Self doubt & making your supervisor look bad

[WhereIsMyBacon]

I am currently in the process of finalizing my MSc thesis proposal. I will be defending next week.

Over the past six months, my draft reviews have been returned to me plastered in red. Whilst I am very thankful that my supervisor has taken the time to thoroughly review my work and provide (very) informative and helpful feedback, the comments that I am receiving are increasingly aggressive in nature.

Regardless of how much time and effort I invest towards improving my proposal, it never seems to be of sufficient quality in my supervisor's eyes. Sections that were one approved, return with major corrections (I understand that the relevance with other ideas might result in this happening, but this is not the case here). My writing is simply not 'textured' enough. It is not 'tight' enough. It is not 'systematic'.

I have now reached the point where the comments are actually affecting my physical and mental health. I am doubting every single word that I write. I spend hours reading the same sentence over and over again. I no longer take part in discussions with friends or family as I question whether I am actually saying anything meaningful.

I have attended writing clinics, which have turned into lectures on how to deal with supervisors. When I discuss this with fellow graduate students, I get laughed at for being too hard on myself, and that I should take more pride in my work and stop worrying about comments.

I am now contemplating having a discussion with my supervisor and graduate program coordinator in order to determine whether or not I am actually 'worthy' of graduate school. I personally feel that I simply make my supervisor 'look bad'. I still have to conduct my field work and write/defend my dissertation. Whilst I am prepared to work hard and improve myself, I feel it will just result in a lot more hardship or expectations that I can never hope to meet.

I don't even remember why I started writing this, I think it was to get some feedback or simply share it with someone. If anyone can provide some suggestions or anything else, it would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

[Dal PhDer]

Hi there,

A couple of months ago I was in the very same situation. Everything I wrote would come back with very critical comments and no constructive guidance. It "no this is wrong" .. "wrong wrong wrong" ... "beginning to doubt your ability to understand the literature" ... "garbage" ... very hurtful and critical comments that made me doubt my ability to write and critically think- I too thought 'geez, am I even smart enough to be here?' ...I brought these to my graduate coordinator and she agreed that while lots of students receive this kind of negative feedback, it's not right. It's even more difficult to approach your supervisor.

I have recently switched things around and provided my writing to outside committee members and have gotten a lot of great comments about the quality and level of writing- which has boosted my self-esteem.

Here are a few pointers I can suggest:

* Save all drafts and notes: If you are finding there are a lot of jumping around by them, go to them with a previous draft and say "you said this here, so this is what I did, perhaps you could help me understand how I can make the next step" ... a lot of time I think supervisors switch advice and go back and forth because they are on one wave length one day, and on a different one another day. Making sure you have a record of all your notes, drafts, and meetings will help you feel more comfortable approaching your advisor about their comments, and also in what you've done following their direction

* Go to an outside source to evaluate/edit your writing: Head to your university's writing center- they can help you with flow, wording, grammar, etc. They are really useful. Book a one on one meeting so you can focus specifically on a piece of writing you have done. Also, do you have a committee member or another faculty member that could be helpful? Pass it along to them before giving it to your supervisor so that you can get their feedback.

* Never give a 'rough' draft to your supervisor: Now, this is based on my own experience and on my situation- it may be different for other students. I have found a rough draft is the worse thing to give them, because they will tear it apart, make you question your ability, direction and competence. From now on, i only give full pieces of writing to my supervisor.

* Remember you are a student, you are still learning. Writing is a skill you'll always be improving...the more you write, the more you edit, the more feedback you gain, the more you will improve. Share writing with your lab mates and friends. And always remember that writing style is a personal thing.

i think we all doubt our abilities and whether or not we made the right choice. It sounds like your supervisor may not be the best at providing constructive feedback....and that it's not solely on your shoulders. Your advisor is there to help you improve your writing and research skills

[booksnlooks]

Dal PhDer makes some great points and I'd like to add one important thing: don't let this person damage your self-esteem, happiness, and health. Your supervisor's opinion is important but it's not the only opinion on the strength of your writing and research. You are absolutely worthy of graduate school! You got in, didn't you? And you've made it this far! I completely understand how upsetting this situation is but don't let it ruin things for you. Don't give up!

I recommend that you not only take care of the issues with your supervisor, but you also take care of yourself. Get plenty of sleep, exercise, healthy food, and sunlight. Spend time with people you love and who support you. Spend time each day doing something that makes you feel amazing. And, if need be, check out your school's counselling services for someone to talk to and make constructive plans with.

Good luck!!

[WhereIsMyBacon]

Thanks a million for the suggestions and feedback - reading this provided a huge 'pick-me-up'!

For me, the biggest take home from your comments was the submission of 'rough' drafts/work to my supervisor.

I am going to start getting multiple proofreads before sending anything off for review. Up to this point, I have only gone through two to three reviews before submission.

I finalized my proposal and have sent it off to my committee. As I defend later on this week, I am looking forward to hearing what the other members of my committee think. I'll report back

Thanks again for the support