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How to Write and Effective Addendum?


calicopirate

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Does this sound okay? I removed identifying things about me from this essay:

 

 

In October 2003, I was diagnosed with a (illness) which later was discovered to be (illness). Treatment for this required me to be hospitalized for a surgery during finals week where they placed a (xxx) in me. Before I was diagnosed, I was often in the emergency room or at a doctor’s office due to the discomfort from my illness.

 

Because of this, I feel like it contributed to my low GPA due to the fact two of my classes, (class) and (class) were classes where attendance and my final project weighed heavily on my final grade. As a result, I received a 1.6 GPA for that semester. In the following semester, I was able to raise my GPA to a 2.2.

 

Medical documentation of this illness and treatment can be provided upon request. 

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Hello! I am by no means an expert but I edited it a little bit .. hope this helps!

 

In October 2003, I was diagnosed with a (illness) which later was discovered to be (illness). Treatment for this My treatment required me to be hospitalized for a surgery during finals week of (when??) where they doctors placed a (xxx) in me. Before I was diagnosed, I was often in the emergency room or at a doctor’s office for approximately X% of the semester/s (being more specific would probably help ...how long? 50% of the semester? 75%? ) due to the discomfort from my illness.

 

Because of this my circumstances, I was unable to attend the majority of two classes, (class 1 & class 2), both of which placed heavy weight on attendance and a final project (I would try to avoid a "making excuses" tone like "I feel like it contributed", etc ... just state the facts)I feel like it contributed to my low GPA due to the fact two of my classes, (class) and (class) were classes where attendance and my final project weighed heavily on my final grade. As a result, I received a 1.6 GPA in the [semester] of [year]. In the following semester, however, I was able to raise my GPA to a 2.2. (maybe list more positive merits if you have any)

 

Medical documentation of this illness and treatment can be provided upon request.

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I like the first paragraph, but the second could be improved upon. Your medical issue sounds legit, so there's no need to make excuses. Definitely avoid phrases like "I feel like". Hopeful80's rewrite is a good start. Did you ever raise your GPA above a 2.2, such as in the subsequent year? That would be worth mentioning if so.

 

The one thing you don't address is whether or not this medical issue still affects you now. This is something that the admissions committee will want to know.

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Unfortunately, the illness occurred during my last year of college so I wasn't able to raise it much more than 2.2. 

 

Thank you so much for the edits! They were really helpful; thank you. :)

 

In addition to hopeful80's very good edits - you should point out that your GPA was higher before the illness affected your studies (in case it was), and if this illness no longer affects you now it's also worth stating in the addendum. If this illness will stay with you for a long time to come, you should explain that you've now got it under control and know how to deal with it. Basically not only explain the past but also address the adcom's concerns about the future: can you graduate on time and be successful in the program, despite this problem?

 

Good luck!

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