Taking Time Off

[Stephani673]

hi all,

I'm new here and desperately need some advice.

I am about to start the second year of a doctoral program. I've been through two master's programs already (MLS, MA History) with the goal of working in a library/historical society/museum. I also have a pretty serious medical condition so, for the last 12-13 years, my life has been a continuous cycle of academic programs-hospitalization. The year before I started my program was pretty awful -- I lost my dad to prostate cancer, my aunt died the previous spring, two family friends passed away, a complication with exploratory surgery perforated my intestines and led to collapsed lungs, and a second procedure 6 months later also led to perforated intestines.

Rather than taking time off before the program started, my family and my department chair pushed for me to start in the fall. It didn't hurt that one of the last conversations I had with my dad was to tell him that I had gotten in with full funding.

This Spring semester my mom had heart surgery (with complications) and I've been taking care of her, my 95 year old grandfather, 4 dogs, and my sister who has MS (on weekends) while going to school full-time, working as a research assistant at my univ., and teaching at a local college.

If I continue for another year, I'll have completed all the coursework required to take quals so I'll be ABD. On the one hand, it could mean a pay boost at my current job, assuming the pay increase doesn't force them to let me go. On the other hand, my dad's death and my own health issues brought the value of time into sharp relief for me. I'm increasingly aware of just how much time I've lost between school and illness.

The other part of it is that I'm just exhausted. I haven't had time off in years. When I'm on break from one program, I'm still teaching. Or there are other commitments. My illness also causes severe fatigue so the effort of getting up and going to classes/teach is draining.

I'm about 98% convinced to email my director and ask for the year off so I can rest and regroup. The problem is, I don't know how to do it. Last fall the grad program director rearranged my schedule to independent studies and online because I was in the hospital for the first month of the semester and couldn't physically be there. I did well in the classes I took from her, but my spring semester wasn't exactly stellar because I was so stressed/distracted/tired/sick. I'm just afraid they're going to be sick of dealing with my situation and I'll lose funding/reputation when I come back.

Any suggestions on how to phrase the email asking for time off? Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

Stephanie

[MoJingly]

Hi Stephanie,

Sorry to hear of all these troubles. As far as phrasing the email is concerned, I wouldn't worry too much. If the grad program director had already been working with you to rearrange your schedule she probably already understands the severity of your situation. Don't worry about whether or not they will get "sick of dealing with you." If they do, then move on. Your life and health are more important than grad school, even though it might not always seem like it.

Be sure to express how thankful you are that they have been accommodating thus far, but say that the severity of your situation would just not allow for you to continue productively. I would approach it less as a "I can't do it" situation and more as a "you deserve the best and full attention from your students" situation. If you make it more about THEM (since they are paying you) I don't think you will have a problem.

"Your school has been so supportive and accommodating, and I thank you for your encouragement. I believe you deserve the best from each of your students and I do not feel I can perform at my peak right now due to these life events. I look forward to coming back and giving this program the attention it deserves."

(That's not great, but... something like that)

Good luck!

[runonsentence]

I wonder, too, if this might be an easier conversation to have in person?

You could take the tack, in that case, of approaching this from the role of an advisee seeking advice. Telling your DGS what you're facing, how tired you are, and how unsure you are that you'll be abe to work well when feeling this way, and then asking her/him what s/he thinks of time off, would make it less of an "I resign, I can't do this" request and more of a mutually agreed on best course of action.

[MoJingly]

I wonder, too, if this might be an easier conversation to have in person?

You could take the tack, in that case, of approaching this from the role of an advisee seeking advice. Telling your DGS what you're facing, how tired you are, and how unsure you are that you'll be abe to work well when feeling this way, and then asking her/him what s/he thinks of time off, would make it less of an "I resign, I can't do this" request and more of a mutually agreed on best course of action.

Totally agreed on this one. This is a big decision, and emails might not suffice.

[StrangeLight]

i think going in person to talk to the DGS is a good move, but write out some bullet points of what you want to say and bring it with you. my DGS is wonderful and he's talked many people off the edge of quitting or taking a leave of absence. if taking a break is what you need for your mental and physical wellbeing (and it sounds like it is), you don't want your DGS to talk you out of it, so plan what you're going to say.

say basically what you said here. mention that it is not simply your physical health that is taking its toll, but the stress of this work coupled with your family's health and your personal responsibilities. if you ask for a year's leave of absence, they will almost certainly be accommodating. in that year, keep in touch with your advisor if your intention is to eventually return to the program (and send an email once a semester even if it's not). by the time the year is up, see how you're doing and if your goals are the same.

i know a number of grad students in history programs that took a year off. some never came back (and they're almost always much happier), some returned with renewed vigor and drive. taking a break does not mean it's the end of your graduate career. you'll be fine.