Cut my SoP in HALF by tonight. Please help!

[thenerdypengwin]

Deadline is today and I cant figure out what parts to cut from my SoP. I need it too be under 3000 characters. Mine is over 6100 with spaces. Help!!!

My laboratory involvement has had a profound impact on my interests as an aspiring researcher. I was introduced to my first lab after I participated in a study involving speech alignment. I drew a connection to a recent article about mirror neurons and shared it with my professor; thus, my newfound mentor directed me toward the auditory speech and perception lab. We correlatively studied audio-visual phenomena such as speech alignment and emotional congruency in the normal population. The overall focus of Dr. Rosenblum’s work is to explore higher-order perceptual phenomena, as described in his book. Ordinary people have the ability for what he calls perceptual superpowers; just as a blind person can use tactile stimuli, sounds, and even smells to see. This cross-modal sensory perception phenomenon has been demonstrated across all different sensory processes. Mechanistically, deficient sensory input can lead to multimodal plasticity and a reorganization of integrated afferents. This interesting culmination of Dr. Rosenblum’s research was not enough of a conclusion for me. How are these phenomena modulated? How specifically can you affect this modulation? These burning questions led me toward systems neuroscience. I wanted to qualify this behavior by quantifying something more tangible- the activity and plasticity of the brain.

I found this next step in Dr. Hickmott’s lab in characterizing the neuroplasticity of the somatosensory cortex as a result of physical disruption of a specific stimulus (deafferentation) to that area. We could quantify plasticity by examining the border shift between two adjacent somatotopic areas in the cortex. In this model, the experimental variables could be isolated and controlled. It was a relief to work with a research question that was not complexly confounded by high variance in the population. Dr. Hickmott’s courses introduced me to possible mechanisms of the reorganization that had been a theme so far in my career. I studied normal neural organization and development in class with him as we investigated the properties of adult reorganization in lab. My favorite class, however, was his Neuropharmacology class. We began with cellular mechanisms and neurotransmitter modulation; we continued by discussing common and rare abnormal brain states and pathological brain diseases as it pertains to the modulation of circuits. The class opened my world of thinking, giving me the mindset to conceptualize every field in my interests and approach it in this way.

Soon after, I applied this thinking in Dr. Machado’s lab at the Cleveland Clinic studying motor rehabilitation in the Lerner Research Institute. We experimented with different paradigms of electrode stimulation of deep cerebellar nuclei, a modulatory center of the motor circuit. We showed that stimulation here caused motor plasticity and reorganization that promoted rehabilitation after stroke or ablation. We further investigated the properties of neuronal activity at this target. The oscillations found at the deep cerebellar output nuclei during a specific movement are instrumental to describing the entire circuit’s modulation of movement. Evidently, the mindset of circuit modulation remained prevalent and pertinent in my subsequent classes and research endeavors. With this mindset, we can approach higher order complex problems such as the modulation of perception or cognition. Both perceptual and cognitive phenomena cannot thoroughly be explained without an investigation into the characteristics of higher order processing.

Earlier on I became curious in the possibility of improving cognition via neuroglia. In my neurodevelopment class and post-doc seminars at the Cleveland Clinic, the broadness of its possibilities started to assemble. In Dr. Hickmott’s lab, we have begun to investigate the implications of microglia activation and process complexity in reorganization. As evident at this past Society for Neuroscience conference, research in neuroglia is rapidly expanding. This field is still in its molecular stages; but its applications could potentially thwart the progression of neurodegenerative diseases, such as by promoting the survival of dopaminergic neurons in Parkinson’s Disease. At the Cleveland Clinic, I was lucky to learn much from Dr. John Gale, currently working with MPTP-treated Parkinson primate models. His work involving deep nuclei like the nucleus accumbens and basal ganglia demonstrated that these middle order processes filter and integrate multiple modes of stimulus to produce a more complex response. I believe it is in these intermediate targets of circuits that we can study the manifestation of cognition and attention. I dream that my career’s culmination would be to discover how these circuits integrate and modulate behavior so that we might ultimately modulate circuits pharmacologically or electrically to enhance more favorable archetypes. This work in neuroplasticity could cure brain diseases or enhance normal functioning by reorganizing or modulating the strength of the different circuit components.

It is encouraging that I have been exposed to three unique labs all involving some aspect of neuroplasticity. Moreover, my two most recent labs are two sides the same coin, studying the brain’s circuit processing of opposite tracts. Dr. Hickmott’s sensory work revolves around disruption in the incoming information to the somatosensory cortex; Dr. Machado’s motor work centers on prevention of outgoing information to the adjacent motor cortex. Reorganization has very different properties depending on various influential inputs. Even the reorganization during learning and the retention of memory can be functionally and physically different depending on associative stimuli and stimulation from neighboring circuits. While afferent information has less confounding influences, studying the efferent side, behavior, allows for an investigation into the influence of higher order modulation, albeit more complexly. I would like to continue to work in this field and let my interests and knowledge evolve.

