Please evaluate my SOP

[MaryShelley]

My aim is to pursue an MS in Analog and Mixed Signal VLSI. This is a general SOP I thought of. Your views and comments please!

It all began with the electron.

For me, that’s how it started. Not exactly an ardent lover of science, perennially associating with the numerous phylae I had to painstakingly memorize in high school, I was content with Hall and Knight’s math problems keeping me company. It took a combination of Ohm’s laws and Faraday’s magnetic personality for me to be bitten by the physics bug, and since then what lay between the covers of Resnick and Halliday was the be-all and end-all of my physics curriculum.

Ever since, I’ve nursed an immense penchant for pursuing research in world-renowned organizations, witnessing for real the inherent magic of equations and creating. Innovating. When my first group science project, a drip irrigation system bagged the 3^rd prize at the National Science Contest organized by the Department of Atomic Energy, I experienced the joy that spawns from lending wings to an idea- an inexplicable emotion words cannot explain.

My passion for physics continued throughout high school, but as I looked around, technology was evolving at breakneck speed. The communication systems I had grown up with were being imbued with sophistication by the day, and there was a paradigm shift in the way we lived our lives. It was the by-product of a few curious minds incessantly at work that was setting benchmarks unimaginable once in time, a realisation that spurred me to ponder further the invaluable prospects of engineering research.

Enter the transistor amplifier.

Though it was a tiny shaft of light thrown on an ubiquitous analog device, what I read about the amplifier sealed my destiny. The idea that a piece of silicon could enhance audio levels spoke sheer genius to my impressionable 16-year old mind. The decision was made, and I soon found myself in the shoes of an electronics and communication engineer.

As an undergraduate student my interests had infinite bandwidth, ranging the gamut from networking and communications to signals to cleaner, greener, renewable energy resources. However, once I was introduced to the world of control systems, the research tree I yearned to climb had found its roots. Integrating control system nuances with an amplifier’s intricacies possessed an underlying charm unbeknownst to me in any digital systems course. Then and there I decided this was my future. I wanted to be a part of this continuum, instead of just “sampling” it.

In my entire Bachelor’s course I could never find the opportunity to work on projects in analog and mixed signal design, though, being an IEEE Student Member who took up the initiative to reinstate a dormant Student Branch College, I jumped at every opportunity to attend seminars and workshops that focused on research spotlights in the area. Perhaps the only brush I had with analog design was our participation in the Texas Instruments India Analog Design Contest, where students were asked to utilize a TI processor in building an industry-oriented application. So when I was selected for the 1-year internship at CONEXANT Systems following the completion of my Bachelor’s course, I was ecstatic to say the least. It was here that I enjoyed ten-fold exposure to analog and mixed signal circuit design, testing and layout. Our learning curve originated at building the basic current mirror, and as days progressed we played around with cascode and folded cascode current mirrors, bandgap reference circuits and open transconductance amplifiers in the Virtuoso Design Environment, simulating their behavior in Cadence. After getting acquainted with the design rule checks for the 65 nm process we worked in, we created basic layouts, modeling parasitics between various metal layers and examining how different kinds of layout extraction affected back-annotated specifications. From testing, comparing and optimizing existing architectures to meet design specifications in all worst-case corners, to testing and tweaking electro-static discharge circuits in order to meet a specified Human-Body Model, to trying our hand at building our own low-drop out regulators, amplifiers and other building blocks in various configurations, the internship was a remarkable experience that offered me everything and more than I could ever hope for. I found there to be a unique harmony resonant in translating a pole-zero response into a system that could record or playback audio, transfer speech or encode signals. It became incredibly evident what a pivotal role transistor sizing held in the analog design realm…..though miniature, a CMOS sure packs a punch.

Analog design is endowed with a treasure-trove of literature, and for enthusiasts like me with thirst for unearthing this bottomless pit, it promises a life-long quest for learning and internalizing. Thanks to stalwarts like Jacob Baker, Li and Behzaad Razaavi, I “feel” analog design more….. than I learn it. With process technologies moving in the direction of higher packing densities and finer lithographic plates, the demand is on the rise for lower quiescent currents and operating voltages. This, together with my own fascination for energy conservation piqued my interest in low power CMOS design--- packing volumes in a wafer. Indubitably, my next step was the search for THE graduate studies centre for me, an analog design-centric program where I could make my life-long research dream come true.

