returning to grad school?

[StanShun]

Thinking about easing my way back into grad school/academic research.

Been a few years since I left with an MS after some issues with the lab/PI to make a long story short. I swore off more school initially but it was always in the back of my mind to eventually return. I'm kicking myself that I wasted all this time floating around in limbo.

Problem is I don't exactly know the best way to go about this, I'm limited in that I can't really afford shell out big bucks for school.

First option is to apply to some program. The big hitch is I don't know if I could get in. I'm not sure if I can rustle up enough recommendations after all this time. Also I'm not sure if I should include the records from my first time in grad school which are a little mixed.

Second option is to try to volunteer somewhere to build things up first and help me take stock. The most direct route is through a research school. I can attempting to work with someone from my old school or attempt at a fresh start at another research school or go to a nonresearch state school.

My old place is pretty good but there are still plenty of people who know me. Some who I'm afraid of facing due to the awkwardness of my situation and some who have made things difficult in the past and have the power to do so again in the future. And even if I did get work in some capacity it might still be a gamble to test their kindness at allowing me to reenter a program. There are other research schools but they are farther away. Plus I don't know how easy it would be to get in as a volunteer at these places.

Two smaller state institutions are close and might be more willing to take volunteers, one I came from as an undergrad and the other I've been looking through but has a much smaller selection of faculty, with none really fitting my interests or as active in research. If I volunteered at the state institutions I would eventually move on as I already have an MS.

Third option is to continue to attempt to find volunteering or work in a nonacademic setting but leaving aside the fact that the job and internship market is pretty bad now I feel this might be a more roundabout way of things.

So many options to think about I'm not sure which would be better than the other. I'm not even sure how likely it would be that I could do any of these things even if I wanted to since everybody seems so selective these days.

I'm pretty much loss right now which is better. I know I want to get back into research but I'm not sure how. Anyone have any comments or options I haven't thought of? Is going for a ph.d a mistake for someone who already has an MS?

Thanks

[Grunty DaGnome]

I went back 10 years after completing my undergraduate degree. It's hard. You spell things wrong from the fatigue of working a 50 hour week and professors jump on stuff like that as if they could correct the exhaustion out of you. It's par for the course. When you go back as an older student, I think you have to pride yourself on different things, like having a clear direction. Not getting caught up in minutia and petty competitive stuff like that is actually a strength if you're at a point in life that you can let it roll off your back. The real problem is how do you find your unflappable direction? I took non-degree classes at another university before I entered an official M.A. program. It helped quite a bit.

[Sigaba]

I recommend that you see if any of the relationships at your previous institution are salvageable. As graduate students, it is very easy to get wrapped up in our own situation and to conclude that doors have closed. But until we go and turn those handles, we really do not know.

@Grunty DaGnome. "...professors jump on stuff like that as if they could correct the exhaustion out of you." Damn, that's a nice turn of a phrase.

[Grunty DaGnome]

Thanks Sigaba. I was pretty tired when I wrote that, so I guess exhaustion can cut either way.