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Very shy - who to ask for letters?


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I'm very shy and quiet and there is really only one professor who knows me. I have a year until I need to apply for grad school, but I'm looking for internships right now, and I don't know who to get a LOR from or how to ask them.

 

Any tips on developing relationships with professors? I really don't like to bother people, and the only reason that I know the one professor is because I do research for him. I really don't have a reason to talk to professors. I do alright in classes and if I had any questions it is expected that I would talk to a TA first. In addition, even though I'm an upperclassmen, most of my classes still have over a hundred people. I'm totally lost here.

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I can understand where you're coming from. I also would mostly go to the TA first for any questions and as a TA, I preferred it when students came directly to me for questions as well (generally the prof would redirect the questions to me anyways). If it was not for the very small class sizes in undergrad (<10 students/class), I probably would not get to know profs in my department very well. Even so, the profs that I knew the best were always the ones I worked with!

 

So, my first tip in order to get to know more profs, especially for LOR purposes, is to do research with them! This advice might be field-dependent, but I think this is the perfect time to start planning what you want to do this summer. If you want to do grad school, the best thing is probably a research assistantship or internship. Find some profs who do research that interest you and maybe start emailing them to ask to talk about potential for summer research work. Maybe you can wait until after the holidays to do this though. Hopefully your department has some kind of support structure for students who wants to do summer research -- many departments host an info session, or have scholarship/fellowships for this, or have a website where profs recruit undergrad researchers. Additionally, speaking to other students might lead you towards a research project as well (i.e. someone could say "Well I worked for Prof. X last year and she said she wanted a student to work on Project Y this summer"). LORs from profs you did research with are the best LORs anyways, so this will help you get a strong LOR as well as increasing the number of academics you know well (and could possibly mentor/guide you in the future).

 

My second tip is to try to manage shyness a little bit. I was very shy when I was younger so I know it's not very productive to say something that might sound like "get over it". What worked for me was realising that the overwhelming shyness can severely affect my life so it gave me the motivation and courage to get out of my comfort zone. I don't know what will work for you. But I think it's really important to be able to "sell yourself" in academia. Beyond undergrad, you cannot just do well and hope people notice you. You have to seek out your own opportunities and make your own contacts. For example, you will probably have to network a little bit and get to know other researchers at conferences. You don't have to be the most charismatic social butterfly though. But it's important to be able to take a deep breath and step out of your comfort zone when it really matters. I think right now, when trying to get another research position for the upcoming summer, is an instance of where it really matters.

 

Thirdly, if you are worried about bothering professors by asking about their research, I don't think you have to worry too much. From what I've seen, it's rare that an undergrad is actually interested in the professor's work (depending on program/school I guess). Most students see professors as instructors that assign too much homework and grade unfairly. It would probably be refreshing for a prof to be able to talk to a student who is interested about their research. Remember that professors have worked since they were our age to get to where they are -- research is definitely their passion.

 

Good luck! Hope that was helpful!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi, perfectionist.

I would advise you to make an appointment with a professor during their office hours and let them know what you are interested in doing. In my experience, professors are genuinely excited to find out that you want to pursue graduate work. Ask them questions. Tell them about yourself and the things you have been doing to prepare yourself for graduate school. Most of the time they will have many suggestions and offer to help. If not and you are too shy to ask in person (I know I was), then send a thank you email, remind the of what you want to do, and ask for the LOR.

Btw do your research! Try to target profs who have similar interests, and if you have access to associate and full professors that have strong resumes and have some ties to the schools you are looking to apply to then that's great!

GOOD LUCK!

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