Regret Decision -- Too late to change mind?

[colbertnation]

hello all,

So I was stuck with choosing between two schools. One was in my home city, the other was out of town. I decided to play it "safe" and stay in my home city and not burden myself with incurring debt, moving across the country, etc etc.

Now I regret the decision and I'm wondering if you think it would be too late to change my mind. I feel like I just played it "safe" but ultimately this was not the best choice for me. It's almost two weeks since the April 15th deadline. Would I be able to contact the school I already declined telling them I was stressed beyond belief and after further reflection I whole heartedly want to attend their program, and want to see if the spot and offer would still be available?

Does anyone have any experience with this?

I also realize that I've accepted another offer and according to APA guidelines I'd have to get written release from the institution. At this point, if I can get my other spot back, I'm not too concerned with this or severing ties with this school.

Thoughts?

[AThiker]

hi there,

i saw this post earlier and figured i'd give my two cents if no one else took interest in replying.

i was in a similar predicament a few days after april 15th. I committed by the April 15th deadline, had second thoughts as I had another school I was considering, but ultimately decided I was happy with the choice I made and stayed with it.

An important factor in all of this is whether you received some sort of funding. I don't think the cgs (what's apa?) resolution is a binding contract, but to renege this late in the process could potentially complicate things for that department. They may lose that funding or they may not find a replacement at this late stage.

I understand after making a big decision like this you are met with new waves of doubt and regret, but try to have some resolve. i was definitely critical of myself in the days after thinking what could have been, but after all, we are talking about graduate studies (and paid for at that) which is a privelege rather than a right. Be happy with that, either place you will probably be given opportunities not many others have.

But don't make it a big moral question. If you are truly so against where you're currently committed to go to school, then just pull the plug. But act quickly. It may not be too late for someone else to receive your spot.

In my personal opinion, I recommend you stick with your original choice to achieve a certain level of integrity. I was motivated to stick with my original choice for many reasons (small, friendly program/good funds/nice environment) but maintaining my professional honesty definitely meant something to me as well. That is not to say you should keep commitments only because of some sort of binding agreement you don't want to break. If you can't see yourself being there for the long haul, then you are really doing yourself a favor as well as the department by backing out before too much money's been spent.

[OldGrad2012]

I am also in the same situation as you by having to decide between two schools and ultimately choosing the one which I did regret. I did have thoughts of choosing the other programs which I thought would be better fits for me. But through personal matters, I ended up choosing the program that only about 6 hours away by car compare to the one 14 hours away by car. I think at this stage of the game, it may be too late for asking the other school to accept you again with the same offer once you decline them. They may reserved your spot to someone else already. So you could try to call them and if they say yes, then do it. But you may want to make sure about the school that you decline by asking them to make another offer before you rescind to your first offer of acceptance. The school that you decide to rescind will be very upset about you and it is not professional to do it. You need to keep your integrity and sincerity by staying with your first acceptance.

[Gneiss1]

You can always try, but I would go into it knowing it is probably not very likely this will work out in your favor at this point. I would assume when you declined they contacted the next person in line and so on and so forth. There is a chance they havent found anyone yet, but this also is pretty disrespectful to your current university. It's almost May and most people have made their decisions by now. This could potentially create some repercussions in the future so I would be cautious.

Is it possible maybe this is just nerves about making a wrong decision? It sounds like there were perks to both places and there must have been some appeal at each place. Maybe the university you accepted will end up being a really great experience that will save some money in the process?

[TMP]

Let time heal. It can take a week or so before you can move on. After I told one of my choices "no," I did spend like a week agonizing over my decision. I loved, loved the program, the university, and the location. Funding wasn't much of an issue but there was a certain perk in my fellowship that was a guarantee. My adviser there was cool. But deep down, I knew that my current university was the right choice. As a number of people reminded me, "There is no bad decision here, only a good one."

It's been almost three weeks since I accepted the offer and now i realized that it was truly the very best decision I could ever make. It was really just my nerves talking and emotions still unsettled from a visit at the other school that I didn't expect to be so amazing. I think you need some reassurances from your colleagues and adviser(s) that you made the right decision here. Their positive encouragement helped me to move past that "no."