I found the Integrated Circuits program at ******* the perfect one for me, by virtue of the myriad academicians carrying out research in Analog, RF and Mixed Signal CMOS design, the extent of courses offered and the enormous industrial support. I have followed up on the extensive work carried out by the Integrated Circuits and Systems Group at ****, and with my experience with CAD tools together with my awareness of design and verification issues and industry requirements, I am confident I can contribute very effectively towards ongoing research and work towards developing realisable solutions.

[kaister]

My personal opinion is to cut down the first few personal paragraphs and increase the last paragraph about fit with the school.

[mandarin.orange]

My honest first impression is that the language is WAY over-the-top. I feel you're trying to impress with how creatively you can write - there's lots unnecessary words, roundabout ways of saying things, the dramatic stand-alone single-sentence paragraph, precious words in your word count spent on emoting, and the overall effect is just strange. For example: "I've nursed an immense penchant." Even the opening two sentences: "It all began with the electron. For me, that is how it started." ...are redundant.

Avoid colloquialisms - you've got quite a few ("bitten by the bug," "bagged third place," "packs a punch"). Speaking of which, if this 3rd place award is recorded on your CV, don't mention it in your SOP.

Eliminate phrases like, "I was ecstatic to say the least" and "everything and more than I could ever hope for." You can still convey enthusiasm and direction without being overly emotive. I think this is especially important in sciences.

I hope the above does not come across as so nit-picky and harsh to be off-putting. But, I do want to convey that the effort you've put into the language, the odd turns of phrase, the forced conversational feel, in order to "stand out"...may not have the desired effect. Look, part of the SOP is to demonstrate that you can write clearly, specifically, and persuasively. You're basically trying to build an argument as to why you should be admitted, and what makes you more unique, more driven, and more productive than other candidates - not necessarily the most passionate or ruminative about formative experiences. So much of our time as academics will be devoted to securing competitive fellowships and grants. I think most AdComms are going to have their radar out, even subconsciously, for writing that's going to construct a solid, persuasive, specific argument. They will hedge their bets on these types of writers, because those are the students likely to win awards, garner outside funding, and get published.

Some resources I would recommend you check out and hopefully convey why I reacted so strongly to the writing style - these are good examples from the sciences:

Katherine Sledge Moore's breakdown of writing a good SOP. Be sure to check out her own SOP example on the Downloads page.

Forum member unlikelygrad's successful SOP

Both, I feel, convey a great deal of specifics about their experience, a sense of career direction, and solid familiarity with the program they're applying for...while still being to-the-point.

From the perspective of a professor: Female Science Professor's "My Grad School Application Essay"

If you haven't seen this thread, it's been evolving for some time - pages and pages of great advice here:

Good luck and hope this helps!

Edited October 19, 2012 by mandarin.orange

[rkg2012]

That reads more like a contrived autobiography than a personal statement. Three (four?) paragraphs about your pre-college enthusiasm is quite excessive. I put my research interests up front and then tailored my SoP to highlighting particular aspects of my education/work/previous research that showed something in particular about me that would make me a good graduate student and/or showed why X university was the best for me. The SoP should be professional...more like a cover letter for a job than like a story.

My two cents.

Edited October 25, 2012 by rkg2012

[mandarin.orange]

This was just posted in another thread - SoP guidelines from a Duke website. While the department is different, the advice, esp about tone and content, is valuable and spot-on:

[MaryShelley]

Everyone, thanks for your inputs. True, I read the whole thing again and it just seemed sentimental and silly, far from what I actually wanted to convey.

I've been working late hours and didn't have a whole lot of time to re-read my SOP. Bad excuse, I know, but it's the reason it sucked.

Please take the time to read this one, instead. The first paragraph may be a little wordy but I have tried to get down to business soon.

They have specifically asked us to talk about honors, achievements and extra-curriculars so I had no option but to add them, particularly since they relate to energy harvesting which I have highlighted as being a research interest.

Energy Harvesting. Analog Design.

