Head vs. Heart

[rockandroll]

I'm facing a tough decision between three schools, and while I think I know what I'm going to do, I'm having trouble making a final commitment.

I was accepted at three schools. They are all equally good, first- or second-tier schools. I'm looking to get my master's in general/experimental psychology in order to flesh out exactly what I want to do for my doctorate, but I am definitely going to be applying to Ph.D. programs in the next year or two. I currently live in a city in the northeast and have a serious boyfriend and several close friends who I would love to be near to. I have enough money set aside to cover my master's and living expenses unless it's somewhere completely outrageous, but would obviously like to save as much as possible.

While I won't go into which specific schools I'm discussing just in case, I'll give you a quick profile of the pros and cons of each.

-One school is right outside of the city where I currently live. If I went here, I would be able to live in a great area with my boyfriend and one of my best friends, which would be awesome. I was offered a $10,000 merit scholarship (the most that they give students) and $10,000 financial aid with no strings attached. This means that I would pay about $20,000 for tuition, on top of living expenses, including a car. The dean of the department wants to work with me, and we have the same general interest, but very different specific interests. He works in an active research lab with another professor who also has somewhat similar interests, and this seems like a good opportunity. The school seems like they are very supportive of grad students and provides resources for them, and the students and faculty are very close and have been extremely sweet to me. I think that I could fit in well here. The master's program is only two semesters long, which seems very stressful and like I could be forced into rushing my thesis (but I could stretch it out slightly longer if I needed to). In addition, their Ph.D. program is very well-suited to my interests if I decide that I do want to stay there, and it is fully funded. Essentially, I feel like I will end up going here because it makes the most sense; however, I'm just not excited about it, and I feel like I should be.

-The second school is right in New York City, which is unbelievably expensive and very intimidating to me. I was offered a 50% scholarship, but with the cost of living in NYC, it's not really enough to offset the total cost; I would be out of money by the end. However, the school seems like a neat place (I haven't visited at this point) with a cool philosophy, and the professors that I would be working with are well-known in the exact area that I want to research. Additionally, they do have a Ph.D. program that would fit me as well. While I wouldn't be in my current city, I would be within a few hours; additionally, my boyfriend would likely be able to come with me.

-The third school is in a small city down south; I would need to move all of my stuff thirteen hours away in order to attend. Meanwhile, they don't have a Ph.D. program, and only one school nearby has my program, so it seems irrational to move this far away for just two years. I worry that I would be breaking valuable connections by leaving and turning down two great schools that are much closer to my friends and family. However, they have offered me a full scholarship, free laptop, and an assistantship that pays $900 per month, which would more than cover all of my expenses because the area is super cheap, and would also give me valuable experience (neither of the other schools offers paid positions). Additionally, while the teacher that I would be working with doesn't 100% fit my research interests, my interests fit very well into the department as a whole. The school has been incredibly accommodating to me- it is clear that they really want me- and I would feel absolutely horrible turning them down. However, my boyfriend can't find a single job in the area, and I'm really scared to move so far away from everything and everyone that I know and to go through all of the hassle when I know that I'm going to have to move again in two years.

As you can see, there's so much to consider. I feel like I'm going to end up going with option 1, simply because it makes the most sense. However, it would break my heart to have to turn down any of these schools (though I know that I inevitably have to disappoint two of them). My head says to go to school #1, but my heart wants me to give the other two (especially #3) a shot. What do I do?!?

Edited March 28, 2012 by rockandroll

[PJ1987]

It sounds like you have quite a decision to make! I can't tell you what the right answer is, but if I were in your position, I would probably go with School #1. It all depends on what your priorities are, but it sounds to me like you prioritize family and loved ones over your academics (and I absolutely do not judge you for that -- I am the exact same way, which is the reason I applied exclusively to programs near my family). And if your relationship with your boyfriend is very serious, I wouldn't jeopardize it with the strain of going to School #3 - as wonderful as the program may be, long-distance is never easy. As for School #2 in NYC, I'm about to say something really unpopular: as someone who currently lives here in NYC, I do not recommend it. If you grew up in a place where there's clean air, quiet, and enough space to walk down the street without getting head lice from the nearest person on the sidewalk, you might not like it here. I mean, there definitely are great things about it (i.e. you don't need a car at all, ever, which saves a lot of money) but it's a very stressful place to live. It all depends on your personality -- a lot of people really thrive in a bustling atmosphere like NYC, and they love that it's always so busy and vibrant here. Personally, I prefer a city like Boston. But that's just me. If you haven't visited New York before, it's worth coming down to see if you think it might be a good fit for you.

