am I going into the right directions?

[misgengen]

Hi, I am applying for clinical health promotion program and is currently finishing up my first draft. I am not sure if I am writing my SOP correctly since I seems to be spending a lot of times talking about my final yr research project and how it leads me to apply to this program. I also didn't mention a lot about my abilities and how it would let me succeed in this program. Here is the general outline, I would appreciate feedback! Thanks!

Paragraph 1: I talked about how I used to have risky health behaviors and had a hard time changing it, which motivated me into taking a health promo course during undergrad

Paragraph 2: then I goes into my research in rehab science and talked about the differences and similarities of health promo in rehab context then to healthy individual; also explained my main findings from my final yr research project (not directly related to health promo tho) and how it confirm my desire to work in public health.

Paragraph 3: talked about my cultural diversity and backgrounds and how it will contribute to the program, I also tried to link random volunteers experience I did in different health care settings, I don't know if I should cut that out, didn't do a lot in them(and def. not in a leadership context)

Final paragraph: Why the program appeals to me and my career aspirations

What do you guys think? I feel like I had a lot of stuff in there and I am trying to randomly link them to health promo, because I didn't have direct experience in health promo.

[jkg]

maybe talk about why you were motivated to do the random volunteering experiences/about how that similar motivation led you to pursue health promo- maybe connect everything to your motivation and your gradual interest in health promotion as a career. leave in the volunteering. maybe try to stay away from forcing connection to the health promo, because app committees realize not everyone knows what they want to do from the start