Four words that form the crux of my research passions. To be an integral part of the global solution to the energy crisis was the ultimate goal I had set for myself early on in school. However, my academic interests undertook new dimensions in my undergraduate years as our engineering curriculum unfurled, when I was introduced to the world of Analog Electronics, VLSI design and Control Systems. Integrating control system nuances with an amplifier’s intricacies possessed an underlying charm unbeknownst to me in any digital systems course. Then and there I decided this was my future. I wanted to be a part of this continuum, instead of just “sampling” it.

My desire to research innovative energy solutions was not lost though, as I participated and was placed 2nd in the 20^th State-Level Debate on Renewable Energy Resources. Besides this, I was one of the 30 finalists and subsequent 2^nd prize winner for my essay and presentation on “Power Beams and Applications”, organized by the Department of Atomic Energy, India. In the National Technical Article Contest organized by DA-IICT, Gujarat, I had won 2^nd prize for my short paper on RF Energy Harvesting.

As an undergraduate, I found it challenging to find academicians who would mentor me in analog and mixed signal design projects, though, being an IEEE Student Member who had taken up the initiative to reinstate a dormant Student Branch in our College, I jumped at every opportunity to attend seminars and workshops that focused on research spotlights in the area. However, the experience of a few lectures was not intellectually satisfying enough, which is what motivated me to search for the graduate school where I could propel my research interests in low power analog and mixed signal design forward. It was during this search that I received my first ticket to a hands-on analog design experience, in the form of a 1-year internship at CONEXANT Systems, Pvt. Ltd., headquartered at New Port Beach, California. Here we tested, compared and optimized existing architectures to meet design specifications in all worst-case corners, tweaked and verified electro-static discharge circuits required to meet a specified Human-Body Model, created basic layouts and modeled parasitics between metal layers and tried our hand at building low-drop out regulators, amplifiers, bandgap reference circuits and other building blocks in various configurations. My graduate studies dream, though, was still alive.

The Electronic Design and Applications TIG at GeorgiaTech seemed almost tailor-made for my interests. I found there to be a wide breadth offered in academic curriculum, ranging the gamut from oscillators and synthesizers to neuromorphic analog VLSI circuits, more than what I found in most other graduate programs. Having had experience in working with low-noise, programmable-gain amplifiers in my internship, I can definitely contribute to the design and testing of low-noise, high-bandwidth integrated circuits at the Georgia Analog Tech Consortium. It would be a pleasure to be able to work with Professor Gabriel Rincon-Mora whose extensive literature in the areas of low-power regulators, DC-to-DC and buck-to-boost converters I’ve enjoyed reading. I am very keen on being a part of the phenomenal research he has pioneered in self sustaining chips and low voltage CMOS design, particularly since my interests are exactly the same. Equally intriguing would be the opportunity to work with Dr. Jennifer Hasler, where I could be part of the development of analog VLSI models of learning and sensory processing. One of my final year electives was Artificial Neural Networks, and I’ve always yearned to see a learning network come alive on chip.

None of my academic pursuits would have truly been complete without my experiences as a member of the Rotaract Club of Hyderabad East-a student derivation of the Rotary Club, the college newsletter’s editorial board and the alumni association student wing. Being IEEE Student Branch Secretary, I was also part of the effort that led us to be nominated for “Vibrant IEEE Branch Award” soon after our inception.

From being high-school prefect to IEEE Event Coordinator, I cultivated and imbibed leadership and team-player skills, which I believe to be essential qualities to succeed in a research group. This, coupled with my immense passion and my knowledge of Virtuoso Design and Layout Environment and Cadence Tools will surely enable me to serve as a potential resource for the research program, where I am confident I can contribute to the development of realizable products and solutions.

I hope it's atleast a little better.

Edited October 31, 2012 by capriqueen

[kaister]

"As an undergraduate, I found it challenging to find academicians who would mentor me"

"However, the experience of a few lectures was not intellectually satisfying enough"

I feel like these statements could be worded in a better way. Instead of making it seem like a holier than thou (which I know you're probably not trying to come across as, but it's possible) word it in a way like "Excited to take part in more rigorous courses" etc.

