Family Drama...now I'm uppity?

[Yellow#5]

Even so, babies don't stop you from finishing grad school these days...it stops your husband from finishing

[riss287]

Even so, babies don't stop you from finishing grad school these days...it stops your husband from finishing

That was a great statement!!! I'll have to use that the next time they pull the "I hope you can finish" thing on me.

[MDLee]

That was a great statement!!! I'll have to use that the next time they pull the "I hope you can finish" thing on me.

I know, huh! I am so sick of the sexism that is still rampant in the university departments. Why is it that to be an intellectual woman you aren't allowed to have a family too? Not fair. And looks like its just going to create a generation of bitter, angry, women on top. You'd think they'd do something about all this!

[Yellow#5]

Actually, I was commenting on the fact that when guys find out they are going to be daddy's, certain ones -- not everyone-- become extremely practical overnight. Their first instinct is usually to make more money. I've seen this happen again and again to guys who I never thought I would see this happen to.

It's an old fashioned notion, but let's not forget, despite popular neg. stereotype, men are often reliable and self-sacrificing. You're really not in it alone finishing this degree.

[riss287]

I don't know where you live, but I'd like to meet these men that you know, because the ones that I've met are nothing like that! I see your point though.

[lyonessrampant]

Riss, my man is like that. He is in law school (and is currently on a deployment to Afghanistan) and he wants a kid (some day) WAY more than me. When this application season hasn't gone in my favor, he offered to come home, quit law school, move to where I wanted to be so I could do my Ph.D. in "ideal" circumstances, and move if I needed to. I don't think that's fair, so we're working on a compromise right now that involves him finishing law school and me waiting to start my Ph.D. until he is done with law school or at least in his 3rd year and after we've been together for a year after his deployment. I mean, Afghanistan is no Vietnam and his duty is about training the police and military there to enable the creation of a sustainable, internal system of rule of law with enforcement that protects the people, but he is still super stressed and needs me when he comes home. That said, I'm willing to make trade offs for him because he is more than willing to make them for me. I know that if I'm still studying/not ready to have a baby at 35 and he wants one, he'll be more than happy to be a SAHD.

On the other hand, I was raised in a super-fundamentalist church that almost disfellowshipped me (about the same as excommunication for Catholics) just for going to undergrad. I left the church before I graduated, partly because EVERYONE, including my mom and dad, whom I was REALLY close to, said I couldn't. When you face that kind of opposition (they haven't spoken to me except for family emergencies when my mom got breast cancer and my 36-year-old sister-in-law died leaving 3 kids under 13) faces you, I think you reevaluate family drama. I'm not saying that it isn't irksome when they don't understand, but fuck, they still talk to you and support you! Things could be a lot worse.

[Yellow#5]

Sometimes I wish I had been raised religious, just so I could be disfellowshipped.

Lyonnes, it is a truly a great honor, even to come close. Congrats to you

[Yellow#5]

by riss287

[lyonessrampant]

Yellow NUMBER 5 I know I appreciate things a lot more because of it. . . Hell, if this whole Ph.D. thing doesn't work out, maybe I've got enough material for a memoir, well, 1/2 a memoir maybe

[Yellow#5]

Thanks for the proper naming of yours truly :wink:

[janeng]

My mom doesn't even have a full high school education, and she's not the least bit bothered by my pursuing graduate school. She would never say I was uppity, in part because I would never act uppity about it and in part because she's a good mom who would even be proud of my uppity attitude (if I had one). I started becoming more liberal when I met my very persuasive, influential (and at times activist) boyfriend about four and a half years ago; it had little to do with higher education. Plus, I'm a minority, and we inevitably realize that the liberal philosophy favors us. My siblings include two sisters and one brother. The brother and one sister have Bachelor degrees (accounting and computer science, respectively). My other sister has an undergrad degree and a law degree. I have an undergrad degree and am about to start grad school in the fall. My boyfriend has an undergraduate degree from years ago and started a second undergraduate degree this spring. At any rate, I think it's good to stay around people from all walks of life. I'm glad my mother has no substantial education (formal, anyway) and I honestly want to start making friends with more people who have no degree. It's easy to become a big snob because of education. (I dropped a friend because she was an East Coast education snob.) If you are aware of the tendency, you can take measures to keep your feet on the ground. And even if you don't "take measures," just don't be a snob!