It sounds like School #1 is a nice place, relatively affordable, close to the important people in your life, and will provide you with a clear (and quick) path towards your ultimate goal of doctoral study. It sounds to me like School #1 satisfies both the head and the heart.

Those are my thoughts, anyway. Good luck with your decision!

[stell4]

That is a hard decision. Personally, I don't think I would go with option 3 strictly because of the relationship; it does sound like a great offer. I like the sounds of both option 1 and 2 a lot. Could you visit option 2 to get a better idea, maybe that would help you make a more informed decision? I think no matter what you pick you'll end up with a great experience.

[TropicalCharlie]

Also remember that you don't have to do your PhD at the same school that you get your MS. If option 1 works out well for your MS and you can see yourself there for a PhD, then great. If you think there is more to be had after your MS, then you can always apply to the school in NYC and others for your PhD.

[rockandroll]

Thank you so much for your responses, everyone. I feel incredibly conflicted, so it helps to hear what other people who have gone through this have to say. My friends and family are all pushing me toward School #3 because it really is the perfect offer, but someone who hasn't gone through the process of applying to grad school couldn't possibly understand how complex the decision really is.

I'm leaning toward School #1 as well. While I'm less excited about it as compared to the other two, it's the one decision that doesn't require me to make any sacrifices (aside from having to turn down the other schools, which I will definitely cry about). My worry with School #1 is that because it's a two- or three-semester program, I feel like I could be rushed to devise a thesis on the basis of being able to get it done quickly. Meanwhile, I already have a great thesis in mind that the professors at Schools 1 and 3 wouldn't be able to help me much with- it just doesn't relate to what they do very much (as opposed to the professors at School 2, who are big names in the field that my thesis is in. However, I agree with you, PJ1987: I honestly don't think that I would like NYC either). I don't want to be pushed into coming up with a thesis based on my professors' previous research just because the program at School #1 is conducted at a more hurried pace- this seems like a waste.

Looking back, if I had known that I was qualified for Ph.D. programs and had I been able to come up with my thesis last year, I would have applied to doctoral programs in a place where I would like to stay, rather than having to worry about moving again in two years. However, that's just not the case, so I'm thinking that it's best to attend the school that doesn't require me to move or give up the relationships that I care about so much, especially considering that there are tons of schools in the area that I could apply to for my Ph.D. in a year. School #1 has no downsides at all- I just wish that I were more excited about it.

Edited March 30, 2012 by rockandroll

[Penguin278]

I think I know which southern school you are talking about, and if I do, it's where I have chosen to go in the fall. My reason was that it has a great track record of getting their MA students into good PhD programs. I really understand the boyfriend/friends thing...my boyfriend will only be two hours away and I know that will be a rough transition since we went to undergrad together. I can't imagine being a flight away. But I had multiple professors at my undergrad institution talk about how well the school prepares students for PhDs. But, again, like you said, interest plays a large role in the whole process as well. Overall, I know I am probably not helping much but I definitely feel empathy for your situation. Let me know if you decide on the southern school

[rising_star]

Honestly, defer the option at school #1 and apply for PhD programs this fall.

[rockandroll]

Decided to go to School 1, which is Brandeis. I spoke to the professor who I'll be working with, and we found a great project for me to get started on that will give me awesome experience, help me with my thesis, and is a great in-between for both of our interests. Turning down the other schools wasn't as horrible as I expected- it seems that I got all of my emotions out in the last few weeks, so by the time I had to make a decision, I already knew what the right choice was. No regrets or remaining worries at all- I'm extremely happy.

Additionally, the program will only take me two or three semesters, so in all likelihood, I will be applying to Ph.D. programs this fall anyway. And this way, I'll have some great experience under my belt for not too high a cost.

Edited April 8, 2012 by rockandroll