Loneliness & Living Alone

[Gamarino]

Hello, all. This is my first post on here. So I'm trying to cope with living alone for the first time. I recently moved into a beautiful two-bedroom apartment in Connecticut. I begin my Master's program in two weeks, but I have Orientation next week, which is why I moved up so early. I do have a dog (he drives me crazy sometimes, but I love him.), but I miss human interaction. I'm a natural extrovert, so not having any connections here is really driving me insane. My boyfriend will be moving in with me in three weeks (he lives in North Carolina), but the days just seem so long when I'm here alone. I guess I should add that I moved up from North Carolina. I didn't think it would be too much of an adjustment, since my family is from up North and I have some cousins/aunts/uncles/grandparents up here, but I don't know a soul in Connecticut. Any tips for not going crazy before school starts? Will it be easy to make friends at school? I've heard that graduate programs tend to be lonely. Thanks!

[wildviolet]

I'm kind of in the same situation. The days do seem long, don't they? Anyway, I have two kids, but I left them with their grandparents for the month of August while I get things set up and attend orientation and meetings. I spend a lot of my day alone (not lonely though). So, here's what I've done to cope:

1. Put on the music and sing along.

2. Read a book aloud and record it, then play it back (okay, this might be a weird one, but I'm working on my public speaking skills and want to hear how I might sound to others).

3. Call friends or family.

I guess hearing the sound of my own voice is better than not hearing anything at all! That's what's been working for me so far, but orientation is next week, so I hope to make new friends soon. There's a thread somewhere about making friends in grad school if you're interested (sorry, too lazy to find it right now). Grad programs are what you make of it--people here have been really friendly, so I'm making my apartment company friendly so I can invite people over for dinner.

[radiowires]

I have a roommate, so my situation is not identical to yours, but I also moved in early and have had to come up with things to do to keep myself occupied. Here are a few more:

1. Go on long walks (with your dog!) and take pictures you can send to friends/relatives.

2. If you can prove residency, go to the public library and get a card. This was the single best thing I've done yet and has enabled me to check out all kinds of stuff, from fiction to music to biographies I've always meant to read. Right now I'm watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy to fill in a gap in my cultural education.

3. If your university has a gym, see about getting in and using it. I've enjoyed having the freedom to acquaint myself with the gym and to work out before the semester starts.

4. Go to farmer's markets! They're a lot of fun and some are during odd hours / in odd places; getting to them when you're busier might not be so easy.

5. Skype with your friends.

These are sort of random, but you get the point. What has helped me the most has been to develop a kind of loose schedule for every day--I find that if I have at least a rough idea of what I'm doing on any given day (for example, today I'm going to go to X museum, and swim, and maybe write a letter to my friend) the days pass more quickly.

[rockandroll]

Hello, all. This is my first post on here. So I'm trying to cope with living alone for the first time. I recently moved into a beautiful two-bedroom apartment in Connecticut. I begin my Master's program in two weeks, but I have Orientation next week, which is why I moved up so early. I do have a dog (he drives me crazy sometimes, but I love him.), but I miss human interaction. I'm a natural extrovert, so not having any connections here is really driving me insane. My boyfriend will be moving in with me in three weeks (he lives in North Carolina), but the days just seem so long when I'm here alone. I guess I should add that I moved up from North Carolina. I didn't think it would be too much of an adjustment, since my family is from up North and I have some cousins/aunts/uncles/grandparents up here, but I don't know a soul in Connecticut. Any tips for not going crazy before school starts? Will it be easy to make friends at school? I've heard that graduate programs tend to be lonely. Thanks!

I can relate. I lived in the city for the last four years, and my boyfriend and I just moved into an apartment together in the suburbs. While I'm sure that things will get better once school starts in a week and a half, this summer has been rough for me because all of my friends live in the city and have full-time jobs. I was feeling really lonely with my boyfriend gone all day, and I always get anxious and depressed just because I'm bored and lonely when I'm not in school. I found that it helped just to be around people in public places, even when I wasn't necessarily interacting with them- shopping helped, for instance, or taking pictures while walking around pretty places. It helped to use up some of my overabundant free time, while exposing me to minimal social interaction. I also made an effort to visit my family and friends whenever possible, and to talk on the phone a lot more than I usually would. I also kept the TV on or listened to music or podcasts while doing chores around the house, which made me feel a little less alone because it made me feel more connected to the outside world.

If chronic loneliness is an issue for anyone, I would highly recommend the book "Lonely" by Emily White. I just finished reading it, and it opened my eyes to the widespread issues with loneliness that many people are secretly struggling with in today's superficially well-connected society. Really interesting and informative.

