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Grad School and Breakups...


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Hey guys! If you moved 3,000 miles from home to pursue a LDR and it didn't work out...would you go back to the same school and finish or just try to finish closer to home? I moved back home but have been really unsure if I made the right decision or not. One of my friends there (not the ex) died and she was the only other friend I had aside from him, and he pretty much disappeared on me (more than once and wasn't there for me) he's apologized but it's always too late and he always falls off the face of the earth again. My school now, like my advisor and not the teachers; my old school, liked my teachers and not my advisor. Moving back home I had to move back in with my Dad. I got really depressed about everything but have been doing so much better since then, and my depression is in remission. Only thing is I'm not sure if I should go back or finish school here (home). I also did better academically at my old school (but have gained no real work experience from either program).

What would you do? Thanks!

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I would go to whatever school is going to set you up better for employment in your chosen field.  Is one ranked higher than the other?  Do you have a better fit?  Do the professors at one have a more extensive network than the other?  Do you have more support?  If you're in a PhD program, your advisor matters far more than the other professors, so you should go where you have the better relationship with your advisor.  After you finish your coursework, the other professors won't matter as much.  Does one of them have better internships or other professionalization experiences?  Take all of these things into account.


The other thing is finances...you said you are currently living with your father.  Is that cutting your expenses by a lot?  Because that's a big factor too.  If you can save $60K by staying at home, that may be worth it if this program will also get you to your goal.

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  • 2 months later...

I was going to try break this down a lot and decided to take a different approach. When a lot of stuff hit the fan during undergraduate, I took the approach of simplifiying things til i got a read on things and found my 'new bearings' Like cranking up and lowering the volume.


Juillet made some good points. In simplifying things, which school offers more opportunity to build your network professionally. It's natural to feel that being in our comfort zone makes for an easier overall experience but how does that set you up for what comes after? You have already made the commitment and moved 3000miles. That's not some minor league move. A lot of credit for that alone. What would be the cost difference finishing up close to home versus where you are

now? Being at home / close to home, there's some complacency that can fall in and I am glad that you have battled with and through your depression. Your ex is your ex, my condolences on your friend. I think that with the simplified approach, you can make new connections without looking back on the old ones that are off the radar. Slow and steady, that's my $0.02.


With family involved, how is your dad's health. I know that can be a concern at this stage in our studies. Is he working or does he need attention / care also? Are there any good faculty advisor types that you can call in on, here or there to help you evaluate your opportunity for success locally verus away from home? Don't have doubts, reach out and someone will help.

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