I also feel like the last two paragraphs should be more focused on your future and fit with the school rather than going back to your previous experiences.

[MaryShelley]

I had to fit in my extra-curriculars somewhere, so I put it there. The last paragraph is on how I feel I'll be well-suited for the program, doesn't it feel that way?

How does the rest of the essay feel? Not good enough?

Edited October 31, 2012 by capriqueen

[margarets]

Everyone, thanks for your inputs. True, I read the whole thing again and it just seemed sentimental and silly, far from what I actually wanted to convey.

I've been working late hours and didn't have a whole lot of time to re-read my SOP. Bad excuse, I know, but it's the reason it sucked.

Please take the time to read this one, instead. The first paragraph may be a little wordy but I have tried to get down to business soon.

They have specifically asked us to talk about honors, achievements and extra-curriculars so I had no option but to add them, particularly since they relate to energy harvesting which I have highlighted as being a research interest.

Energy Harvesting. Analog Design.

Four words that form the crux of my research passions. To be an integral part of the global solution to the energy crisis was the ultimate goal I had set for myself early on in school. However, my academic interests undertook new dimensions in my undergraduate years as our engineering curriculum unfurled, when I was introduced to the world of Analog Electronics, VLSI design and Control Systems. Integrating control system nuances with an amplifier’s intricacies possessed an underlying charm unbeknownst to me in any digital systems course. Then and there I decided this was my future. I wanted to be a part of this continuum, instead of just “sampling” it.

My desire to research innovative energy solutions was not lost though, as I participated and was placed 2nd in the 20^th State-Level Debate on Renewable Energy Resources. Besides this, I was one of the 30 finalists and subsequent 2^nd prize winner for my essay and presentation on “Power Beams and Applications”, organized by the Department of Atomic Energy, India. In the National Technical Article Contest organized by DA-IICT, Gujarat, I had won 2^nd prize for my short paper on RF Energy Harvesting.

As an undergraduate, I found it challenging to find academicians who would mentor me in analog and mixed signal design projects, though, being an IEEE Student Member who had taken up the initiative to reinstate a dormant Student Branch in our College, I jumped at every opportunity to attend seminars and workshops that focused on research spotlights in the area. However, the experience of a few lectures was not intellectually satisfying enough, which is what motivated me to search for the graduate school where I could propel my research interests in low power analog and mixed signal design forward. It was during this search that I received my first ticket to a hands-on analog design experience, in the form of a 1-year internship at CONEXANT Systems, Pvt. Ltd., headquartered at New Port Beach, California. Here we tested, compared and optimized existing architectures to meet design specifications in all worst-case corners, tweaked and verified electro-static discharge circuits required to meet a specified Human-Body Model, created basic layouts and modeled parasitics between metal layers and tried our hand at building low-drop out regulators, amplifiers, bandgap reference circuits and other building blocks in various configurations. My graduate studies dream, though, was still alive.

The Electronic Design and Applications TIG at GeorgiaTech seemed almost tailor-made for my interests. I found there to be a wide breadth offered in academic curriculum, ranging the gamut from oscillators and synthesizers to neuromorphic analog VLSI circuits, more than what I found in most other graduate programs. Having had experience in working with low-noise, programmable-gain amplifiers in my internship, I can definitely contribute to the design and testing of low-noise, high-bandwidth integrated circuits at the Georgia Analog Tech Consortium. It would be a pleasure to be able to work with Professor Gabriel Rincon-Mora whose extensive literature in the areas of low-power regulators, DC-to-DC and buck-to-boost converters I’ve enjoyed reading. I am very keen on being a part of the phenomenal research he has pioneered in self sustaining chips and low voltage CMOS design, particularly since my interests are exactly the same. Equally intriguing would be the opportunity to work with Dr. Jennifer Hasler, where I could be part of the development of analog VLSI models of learning and sensory processing. One of my final year electives was Artificial Neural Networks, and I’ve always yearned to see a learning network come alive on chip.

None of my academic pursuits would have truly been complete without my experiences as a member of the Rotaract Club of Hyderabad East-a student derivation of the Rotary Club, the college newsletter’s editorial board and the alumni association student wing. Being IEEE Student Branch Secretary, I was also part of the effort that led us to be nominated for “Vibrant IEEE Branch Award” soon after our inception.