[Gamarino]

Thanks for the replies! I'm feeling much better today. I have a cold, so I'm more than happy to stay at the apartment and watch The Office. Listening to jazz music on my iPod speakers helps, and I always have the television on, even when I sleep. I've realized that walking my dog has actually made me feel more oriented around my apartment complex. When I step outside, I'm reminded that I'm not totally alone. And fellow dog lovers will stop and ask me about my pup. You see, my complex is more family-oriented and it's actually very quiet. I know I will relish this silence when school starts, but it's kind of jarring right now. Anyways, I'm done complaining for now! Thanks for the advice, and I hope to meet some cool people this week at my Orientation.

[sociologyplease]

I just moved to Connecticut too and oh man, is it lonely out here! I've been watching Law and Order SVU on marathon to try to cope, but I'm not sure if it's the best pick-me-up.

[Gamarino]

I just moved to Connecticut too and oh man, is it lonely out here! I've been watching Law and Order SVU on marathon to try to cope, but I'm not sure if it's the best pick-me-up.

I love Law & Order: SVU, but it freaks me out. It makes me too paranoid to take my dog out to pee at night!

[prettyuff1]

I feel you on this one.. I moved to a city completely alone back in may to do a summer internship.. I dont know anyone here. I have been able to make a few friends who are in the same program but generally it is me. I think maybe getting out and trying new things.. I am taking a pole fitness class friday. then going to hear music play that weekend. I also try to get out to the more hip areas of town to just walk around so that im not home watching "criminal minds every night". I would try to get out to do something you have wanted to try. That helps too...

[bedalia]

I love this piece of spoken word, "How to be Alone," by Tanya Davis:

Edited August 19, 2012 by bedalia

[Dal PhDer]

Take this time to indulge in super girlie tv! Like Pretty Little Liars, Gossip Girl, Vampire Diaries or Real Housewives of New Jersey! Get a couple season, some comfy stretchy pants and enjoy relaxing! Not only will it take your mind off of being alone, you'll get to enjoy your last few weeks recharging for school!

[Thumper86]

I love this piece of spoken word, "How to be Alone," by Tanya Davis:

I love this!

[profev]

www.meetup.com works for me in most all cities that I have moved to. A group of strangers get together with other strangers in a public space for a common cause. It's a great way to meet people that you are sure to have something in common with, and everyone goes knowing that they are going to meet strangers, so it is not weird or uncommon to strike up a conversation with people you've never met before.

Look at your social media websites for people that you may have known previously that you might have lost contact with. I used to live in North Carolina too, and I found two people who I went to high school with who had moved there before me. Meeting up with people offline that I already knew opened up my community and they were really helpful in making me feel at home very quickly. Even if you don't end up becoming best buddies, people who you know from the past who live in or near your new city are great for recommendations on where to live, eat, go out, etc.

Joining the gym or Y in your city is good too, especially if you are like me and like group classes. The same people tend to go to the same classes and you can meet people that way.

Once you start to go to orientation and have classes, you will start to get to know people. Once you feel comfortable with a few of them, invite them over for a potluck-style lunch or dinner. Creating your own event is a remedy to fulfilling a schedule void.

You can also look for young professionals groups in your city or student organizations on your campus. This is also a good way to meet people.

Since you are a language student, volunteering your language services to non-profit organizations is a sure way to build your community. There are many volunteer sites that list projects going on in your community that need volunteers. This is also a great way to meet people and help your new community at the same time.

Good luck!

[Gamarino]

www.meetup.com works for me in most all cities that I have moved to. A group of strangers get together with other strangers in a public space for a common cause. It's a great way to meet people that you are sure to have something in common with, and everyone goes knowing that they are going to meet strangers, so it is not weird or uncommon to strike up a conversation with people you've never met before.

Look at your social media websites for people that you may have known previously that you might have lost contact with. I used to live in North Carolina too, and I found two people who I went to high school with who had moved there before me. Meeting up with people offline that I already knew opened up my community and they were really helpful in making me feel at home very quickly. Even if you don't end up becoming best buddies, people who you know from the past who live in or near your new city are great for recommendations on where to live, eat, go out, etc.

Joining the gym or Y in your city is good too, especially if you are like me and like group classes. The same people tend to go to the same classes and you can meet people that way.

Once you start to go to orientation and have classes, you will start to get to know people. Once you feel comfortable with a few of them, invite them over for a potluck-style lunch or dinner. Creating your own event is a remedy to fulfilling a schedule void.

You can also look for young professionals groups in your city or student organizations on your campus. This is also a good way to meet people.

Since you are a language student, volunteering your language services to non-profit organizations is a sure way to build your community. There are many volunteer sites that list projects going on in your community that need volunteers. This is also a great way to meet people and help your new community at the same time.

Good luck!

This is great! I've never heard of this website. I just looked up my city, and there are several available groups in the area. Also, thanks for suggesting I volunteer. I don't know why I didn't think about that two days ago when I was sitting bored out of mind. My Orientation begins tomorrow, so I'll be busy for the next few days, but hopefully I'll have some free time on the weekends to volunteer at a local animal shelter or something (I love animals!).