for taking incompletes or if you take some time off to be with your mom. On the other hand, don't let anyone pressure you into taking time off or incompletes if you don't want to. Some people need work to help them stay sane.

Take care of yourself however is best for you. This is really, really important. Spend time with friends. Be sure they know what you need from them- comfort, laughter, a shoulder to cry on, whatever.

Do spend time with your mom. Don't let her illness become the focus of your relationship or the time you spend together, but whatever you do, don't let yourself regret not spending enough time with her. Have fun together.

Remember: You're not alone. You have faculty in your program who will understand and help you figure out what to do. You have friends who will do whatever they can to help. Do what works for you.

Your mom is lucky to have you nearby. Good luck to both of you.