From being high-school prefect to IEEE Event Coordinator, I cultivated and imbibed leadership and team-player skills, which I believe to be essential qualities to succeed in a research group. This, coupled with my immense passion and my knowledge of Virtuoso Design and Layout Environment and Cadence Tools will surely enable me to serve as a potential resource for the research program, where I am confident I can contribute to the development of realizable products and solutions.

I hope it's atleast a little better.

I bolded the bits that struck me as too emotional or cliche or purple-prose-y.

I think you need only one comment about your desire or passion for the field. Tighten up the parts where you mention your PoIs. It looks like you are trying to prove that you have looked up their research but otherwise just saying you would like to work with them. I think something like "my reading of Prof X's and Y's work in blahblah indicates a good fit with my research interests in yadda" would be fine.

I favour plain, direct writing, especially in a professional context. Read George Orwell for an example of brilliant plain-style writing. His rules are:

1. Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
   
2. Never use a long word where a short one will do.
   
3. If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
   
4. Never use the passive where you can use the active.
   
5. Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
   
6. Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
   

from http://www.orwell.ru/library/essays/politics/english/e_polit

[TakeruK]

I agree with the advice of margarets and disillusioned14, especially Orwell's "rules". I also want to say some more things:

1. Avoid comparing previous experience in negative ways (e.g. statements like previous courses not intellectually satisfying enough).

2. Avoid using descriptive or intensifying adjectives in academic/scientific writing. Words like "very" (and other similar words) can almost always be removed without changing the sentence.

3. It still sounds like you are trying to make the essay an enjoyable read when I think the SOP in the STEM fields should be very technical. I should be able to skim it and pick out the important things you did, instead having to read it in depth to enjoy all of the colourful writing. The committee has to read a ton of these things, so to stand out, you should make their job easier by making yourself clear and concise instead of trying to stand out by writing creatively.

I would put your extra-curriculars either after you mention your undergrad program and before research, or right after research but before talking about "fit". I think the former is better though. In addition, I would remove anything that took place before college -- leave it on the CV if it's important but "high school prefect" won't mean anything to the committee, in my opinion.

[MaryShelley]

Is the overall feel any better than the previous? Or does it still feel too flowery and lacking substance?

[margarets]

Just my opinion, but I think the second version is still too flowery. I wouldn't say it lacks substance. It's more that the substance is hard to find among all the flowers.

Maybe try writing a bullet-point, bare bones version first. Don't even worry about style yet, just focus on your strengths, reasons for choosing the field, etc.

On another read I noticed that your SoP is largely in the past tense, kind of like you are telling the story of your journey of how you came to apply to this school. Try to make it more present- and future-oriented (which is really vague advice, I know! sorry).

What specific instructions has the school given for the SoP? My program is pretty specific about this, so I don't have much room to play with anyway.

[MaryShelley]

I am required to write about honors, awards, extra-curriculars, what motivated me to choose graduate research, why GaTech and not some place else, and which Professors I'd like to work with and why. All in 4000 characters.

Also, they ask us to make it completely our story, and not write stuff like what research is taking place and all. Or I could have made it hell more technical.

[margarets]

OK then, here's how I would approach it:

--the honours, awards and extra-curriculars go in a list, which will be easier to read & absorb and will use fewer characters, but put the list near the end

then, list your reasons for

--choosing GaTech specifically

--wanting to work with Profs X and Y

--wanting to pursue graduate research, i.e. what future goals do you have that make graduate research necessary or desired?

THEN use those lists to write the SoP, build the SoP around your reasons.

So far, I don't quite see all your reasons for pursuing this particular path, other than you really like this field of study (which is certainly very important!).

I wouldn't worry too much about making this your own story because that will be apparent from the info in the various lists. No one else will have the exact same history or reasons or plans. Err on the side of being more businesslike rather than more personal.

[MaryShelley]

Okay, I got you Thanks for helping out.

I was wondering if it would sound better for me to replace the entire "not intellectually satisfying" sentence with what I actually learnt there, the industrial challenges, which motivated me to get where I am. That'll make it more optimistic and I'll sound like I'm adding technical juice to it.