[Quant_Liz_Lemon]

I have a few suggestions: reduce the spacing between sentences to 1, instead of 2.

Tighten up your sentences: "My laboratory involvement has had a profound impact on my interests as an aspiring researcher." can be shortened to My laboratory involvement has profoundly impacted my research interests."

Replace "Dr. John Gale" with "Dr. Gale"

Rewrite: "The overall focus of Dr. Rosenblum’s work is to explore higher-order perceptual phenomena, as described in his book. Ordinary people have the ability for what he calls perceptual superpowers; just as a blind person can use tactile stimuli, sounds, and even smells to see." These two sentences can be merged into one. By doing so, your reader won't have to struggle to connect that Rosenblum's book is on perceptual super powers. In addition, you should just cite his book, (Rosenblum, XXXX).

In general, I'd suggest nixing the passive voice. You'll be able to cut of characters. Regardless, I suspect that you're going to have to cut a paragraph to get this down to approximately 600 words.

Edited December 16, 2012 by Quant_Liz_Lemon

[dendy]

You seem to have a lot of unnecessary words. You say things like "we further investigated" when "we investigated" would suffice. Don't say "I dream that my career’s culmination would be to" when you could say "my [eventual/ultimate] goal is to"

Just try to be more concise and straightforward in general, it's better style anyway.

[SymmetryOfImperfection]

be brief when describing the professor's research and reserve that space for your own actions. I believe you do not need to go into too much detail; instead, emphasize transferable skills and techniques.

[DarwinAG]

I joined the auditory and speech perception lab to explore my interest in mirror neurons. In the lab, we explore higher-order perceptual phenomena. Ordinary people have the ability for perceptual superpowers; just as a blind person can use tactile stimuli, sounds, and even smells to see. This cross-modal sensory perception has been demonstrated across different sensory processes. Mechanistically, deficient sensory input can lead to multimodal plasticity and a reorganization of integrated afferents. But how are these phenomena modulated? How specifically can you affect this modulation? These questions led me toward systems neuroscience.

I found this next step in Dr. Hickmott’s lab in characterizing the neuroplasticity of the somatosensory cortex as a result of physical disruption of a specific stimulus to that area. We could quantify plasticity by examining the border shift between two adjacent somatotopic areas. In this model, the experimental variables could be isolated and controlled. Dr. Hickmott’s courses introduced me to a new approach to my research interest (You can do a better job than me in describing this).

I cut down your first two paragraphs. I was relatively unsuccesful with the next three because I did not want to remove something that was essential.

For the first two I removed sentences that I think was not necessary and content that did not really add anything, particularly the extended description of the classes you took. HOpe it helps.

good luck!

[dendy]

Oh, and I work in a glia lab. Nobody calls 'em neuroglia; that oughta save you a few characters. Actually you can just take the neuro- prefix off of most of those words. Your audience knows what you're talking about.

[thenerdypengwin]

Thanks for all of your help!

@dendy, I'm a bit concerned that my audience will not be neuro, so that is why I'm trying to make it a bit more accessible to people who do not have that background. Do you think they'll still understand glia?

@Quant_Liz_Lemon, I was thinking about that. Is it necessary to site a book? If they wanted to look it up, his name should suffice. I also supplement it on my CV with the title.

[Quant_Liz_Lemon]

@Quant_Liz_Lemon, I was thinking about that. Is it necessary to site a book? If they wanted to look it up, his name should suffice. I also supplement it on my CV with the title.

The citation isn't about ease of finding the book. It's about demonstrating that you know how to cite research. Also, I'm confused about why you included the title on your cv. Did you contribute to the book?

[dendy]

@dendy, I'm a bit concerned that my audience will not be neuro, so that is why I'm trying to make it a bit more accessible to people who do not have that background. Do you think they'll still understand glia?

If you are applying to a neuroscience program, it is definitely fine. If you are applying to a more general bio program, it's probably still fine. Is this for something else?

[bamafan]

Sounding erudite does not mean you have to be convoluted. Being concise is best whenever possible; this isn't your magnum opus in fiction prose for the Pulitzer, after all. 

 

"Brevity is the soul of wit."

[bamafan]

Also, I'll add that there is too much narration. I did not get anywhere nearly as in depth as you did when discussing my research, not even close. You're using this opportunity to briefly describe your research and how it has given you the experience to be a qualified researcher, not to summarize your abstracts.

 

I guess, I would put it this way. Stop saying WHAT you did and instead focus on WHY it matters. As in... What did you get out of the research experiences? How does it make you more qualified? How has it shaped your goals and scientific philosophy? And then tie THAT to the target schools and use that to explain why the school is a good fit for you and vice versa. 

 

In my brief skimming, you did not address your target schools at all. You absolutely MUST indicate that you looked into their programs and think you'll be a good fit (and justify why).

 

In a nutshell: Research interests and career objectives; then, experiences and the importance of them; tie it to the target school.

Edited December 20, 2012 by bamafan