By the way, two other Georgia students/employees read the essay and said it was alright.

[gilbertrollins]

I'm not discussing my personal background -- at all.

[mandarin.orange]

Okay, this is sort of in backwards order, but...

It's much improved in the latter paragraphs -- articulate, clear and specific. The third to last paragraph where you mention specific PIs and their labs is great.

The middle of the SoP reads very differently. I know they are asking specifically for achievements and accomplishments, but I can't get over the feeling that this is the type of stuff the CV is for. I guess if they really want replicate information in BOTH the SoP and CV, go with it and just make sure that the phrasing/wording in each document isn't an exact replicate. For example, that bulleted list is very resume-like. If that's how you have it on your CV as well, find a way to streamline/convert to prose for the SoP so there is some variation. Also, in the paragraph before the bullets, there are run-on sentences.

The first line and full paragraph is a throwback to your old, initial style that I first commented on, and I still feel it's full of over-the-top language. I still find this opener:

Energy Harvesting. Analog Design.

Four words that form the crux of my research passions.

...strangely constructed, and overstriving to be dramatic. It just reads like you are artificially trying to "hook" me to read, rather than being straightforward. Maybe this is just my deal. But if I were applying this year, I would want to eliminate ANY possibility that someone on an adcomm is going to be similarly offput, right at the start of my essay.

So in the end, you have an SoP that seems to be coming together, but with three very disparate styles. Work on unifying it more and making it cohesive. Taking a cue from margarets, I've inserted your overstyled initial paragraph below with the words and phrases bolded that I find to be problematic.

You mentioned that a couple currently attending this program deemed your essay "alright." I'll ask you this: is "alright" what you want? Is simply "passable" what you're striving for here? Or do you want to stand out? Admissions are so competitive -- my program took 10 of 84 applicants last year. YMMV in a different field, of course, but so long as you have the time, and a receptive forum here with people willing to help, why not take advantage of it? Take ANY opportunity to make your application as top-notch and the best it can possibly be. If you are committed to going to grad school next year, leave nothing to chance.

A final word: it's rare that I see someone publicly post versions of their SoPs on GradCafe. Usually these are exchanged via PMs. Just remember that when all is said and done, and your apps are submitted, these are going to be publicly available, and searchable. Anyone googling the specific program and profs you mention is likely going to hit this forum, and this thread with your evolving SoP, in the top ten results. You may want to come through and remove/bomb these in a few weeks -- I believe there is a Hide or Delete function for that. BUT if people quote you, that part of the text is going to persist on les internets for all eternity.

What I would change from the beginning - see italicized comments:

Energy Harvesting. Analog Design. <- the fragmented sentence structure is bizarre.

Four words that form the crux of my research passions. <- rather emotive To be an integral part of the global solution to the energy crisis was the ultimate goal I had set for myself early on in school. [rearrange this sentence; it reads awkwardly when it starts with "to be".] However, my academic interests undertook new dimensions [directions?] in my undergraduate years as our engineering curriculum unfurled, when I was introduced to Analog Electronics, VLSI design and Control Systems. Integrating control system nuances with an amplifier’s intricacies possessed an underlying charm unbeknownst to me [sounds like you are channeling 18th-19th c. British lit here] in any digital systems course. I decided I wanted to be a part of this continuum, instead of just “sampling” it.

...

As an undergraduate, I found it challenging to find academicians [do you mean academics? I've never heard "academicians" before. Or just say "academic mentors" and tighten the sentence.] who would mentor me in analog design projects, though, being an IEEE Student Member who had taken up the initiative to reinstate a dormant Student Branch in our College, I would regularly attend seminars and workshops that focused on research spotlights in the area. <- [run-on sentence] Here I learned how advancing process nodes and higher-level integration were bringing to the forefront issues in functional verification, behavioural modeling and signoff, which motivated me to search for the graduate studies program where I focus on solving the area-power-speed tradeoff. <- [also rather long.] However, intending to approach graduate research equipped with awareness of industrial realities, I took up a 1-year internship at Conexant, headquartered at New Port Beach, California.

[mandarin.orange]

Also, it's Newport Beach, not New Port Beach.